Rumination

[mlcs]

Do you ever feel despair thinking about how the things could've gone completely different way, just if you choose A instead of B, turned left instead of right? The worst pain is when you know there's nothing that can cendone anymore but your life was decided in a matter of seconds. I had so many chances and opportunities to turn everything around but I always ended up failing no matter how hard I was trying or how close I was.

 

[The anhedonic one]

There is a saying that goes like this:
" Life is not a rehearsal ".
It's a great pity that it's not a rehearsal .
If it was then I would have lived my life very differently second time around.

 

[mlcs]

I just don't understand how serious of wrong one-second decisions can ruin me for years.

 

[RedHates]

There is not a single day that goes by where I don't think of the one mistake I made that ruined my life. I have thought of every choice I could have done differently. It hurts so bad knowing that I could have saved not only my life, but another's.

 

[josephk]

The human condition is appalling. We are forced into making decisions about things, not knowing what the consequences will be. Quite often the consequences are dreadful & there's no rewind button. Some people seem to stroll through life with everything working out for them, but most I think live lives of sad desperation

 

[sunsetboat234]

Yes and the worst thing is when you mess up you can't go back it's like a game.

 

[mlcs]

I basically made 20 wrong decisions in a row that lead me to the lowest point ever. It's like I had a test with 20 AB questions and I chose the wrong one every single time. One thing leading to another, and I still haven't recovered from the first mistake. It's impossible to accept that things can turn out the worst way possible, butterfly effect at its finest.

 

[Crono]

I think this thought is just an illusion, we can't blame ourselves if we can't predict the future. Someone might regret not going to a party or something, but maybe if they had gone they could have had a car accident and become paraplegic. Of course it's an extreme example, but my point is that things just are what they are, there was never a possibility that life could have been any different for either of us.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes but then- I'm not a big one for regrets. We don't have hindsight (sadly.) Presumably we make the decisions we do for a reason. My decisions made sense at the time- to me at least! I guess I've just reached the stage where I just want to throw it all away- the good and the bad. Yes- my life could have been some place else now but that place would likely need even more effort than I've put in in the past and that thought seems just as sickening! I really just want to rest... forever!

It's weird- Where perhaps I'd ideally like to have been by now was further along in my 'career'- at least getting constant work. Still, my particular industry is reknown for exploiting people. 16 hour days aren't uncommon. So- it's like- would it make you more 'happy' to know you were being exploited?!! (Even more than you are now?) Hmmm- probably not!

 

[mlcs]

I'm aware of that, but not able to accept it. When I was comparing lives of people around me and my own, I just couldn't understand. When I make one wrong decision or there's a problem, it just leads to the bigger one, and another one after that, and one more as well, till I colapse. I just don't understand it. I mean I do partially, but I'm still shocked how the things can be turned upside down that easy. The only way for me to make peace with it is to ctb. Then it will be just one of the things that had to happen and without possibility that it could be any different.

 

[hellispink]

Every decision i have taken was wrong a mistake. It haunts me and makes my heart very heavy