Venting Revisiting after 3 years

[chainsofjudecca]

Hello. I am a returning member. I attempted back in '21 and failed, unfortunately. This led to an involuntary hold in a psychiatric ward following the worst treatment I'd ever received after naively telling my psych I was thinking of committing. I was harassed and arrested by police. I spent 2 months in the hospital and was treated like scum. After getting out, I resolved myself to being more careful and hiding my intentions from then on.

Now I am suffering more than ever. My doctor finally acknowledged last month that I have fibromyalgia. Nothing helps. I've tried every pain med, every exercise, every bs diet. I can't get out of bed in the morning without crying and pleading for someone to kill me. I am sure of CTB this time. I believe I under went ego death so nothing but the pain seems to faze me; I'm on autopilot. I don't enjoy things. Everything is transient. I think about death every single day, for more than a few hours.

I'm resolved to partial suspension, perhaps a ratchet strap. I am certain the next bad flareup will be my last.

If anyone else knows the agony of having fibromyalgia, I'm open to talking about it.

 

[_Gollum_]

I'm sorry you had that experience with the police and the psych ward, even just a few days in a psych ward was enough to make me never want to go back. All those mantras about "reaching out" and "speaking up" turned to acid in my ears after this experience.

I hope your pain ends soon <3

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrific what you've been through, it's hellish how people have to suffer so extremely in this existence. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry you are still suffering and suicidal all these years. Hope you find peace