Discussion Sanctity of Motherhood

[freedompass]

Calling a woman a bad mom is the worst thing anyone can say to her.

If something goes wrong with the kids she will be overwhelmingly blamed. If anyone knows the book and movie 'we need to talk about Kevin' you can see exactly how this plays out.

Do people ever think, wait. A woman is physically weaker than a man and can be raped, she can be coerced, she can also be promiscuous for all kinds of reasons, some beyond her control. A man can refuse to use a condom and just literally walk away.

In the US abortion is being clamped down on. Thousands more unwanted unplanned for babies will be born to single mothers. Not everyone has the emotional and mental strength to give a child up for adoption. Think for a moment how brutal it is to separate a mother from the newborn. We are animals. A cow will moo piteously for her calf and vice versa.

Society loves to both elevate motherhood and also to demonise women who don't meet the stereotype or fail to be devoted enough. In extreme cases they are considered monsters. Look. A female gets preyed on by a man who is stronger. She falls pregnant. She can't abort. She has the kid and is expected to magically become the cookie cutter stereotype. What can possibly go wrong with this picture?

I struggle with the taboo of having had a child I didn't want or plan for. Always thinking I am being judged (because we are). Hated disproportionately by my son for failing at something I never chose. I don't blame him by the way, I guess that's how he chooses to cope.

Society failed both of us every step of the way. Inadequate and incompetent social services. Rose coloured unrealistic expectations of mothers. Terrible mental health care that exposes vulnerable patients to more danger instead of keeping them safe. Stupid shortsighted prolife attitudes. Result: 2 suicidal people.

Anyone got any thoughts?

 

[Celerity]

Women are constrained by societal expectations that are very narrow. I do think it is changing though. While I recognize that teen pregnancy and single motherhood are very difficult, I don't judge women who have had to deal with it. "Cookie cutter" moms are also commonly terrible.

That said, do I judge my SIL more harshly for her deficiencies than I do for my brother? Yes. I am biased for him as his sister, but I think I am also thrown off by how cold she can be with her children. It is very different from what I experienced growing up. She does not match the motherly stereotypes at all.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I never had kids, partly because I knew I couldn't live up to my mom, she was a really great mom. I'm more like my father, unfortunately. He wasn't terrible, but he was very impatient with us and lost his temper very often. The kind of guy that vocally rages at traffic from inside his car. I'm not that bad, but still, I don't think I could be as loving and patient as my mom.

I feel bad for all the future unwilling mothers in my country who will be forced to give birth, and then raked over the coals when they can't live up to expectations.