Venting Relapse

[BodyOfDaffodil]

Since the incident surrounding my step brother and my parents, I've been disowned and kicked out to the streets again. I've relapsed hard into drugs, like c@ke and ectasy among other things. I went forward with the fetus deletus and now I find myself drowning in guilt and shame. Am I wrong for not wanting to have a kid from someone I trusted? Is this all my fault? Am I the one to blame for all of this?

I haven't been abel to think very clearly since well gievn everything going on I haven't really had time to think. I've been trying to get into homeless shelters in my area and ones further away from the area i live in. I am very lost, and scared. Ihave faced homelessness many times before so this isny my main proble,m, it's mostly the guilt of whst i've done to a thing that didn't cause me anyharm, but was only the result of something that had haappened to me. I am distraught and grieving what I have become.

I was doing so good I was doing so good and then i went and fucked it all up. I am alone and no one around me cares; they see me as a monster and a disgusting lesser human because of it and i am beginning to think the same as well. I am thinking about CTB soon, to end this all. This life hasd granted me nothing but pain and suffering; no happiness or joy and i am just some joke to god. Now matter how manu times i prayed and begged for forgievenss, God never came.

I hate this. i hate myself.

 

[OrphicEnd]

It's horrible, no of course you're not to blame, you were raped and forced to look after a child you didn't want, this is absolutely not normal or forgivable.
Have you looked for an association that could get you justice? I sincerely hope that your situation gets better