Relationship with a narcissist

[Lolkillme]

I mean HOLY FUCK. It's been awhile since we dated, but just now I am starting to realize that my relationship with my ex was a straight up nightmare scenario. Literally, the worst possible situation I could have ever been in. My mental health wasn't the best before the relationship, but now it's just straight up garbage. It seems like the more work I do to try to feel less shitty, the more I start to understand how completely and utterly fucked it was. It's like a time bomb. The realizations of lies and situations months after. I'm not sure I've ever felt so unsafe. So completely disgusted and hurt by someone who claimed to love me. I was suicidal long before this but the fact that people like that exist in the world and I was lied to about it the entire time.... there's no more faith left. I can't stop shaking. It won't stop hurting.

 

[Pluto]

I have a father and a sister who are narcissists. I know how they leave you in complete and utter ruins, ready for the grave, while they casually move on. Know that you're not alone. There are countless groups online offering support for victims of narcissistic abuse. It will take time to learn to trust again.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

What exactly do narcissists do?

 

[Lolkillme]

What exactly do narcissists do?

Alot, honestly just Google it or look it up on YouTube. There's a big rabbit hole to go down that I can't quite sum up nicely

 

[Pluto]

What exactly do narcissists do?

They are completely devoid of the ability to empathise with others. So it is their nature to be shamelessly manipulative, employing tactics like gas-lighting. The experience is of slowly losing one's sense of self, draining away all self-worth, being confused over what is or isn't real, loss of healthy boundaries, loss of ability to trust and general trauma.

The narcissists themselves simply don't know any different. They are just employing their modus operandi. I think that the lack of education on this topic is a horrendous oversight on the part of the education system. People find out about it the fun way.

 

[Lolkillme]

They are completely devoid of the ability to empathise with others. So it is their nature to be shamelessly manipulative, employing tactics like gas-lighting. The experience is of slowly losing one's sense of self, draining away all self-worth, being confused over what is or isn't real, loss of healthy boundaries, loss of ability to trust and general trauma.

The narcissists themselves simply don't know any different. They are just employing their modus operandi. I think that the lack of education on this topic is a horrendous oversight on the part of the education system. People find out about it the fun way.

See I disagree with the last part, I think they know what's right and wrong, but they choose the wrong thing anyway. That's why things are so confusing. If you do what they do to you they'll flip out, but the rules don't apply to them. My theory is that they just don't care. Go through enough trauma and you'll either come out an empath or a narcissist. Both know what it's like to hurt. But one of them wants to keep others from feeling that pain, while the other decides that everyone else will feel that pain so they don't have to. They know, but they just don't care

 

[deadverysoon]

i think they know very well what they are doing.

i was married to one over 5 years.

never recovered from that.

 

[Lolkillme]

i think they know very well what they are doing.

i was married to one over 5 years.

never recovered from that.

I can't even imagine 5 years. That truly sounds like hell. Please tell me you're done with that

 

[Pluto]

See I disagree with the last part,

i think they know very well what they are doing.

I admit that my interpretation may be an attempt at self-soothing!

One of the interesting traits that my sister had was being incredibly cruel to totally innocent people. I later read somewhere that narcissists feel that other people are so pathetically inferior to them that they deserve punishment.

My understanding is that the root of the problem is a total inability to empathise. The part of the brain that deals with empathy stops functioning outright. It is normal for young children to pass through stages in which they do not empathise, because they are at an age where survival is everything. The narcissist remains trapped for life. I don't know what the solution is but I do wish everyone were educated.

Narcissists have run entire countries before. Those would be the ones where millions of people die gruesome deaths for no real reason, yet the dear leader never loses a second of sleep. That's how serious the issue is.

 

[deadverysoon]

with enough trauma you can turn everyone into a monster - think its not really a choice.

when youre overhelmed with trauma you are just not able to be nice.

i came out of this relationship - just broken. and with every succsessful gameplay you will trust less and will get more and more like them.

 

[deadverysoon]

I can't even imagine 5 years. That truly sounds like hell. Please tell me you're done with that

yeah. and i started to recover. and than i got the job in this company. and now its just gameover.

See I disagree with the last part, I think they know what's right and wrong, but they choose the wrong thing anyway. That's why things are so confusing. If you do what they do to you they'll flip out, but the rules don't apply to them. My theory is that they just don't care. Go through enough trauma and you'll either come out an empath or a narcissist. Both know what it's like to hurt. But one of them wants to keep others from feeling that pain, while the other decides that everyone else will feel that pain so they don't have to. They know, but they just don't care

i think the difference between a narcisst and everyone else is, that a narcisst never is suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have been through this, it sounds really traumatic. People can be so cruel. I wish you well.