hey, i just wanted to express that your situation sounds a lot similar to mine. we probably have a lot in common lol.
The girl I started talking to not too long ago has been so patient with me and so supportive of my recovery but I just can't shake the feeling that she'll leave eventually, and that I'm making her life worse and weighing her down. We sort of broke up due to her own mental health struggles but she has expressed that she wants to get back together once she's in a better place and I can't help but feel that I made her worse.
i understand u man. i had this friend who was so patient with me and said they wouldn't leave me until i recovered. he had to take a break from me because we went in a cycle of toxicity and said that he did want to go back to being friends with me. i basically gave him depression and he still wants to be friends with me. it took me a while to understand, but that was a sign that he cared enough about me to want to salvage and save the relationship even if it meant taking a break and coming back when we've both reflected. it's gonna be so tough struggling to recover alone atp but it'll definitely be better in the long run when you both take some time to think and reflect. sure, you may have hurt her but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't recover.
you might not be able to immediately understand why she still wants to be with you and that's ok. but from what i can understand, she cares enough about you and your relationship with her that she wants to better herself so she can help you as well. she took a break because she wants to be in a healthy mental state to be able to support you and be there for you. not because she wants to leave you. i'm sure it was a difficult decision for her as well. it's pretty hard to support someone else when you're struggling a lot yourself, right? it's gonna be hard to trust and fully take in the fact that she really does care about you. i know it took a while for me too in my situation.
i don't really want to give you unsolicited advice, but if you wanted some, you can keep reading. otherwise, you can disregard everything past this point.
even if you guys have somewhat broken up, it'd be a good idea to talk to her about your concerns if you havent already as long as she's comfortable with it. i don't think it'll hurt to ask nicely as she's already expressed that she doesn't necessarily want to leave you. she wants to come back. if you do, try not to vent or rant to her. have an interactive conversation about your and her feelings. i'm sure it's gonna be easier than actually committing to ctb at this point. remember, talking isn't supposed to be scary. you're trying to express your concerns about her and the relationship. maybe all you need is some reassurance right before yall separate temporarily.
another thing i've noticed is that you may have an avoidant attachment style? i'm no professional, so take my words lightly, but it may be something you'd want to look into. it can explain reasons why you act a certain way and help you work on yourself. basically, it means that you may have difficulty expressing yourself, trusting others, and may try to avoid intimacy. but yeah, if you're interested, try searching up attachment style signs and see which ones seem like they apply to you the most. it's definitely easier to recover when you know what's up.
good luck man. i really hope you can feel better soon.
