Discussion ronnie mcnutt and @tearygirl

[DepressedAngel]

hey guys, so i recently saw the footage of ronnie mcnutt killing himself. it triggered me really badly, and i cried and was hyperventilating for about an hour. it made me think of @Tearygirl. if you don't already know, @Tearygirl and i talked for a few weeks before she decided to go through with ctb. i miss her every day, and i still consider her to be someone who i could always talk with about anything. the reason i had such a bad reaction to the video wasn't just because of how bloody the footage was. it was mostly because what if this had happened to her? what if @Tearygirl, or one of you, posted footage of yourselves ctb and i had to watch that and know that i had interacted with you and that people are so insensitive they think its funny. that bothers me too. deciding to ctb isn't funny. its not. i don't care what you think, its anything but funny. we are all on here trying to end it or trying to get better or just trying to get support. and yet some people would look at this site and laugh at us. i saw people commenting on the video of ronnie saying it was turning them on. this is disgusting. so i'm begging you to not watch the video (its not a very realistic way to go out, you'd need to make sure to aim directly for the brain stem) and it don't share it, because it could traumatize someone. i was also wondering if it was okay that i had such a bad reaction? should it have bothered me that much? i'm not explaining any of this right, its more like venting at the moment, but if someone would like to comment and we could have a discussion about your reaction to how people in this hell think or your reaction to the video that might help some. i suppose the main thing you could take away from this is that i think people in this hell of a world are sickening, and will do anything they can to bring each other down for no real reason at all.
oh, also, my friend just lost his friend and he posted about it on a platform. it was the same platform where i saw people commenting that the video was "turning them on". people were leaving comments for my friend telling him his friend was rotting in hell and shit like that. it just bothers me. he's going through the same thing i was when @Tearygirl died and it feels terrible, i know. i can't imagine what it would have been like to have people trying to bring me down when i'm going through something like that. actually, i can, and it hurts like hell. i would have probably already been gone if i hadn't had you all supporting me.
anyways, i'm still sick to my stomach a day later, and no one really seems to notice or care. please reach out and let me know i'm not alone if you've seen this video. wishing all of you the best, hugs xo

 

[Deleted member 10475]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way I didn't watch the video but the description of it bothered me enough to give me anxiety. A lot of people on the internet are desensitized to this sort of stuff and it doesn't bother them, you're just a very empathic person, which is a great thing, and that's why it's affecting you so much.

I feel this exact same way whenever I read the news and I try to just distract myself as much as possible to bring myself back down. Try to consume a lot of cutesy, funny stuff if you can lol it'll help a lot.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I watched it. Actually a couple of times. I was expecting a warning before it happened but it happened so fast I wasn't sure what I saw. I have many mixed feeling with it.

No I don't believe its just so easy to shoot yourself like he did. I have my older sons gun and asked my brother a couple of weeks ago to teach me to shoot it. He said no I can't you'll shoot yourself with it. Don't you remember the guy over in xyz town that had a bandana on his face? some girl asked him why he always wore it and he lifted it up and had no face (he was more descriptive) from a failed attempt. I don't remember this person honestly. It's been ohh at least 25 years since we lived in the same state as the town xyz. So apparently yes you can shoot off just your face or only a part of your brain than be stuck vegetative dependant on strangers forever. Not for me...

I feel he live streamed it to get that final say and devastate those who loved him. I read comments, apparently he called? his mom on facebook live and she watched it. I'm here because my older son passed in a car accident. I just cannot live without him. As a mom I cannot imagine what that woman is going to endure. She lost her husband a year ago now watching her son do that? I didn't see my son after his car accident. I only picture what he could have looked like from the autopsy report-those images haunt me terribly I feel so sorry for his mother who actually saw the last moments of her son. The comments people replied were totally disgusting. Does anyone not have a slightest bit of compassion? this is a really disturbing world more so than I thought after reading those comments. I will agree- Do NOT watch it. I'm 48 it was very disturbing. You don't get a warning- it just happens and you cannot unsee it. May Ronnie McNutt rest in peace and his mother be able to find a tiny touch of it.

