Venting Relying on other people for your happiness

[AnonymousL]

What's the point if I have to rely on other people to feel a little bit of happiness?

I can't feel happy on my own.

When I am alone , I feel depressed and like I'd want to ctb right then and there.

If I can't be happy with myself , I shouldn't be living. That's a miserable life.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What would make you happy? Would there be sth that you'd like to enjoy but you cannot?

 

[DogSandwich]

I know exactly what you're feeling. I don't make myself happy and too much time alone since my divorce has left me feeling completely undermined and, at times, unhinged. Like I'm close to losing touch with something important.

I have codependency issues stemming from abuse and neglect as a child and all of my self-worth and my sense of comfort is based almost entirely in whether I'm in a committed relationship. It's pathetic and feels like torture when I'm alone.

 

[AnonymousL]

and my sense of comfort is based almost entirely in whether I'm in a committed relationship. It's pathetic and feels like torture when I'm alone.

This is exactly me.
But then my whole mood depends on them as well.

If they act slightly off , i feel like the world is ending.

What would make you happy? Would there be sth that you'd like to enjoy but you cannot?

Not Really.

I go to the gym, I went for a walk in the park yesterday.

But I can't stop thinking about CTB and that i'm alone all the time.

 

[Zanmato]

But I can't stop thinking about CTB and that i'm alone all the time.

I'm sorry that you feel like this
For me, the worst moments are on nights, when I can't sleep.
A lot of thoughts in my head, about me, about my life, and sometimes I can only think: I can't handle this anymore.

 

[AnonymousL]

I'm sorry that you feel like this
For me, the worst moments are on nights, when I can't sleep.
A lot of thoughts in my head, about me, about my life, and sometimes I can only think: I can't handle this anymore.

Sorry to hear that. :(

 

[PrincessMeow]

Could you get a pet?

 

[DogSandwich]

This is exactly me.
But then my whole mood depends on them as well.

If they act slightly off , i feel like the world is ending.

Not Really.

I go to the gym, I went for a walk in the park yesterday.

But I can't stop thinking about CTB and that i'm alone all the time.

Not that it's something anybody should self-diagnose, but maybe look into BPD. The ways that you're dealing interpersonally sound a bit like that.

 

[AlternativeBagel]

My own codependency isn't linked to just romantic relationships. I have a tendency to find my happiness from other people in general. But especially friends. It's not that I mind being alone, it's just that I need to have someone in my life that can keep me grounded so to speak. This isn't fair to the other people. It's like you said, "If I can't be happy with myself, I shouldn't be living"

 

[AnonymousL]

Could you get a pet?

I wish but my landlord doesn't allow it.

And since it's so hard to find housing these days I don't wanna break that rule. I hope I can extend the contract for another year. If I haven't ctb'd by then

Not that it's something anybody should self-diagnose, but maybe look into BPD. The ways that you're dealing interpersonally sound a bit like that.

I have seen a lot of TikTok's about it and I do resonate with a lot of it.

But I'm not sure. I could bring it up to my psychologist maybe

 

[LaughingGoat]

I don't make the recommendation with the promise that you'll be "happy" or won't think of ctb as I still do, however I have found a relative stability in practicing stoic philosophy (mixed with some other types). In essence it is about exactly what you are describing, understanding that contentment or happiness needs to be developed internally rather than relying on external forces. Some people have a misunderstanding of it since it has recently "alpha or hustler" type influencers have tried to co-opt it, but it was never developed as a hyper-masculine or success obsessed philosophy; quite the opposite.

 

[Helvete]

to me it sounds like you have anxious attachment style. this leads to you finding all of your joy/self worth/reason to live in a person or pet. You feel like you are on the top of the world when they are loving you, and even a weird look or bit of apathy can make it all come crashing down. There is alot of good material out there on AA so I would recommend researching it and what you can do about it. There are also support groups for this somewhere online but its been years since ive investigated

 

[AnonymousL]

to me it sounds like you have anxious attachment style. this leads to you finding all of your joy/self worth/reason to live in a person or pet. You feel like you are on the top of the world when they are loving you, and even a weird look or bit of apathy can make it all come crashing down. There is alot of good material out there on AA so I would recommend researching it and what you can do about it. There are also support groups for this somewhere online but its been years since ive investigated

oh yes for sure!

I have found a lot of info abt it alreaady and I am 100% sure thats the case.

 

[UKscotty]

Living for others is what makes us human.

I don't think it's about other people making us happy, but living together so everyone can be happy.

Sadly this is hard with depression as all we can see is negative and me me me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

In my life experience it's not a good thing to rely on others for your happiness, because they'll let you down every single time. That being said, I've never been able to find any happiness for myself being alone, either. Any happiness I have had in life was always fleeting, oftentimes just ripped away shortly after I became cognizant that I was experiencing happiness. Life is just a bunch of horrific experiences and disappointments with a little bit of happiness thrown in, if you're lucky, every now and then to just mess with you and get you set up for the next horrific experience or disappointment.