SanguineShark
I am the monster you created
- Jun 23, 2023
- 228
It was my birthday yesterday, November 14th. Only one grandpa and my brother called me, and only two friends remembered, and they probably did mostly cuz I was mentioning it to them as they're the closest ones so we talk the most. My mom and grandma that I live with did spend time with me, mom bought me cake and gave me flowers. But I just.. I don't know. My father didn't call, he forgot probably, he always did. My father is a very absent one, ever since I was a kid I'd have to hear my mom scream at him through the phone how shitty he is that he forgot my birthday. It hurt, a lot.. And when he would show up, he just insulted me, it was his way of "helping". I'm in my early 20s now, and the man started to remember he has at least 1 family member who didn't openly call him out what a huge asshole he is. So I guess he still "likes" me, him hitting older age at this point must have woken him up or something, he'd call me and explain to me for 20 minutes straight how it was my fault as a kid that he didn't pay attention to me, because I was busy PLAYING. He literally pulled the blame on me, his youngest child, that when I was little, I wouldn't pay attention to HIM. AN ABSENT, DIVORCED FATHER WHO DIDN'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK!!! Now I just remembered that apparently my mom would throw me when I was a few week old toddler, because she was frustrated when I was crying.. fun. (sarcasm) I think I just got triggered today because a show mentioned birthdays, and I realized this year's birthday sucks. I hate my father, yet I am sad he didn't call.. I hate talking to him, I hate when he calls.. but it's just hard, you know? I never had a dad, I never experienced having a parent I'd emotionally bond with on a deeper level.. I was left alone or with my brother or grandma for most of my childhood, I was basically raised by my grandma and nannies... Ahh I love self-pity, how pathetic can I get? Life is shit, and I wish I wasn't born.
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