Venting Running away from problems.

[crea_the_hopeless]

I have this stupid thing where I run away from shit that I know I've gotta deal with like other functioning humans. There's just this incessant need to escape my reality and my existence. Facing life gives me immense anxiety and to see myself fail so much is a great cause of depression. I just want a do over. To not be this person I am and to succeed like everyone else. Sorry for rambling. I've been avoiding ppl lately and isolating so my thoughts and this forum are pretty much all I have.

 

[VicariouslyLiving]

This is exactly how I feel and why I wanna ctb asap. I hope everything works out for you but I know that feeling when something in your head seems to keep you from functioning. You can't tell what it is or where it came from but it's just there and you can't control it. I tried to get help early enough but I dont really trust people enough to talk about stuff like that. I can't really give you any advice in this situation but I wish you nothing but the best.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

I tried to get help early enough but I dont really trust people enough to talk about stuff like that.

THIS. For some reason I have a hard time opening up to people. Like I know, logically, if I just explain myself to people they'd be more understanding. But I can't seem to allow myself to open up in that way. My voice goes mute every time I try to express myself vocally. I feel like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. I just feel like everything I say can be used against me. And given my past, I have a hard time trusting people.

 

[VicariouslyLiving]

And given my past, I have a hard time trusting people.

Same here. I did everything I could for various people only to get cheated on or left alone by them over and over again. It's way easier to be alone with all your sadness and anger then talking to someone about it without knowing how they would react.

 

[Rotten thing]

I have this stupid thing where I run away from shit that I know I've gotta deal with like other functioning humans. There's just this incessant need to escape my reality and my existence. Facing life gives me immense anxiety and to see myself fail so much is a great cause of depression. I just want a do over. To not be this person I am and to succeed like everyone else. Sorry for rambling. I've been avoiding ppl lately and isolating so my thoughts and this forum are pretty much all I have.

I hear you my friend, I hear you.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Same for me but to be fair to myself, I really hadn't been taught any other way.
My level of trust issues is insane and I'm paranoid AF.
When I was younger I'd find my escape in fiction by imagining interactions with my favourite characters.
As a child I liked playing a runaway with my dolls, by pretending they were moving house and then packing and unpacking their stuff.
This reality and realm feel very foreign to me.

 

[awfullife]

When the problems become chronic daily struggles with no hope for the future, ctb is sadly a reasonable option...I'm not referencing relationship conflict or job stress...rather I'm talking about being 40 y/o, working 60 hours a week at an awful job, and not being able to afford a roof overhead. Don't even have silverware or dishes. Would you want your kids raised in that environment? I wouldn't.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

Same for me but to be fair to myself, I really hadn't been taught any other way.
My level of trust issues is insane and I'm paranoid AF.
When I was younger I'd find my escape in fiction by imagining interactions with my favourite characters.
As a child I liked playing a runaway with my dolls, by pretending they were moving house and then packing and unpacking their stuff.
This reality and realm feel very foreign to me.

I spend a lot of time in pretend land escaping. I write a lot and have a really bad tendency to day dream. Like really bad. I will literally spend hours in my head. I've been like this since I was a child. Being in this reality sucks.