Venting Sad birthday, parents rant

[SanguineShark]

It was my birthday yesterday, November 14th. Only one grandpa and my brother called me, and only two friends remembered, and they probably did mostly cuz I was mentioning it to them as they're the closest ones so we talk the most. My mom and grandma that I live with did spend time with me, mom bought me cake and gave me flowers. But I just.. I don't know. My father didn't call, he forgot probably, he always did. My father is a very absent one, ever since I was a kid I'd have to hear my mom scream at him through the phone how shitty he is that he forgot my birthday. It hurt, a lot.. And when he would show up, he just insulted me, it was his way of "helping". I'm in my early 20s now, and the man started to remember he has at least 1 family member who didn't openly call him out what a huge asshole he is. So I guess he still "likes" me, him hitting older age at this point must have woken him up or something, he'd call me and explain to me for 20 minutes straight how it was my fault as a kid that he didn't pay attention to me, because I was busy PLAYING. He literally pulled the blame on me, his youngest child, that when I was little, I wouldn't pay attention to HIM. AN ABSENT, DIVORCED FATHER WHO DIDN'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK!!! Now I just remembered that apparently my mom would throw me when I was a few week old toddler, because she was frustrated when I was crying.. fun. (sarcasm) I think I just got triggered today because a show mentioned birthdays, and I realized this year's birthday sucks. I hate my father, yet I am sad he didn't call.. I hate talking to him, I hate when he calls.. but it's just hard, you know? I never had a dad, I never experienced having a parent I'd emotionally bond with on a deeper level.. I was left alone or with my brother or grandma for most of my childhood, I was basically raised by my grandma and nannies... Ahh I love self-pity, how pathetic can I get? Life is shit, and I wish I wasn't born.

 

[foxgirl]

Happy belated birthday to you was the cake good, at least?
I'm sorry, it is so frustrating to have to deal with people who can't take any accountability for their wrongdoings.. you are right about life being shit.

 

[Some place nice]

I am so sorry. Happy birthday.

 

[SanguineShark]

thank you guys, this made me tear up

was the cake good, at least?

yeah! I asked my mom to buy me my favorite which I often had as a kid

 

[foxgirl]

thank you guys, this made me tear up

yeah! I asked my mom to buy me my favorite which I often had as a kid

it's the little things, like a slice of cake, that are keeping me here currently.. cheers

 

[Raindancer]

Happy belated Birthday! What kind of cake was it? Now I m hungry for cake! Have a piece for me

 

[Gorsasu]

Happy birthday ! I'm sorry it is not what you expected :(

 

[SanguineShark]

Happy belated Birthday! What kind of cake was it? Now I m hungry for cake! Have a piece for me

Strawberry mousse! I always loved strawberry cakes. The one I had basically on almost every birthday is a different one, a sponge cake with whipped cream and strawberry jelly & real strawberries in it on top, but no chemical fake bullshit, real quality jelly :D

 

[littlelungs]

Reading that broke my heart for you. Also, blaming your own kid for not being around is low as hell, and throwing a toddler for crying, aka literally just being a toddler? There's no such thing as a perfect parent and I understand that it can be frustrating when a child is crying and you don't know how to help them, but throwing them sure as hell isn't going to help, either (to put it mildly). Some things are just inexcusable, and some people just shouldn't be parents.

Happy belated birthday. I'm sorry that life has been so rough for you, and that birthdays are triggering for you. Life is hard, as we all know far too well here. I'm glad that you had some nice cake, though – I've always loved strawberry cakes, too! Strawberry desserts in general are hard to beat.

 

[Raindancer]

Strawberry mousse! I always loved strawberry cakes. The one I had basically on almost every birthday is a different one, a sponge cake with whipped cream and strawberry jelly & real strawberries in it on top, but no chemical fake bullshit, real quality jelly :D

Oh that sounds so delicious! What a great pick for a birthday cake too!

 

[SanguineShark]

Reading that broke my heart for you. Also, blaming your own kid for not being around is low as hell, and throwing a toddler for crying, aka literally just being a toddler? There's no such thing as a perfect parent and I understand that it can be frustrating when a child is crying and you don't know how to help them, but throwing them sure as hell isn't going to help, either (to put it mildly). Some things are just inexcusable, and some people just shouldn't be parents.

Happy belated birthday. I'm sorry that life has been so rough for you, and that birthdays are triggering for you. Life is hard, as we all know far too well here. I'm glad that you had some nice cake, though – I've always loved strawberry cakes, too! Strawberry desserts in general are hard to beat.

Thank you, it's quite hard.. I always feel bad when I get jealous of my friend's parents, they seem so nice.. I know no family is perfect and they often have issues of their own but like... at least they have parents who are active in their lives..
I just, I have SO many issues in my head, I'm very mentally ill. And the fact that's how I am because of my family, people who should be most loving and caring, is very hard to cope with.

The cake was sure a highlight tho <3