Romanticising suffering

[MicahBell]

Does anyone find themselves romanticising suffering? Like , desiring it?

if anybody has read Confessions of a Mask buy Yukio Mishima, it's something like that. The desire to have a "tragic life" or something. Feeling envy towards people who work dead-end jobs that people look down upon, going home to an apartment with peeling wallpaper and eating instant noodles.

I don't desire the loneliness or lack of identity now. but something like working a shitty, low paying job, living alone in a one bedroom apartment in the city. the city is horrible. abusing drugs and alcohol to escape it all. every time i walk in the rain i fantasise about being hit by a car and lying in the street, not just because im suicidal, but i find it appealing because of just how bleak it is.

as long as i wasn't lonely, suffering and living an insignificant, unimportant life sounds attractive to me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

A colleague I worked with once said when she was younger, she wanted to have a difficult life. She was religious so, thought it was more pious.

I think there are different types of stresses in a job. I have worked wage slave, retail jobs. Perhaps they're not as intensely stressful as jobs with more responsibility but, you're still expected to work hard. Some managers are on power trips. It's not exactly fulfilling to do something you yourself finds little value in (if you do.) Plus, they'll be one or two customers who are only too happy to tell you what little value you have! And, you have to smile and say 'thank you' in return.

I've done Head of Department jobs- which I found stressful and unfulfilling in other ways. But, I'd still prefer them over retail. At least they were more along the lines of what I studied.

I suppose that's the major thing though really. Any job becomes hellish when you realise you don't want to be there. Either that you've maybe squandered your education and abandoned your dreams. Wage slave jobs like retail are exhausting and soul crushing too. So, there's often little enthusiasm to pursue your real interest as a hobby. Standing up for between 8 and 12 hours isn't fun either- with minimal breaks. There again, the other end of the spectrum I'm sure is awful too. During covid, a delivery driver said he'd quit his city job and was so much happier.

As for a dodgy city. Can't say it appeals really. Maybe visually as a sort of dystopia but, I wouldn't want to live it. That said, I can totally relate to wanting to shed responsibilities.

 

[ZMkxAVBQ]

There's a detachment with which we can look at bad lives that are still not our lives. The life you describe doesn't sound as terrible in a brief summary as it would feel if you had to live through every second of it.