Venting Rotting away all day

[The Disqualified]

I just rot away all day. I can't resist the urge. I physically don't want to do anything. I feel lost. Without motivation or discipline. If it isn't social media, then it is youtube or even music all day. I just want to escape, all day, from my life.
All I think about is suicide.
As I look back at my life I see no way out. I wish someone knew me truly. I wish I could be honest with people around me, but instead it is all a performance. I don't feel like myself.
My dream is escaping to somewhere peaceful and blissful. Somewhere in nature, near a river, in the woods, on top of a mountain.
My days consist of very long walks and observing nature. I love it, but I feel alone.
I hope whoever reads this has a better day than mine.

 

[dreaming]

I feel the exact same way, I fantasize about suicide almost all the time now, always trying to just distract myself from how I feel.
Although I don't find as much comfort in nature unless its snowwy, I do love the snow so much.
I kinda lost the will to keep faking myself around others, but because of that now I've had to avoid people completely to avoid alarming them.

That's sweet of you to wish those reading to have a better day, I know its unlikely, but I hope in return somehow your day improves even if in some small way.

 

[chloeburbank]

Same. I rot away on minecraft for unhealthy amounts of hours and end up not being able to wake up for class. I honestly don't really care anymore because I have my SN but at the same time theres always that tiny feeling of guilt in the back of my mind.