Recovery or ctb, I'm on the fence

[eatantz]

My mums going to give me £200 a month if i exercise and enter society (e.g. go outside). This would trigger my recovery journey since my main problems consist of the way i look, and anxiety. But if I'm able to obtain this money then ill have enough to buy SN or other methods.

I'm torn, recovery feels so impossible but dying also feels out of my reach. I hope this deal with my mum will push me to recovery, if i improve my health it will up my confidence then ill be able to tackle my anxiety. My mood swings are what terrifies me, one moment i feel hopeful but then I'm drained of energy and waiting to die.

 

[m4rius]

My mood swings are what terrifies me, one moment i feel hopeful but then I'm drained of energy and waiting to die.

I have mood swings like these and what helps me is having a plan to stick to, to look forward to.

If I don't have anything to latch onto then I spiral over and over. Looking forward to something hopeful is what helped improve mental stability for me, so for example looking forward to my antidepressant treatment back then when I used to take, or anxiolytics, etc. Trial and error'ing.

If it's related to insecurities that build up on your anxiety and depression, I would also come up with plans to enhance myself so that I can build true confidence. I have convoluted plans for it that I'm actively undergoing, the vision of my future, enhanced self puts my mind at rest. Knowing the fact that I'm actually doing something practical can help calm me down.

There's no shortcut to this shit unfortunately. It's trial and error or we kill ourselves. I hope you find your path.

 

[Linda]

My mums going to give me £200 a month if i exercise and enter society (e.g. go outside). This would trigger my recovery journey since my main problems consist of the way i look, and anxiety. But if I'm able to obtain this money then ill have enough to buy SN or other methods.

I'm torn, recovery feels so impossible but dying also feels out of my reach. I hope this deal with my mum will push me to recovery, if i improve my health it will up my confidence then ill be able to tackle my anxiety. My mood swings are what terrifies me, one moment i feel hopeful but then I'm drained of energy and waiting to die.

If you are not sure whether ctb is the right choice for you then it isn't the right choice for you. At least, not yet.
I suggest you go outside and try to make it work. Even if you find it difficult, stick at it for at least 6 months. It should get easier as time passes.
If it doesn't get easier, and in 6 months time you feel you still can't make it work, the option to ctb won't have gone away.
Good luck.

 

[Zazacosta]

If you are not sure whether ctb is the right choice for you then it isn't the right choice for you. At least, not yet.

Linda, everywhere I open a thread, I must to write that I agree with you.

My mums going to give me £200 a month if i exercise and enter society (e.g. go outside). This would trigger my recovery journey since my main problems consist of the way i look, and anxiety. But if I'm able to obtain this money then ill have enough to buy SN or other methods.

I'm torn, recovery feels so impossible but dying also feels out of my reach. I hope this deal with my mum will push me to recovery, if i improve my health it will up my confidence then ill be able to tackle my anxiety. My mood swings are what terrifies me, one moment i feel hopeful but then I'm drained of energy and waiting to die.

It seems that your mother is trying to be something like your "therapist". I do not think that money for going out is the best therapy, but it is definitelly interesting and not boring therapy. I would try that if I would be in your place.

 

[iknowwhatyouredoing]

if you are considering death and a recovery option is on the table then you have nothing to lose by trying

 

[eatantz]

if you are considering death and a recovery option is on the table then you have nothing to lose by trying

Very true, I'm going to take Lindas advice and try 6 months. If i don't get better than i know what to do with my money

 

[iknowwhatyouredoing]

Very true, I'm going to take Lindas advice and try 6 months. If i don't get better than i know what to do with my money

im rooting for u

 

[Mirrory Me]

That's a good deal if you ask me... I would rather think about how I would spend it on having fun this summer. or perhaps acquire something more profitable in the longer term.