Running out of time

[burdenox]

So I'm graduating in a few months, I should feel relieved and excited but I feel like the walls are closing in. Well, more like the walls are crumbling down I guess. Soon I'll be left with nothing but a piece if paper showing how good I am at writing essays.

I don't even know if I want to graduate. I don't know how I'd react to that. I still can't really believe I made it this far.

I'm just so scared and I don't know what to do. Currently revisiting my plan just to feel some kind of comfort. That there is a way out (technically) but I'm so torn. My family has already lost so many people, me adding to that seems so selfish. I have a partner now, I should've never dragged them into this but it's the most genuine and pure love I've ever felt from anyone. I just don't think I can do it, I don't think I can survive. The world is too fucked up and cruel. I know it's all downhill from here. It'll just revolve around doing whatever miserable shit I have to do to earn enough to live because that piece of paper I worked 3 years for means nothing to anyone.

I don't even know if I want to die anymore, I just can't see another way out of this bleak mess. I'm so tired I can't sleep anymore. It's 7am and I haven't slept at all. This dread is eating me alive. I just want it all to stop

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

It's awful when life leaves us no choice but to ctb.