@ op I'm sorry for loss of your friend. I can only imagine how you feel meeting her here and she followed through. I am new here and the first CTB happened today. I feel very awkward about it and afraid to comment on his thread. I didn't have any interaction with him. I wish I could have if the pic on his page is him he is very young. I hope I can touch at least 1 person before I CTB to change their plans. I have a big heart and my entire life I was a mom. It's all I know. So it really hurts my heart so many younger folks are going through what they are. I tried to CTB as a teenager and life gave me my son and it was worth sticking around for. SO I try to offer my support as a mother and also as someone who has been there and as well as on my final destination soon.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

There's a lot of sick and horrible people in this world. And I think being able to be anonymous and hide behind a computer screen gives people the confidence to say all sorts of nonsense. I don't understand how people can find it funny or get pleasure from watching someone die.

I chose to not watch the video. Accidentally coming across a screenshot of the video on reddit was upsetting enough.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Almost 20 years ago, there was a website with death scene photos. There were a lot of suicide photos. There are some that I still remember and are still upsetting, and I wish I'd never looked. I also remember before that maybe the first guy to suicide on the web with a gun to the mouth, I can still recall it and I'm sorry I saw it, it was emotionally intense and not nearly the level of gore you're describing with Ronnie McNutt. I think your reaction is totally okay. And because it's a personal subject, it's understanding that your reactions are heightened. Back when I was talking about, there was also a website of celebrity death photos, and there was one of a comedian and it couldn't get it out of my mind. For many years, that was how I remembered him.

I'm somewhat desensitized because of my father's job as a homicide detective. I've seen plenty of photos. But because I have a boyfried who suicided by shotgun, I'm still sensitive to anything having to do with that. And some things are just really over the top to see. As many photos I've seen because of my dad's cases or a youth (teens) course he taught, he never showed me or the students anything as extreme as what I saw on that website, or self-inflited shotgun wounds.

There are certain things that human can't help being upset by, such as missing limbs or body features, or a child being in danger or dying. We're actually hardwired for that. So I hope you'll give yourself some slack for being upset by something that's both graphic and hits close to home.

Also, humans have always had a group-attack mentality. In certain cultures where there has been a long history of oppression and violence, humor is a way to cope, such as in Russia. There's desensitization and lauging about some pretty sick shit. And cultures with hazing rituals can be like that. Ghettos can be like that. But I'm 49, I lived life without the Internet for 25 years, and I can tell you, mainstream Western culture wasn't like this, there was not a bullying culture, prior to the Internet and at home video games after Nintendo that were so real to life and so violent. I've seen a lot of culture shifts due to these two things, such as rampant childhood obesity, an increase in teen suicides (my boyfriend was a rarity and it was so shocking it was talked about throught the entire school district, and we were in a huge metropolitan city, this was in the mid-Eighties). There was not a gaslighting culture, and though narcissitic guys existed, it wasn't predominant in culture. I admit here, btw, I'm
white middle class, so I have a different experience. When I say Western culture, I'm aware that white culture has been dominant, and that folks who came from lower income families and non-white families experienced a lot more of the pain and desensititation and abuse that is now so rampant throughout popluar and mainstream culture.

Sorry to go off on a tangent. The OP brings up provocative things that go in several directions, personally and culturally.

___________________________

I hope I can touch at least 1 person before I CTB to change their plans. I have a big heart and my entire life I was a mom. It's all I know. So it really hurts my heart so many younger folks are going through what they are. I tried to CTB as a teenager and life gave me my son and it was worth sticking around for. SO I try to offer my support as a mother and also as someone who has been there and as well as on my final destination soon.

First, please know I've seen your posts and I have a lot of compassion for your situation.

That said, gently...this is a pro-choice site. We often ask people here if they're certain and try to help them figure out alternative solutions, because death is permanent. But to set out with a goal to change someone's mind doesn't respect their right to choose nor their choice if they've made it, and regardless of age. It's one thing to try to change the mind of a specific person in a specific situation, but to just have the goal to change one person's mind, whoever that may be, so that you feel good or have met the goal you choose for yourself through another, is focused on you rather than the other, is other-controlling, and is anti-choice. So I just wanted to say that, because this is supposed to be the one place that is safe from others trying to impose their will and their preferences. If you especially can't handle the younger folks because you are a mother, I gently suggest you don't interact with them, because then their stuff becomes about your stuff, and what you want for them becomes their burden if they don't have the assertiveness to reject it.