hoppybunny
Fearer of the Future
- Jun 26, 2024
- 152
I have a very defeatist personality. So i basically reject any ideas before I even try it because i'm sure they won't work. So this is hitting very hard in therapy right now. anytime she even suggests anything, i get annoyed and frustrated cause i'm convinced it won't work.
My main issue is that fundamentally, I understand the joys of life and blah blah blah but I have no interest in it. Like life is really just getting drained by everyone and settling for the next best thing cause heaven forbid you actually get what you want in life and then working and working to stay alive and afford the things that will make me happy.
So because of that, despite having goals and wishes they all seem pointless cause I've resigned myself that life sucks and I will kill myself, and trying is pointless. Cause i'll die anyway so why not make it faster. Like i'm just certain that I will hate working and living so now anytime my therapist suggests anything i'm like "yah no that's not working"
tho sometimes she does suggest actually useless shit. Like i legit talked about how i was tired of settling and not getting what I want and she was like "is there anything in your ideal life you'd be willing to compromise on?" like bro i just told you i didn't want to do that!! why would you suggest it??!!
My main issue is that fundamentally, I understand the joys of life and blah blah blah but I have no interest in it. Like life is really just getting drained by everyone and settling for the next best thing cause heaven forbid you actually get what you want in life and then working and working to stay alive and afford the things that will make me happy.
So because of that, despite having goals and wishes they all seem pointless cause I've resigned myself that life sucks and I will kill myself, and trying is pointless. Cause i'll die anyway so why not make it faster. Like i'm just certain that I will hate working and living so now anytime my therapist suggests anything i'm like "yah no that's not working"
tho sometimes she does suggest actually useless shit. Like i legit talked about how i was tired of settling and not getting what I want and she was like "is there anything in your ideal life you'd be willing to compromise on?" like bro i just told you i didn't want to do that!! why would you suggest it??!!