Story Recovery diary - 05/13/2025

[Rudi]

Decided to start a recovery diary (and also just a diary in general like for venting and stuff if needed) in hopes that this will help me a little during my process.
Starting this on May 13th 2025 !! :3

In my last post I mentioned that I give up on recovering. Proud to say that I changed my mind. As bad as my life is currently going I believe I can recover if I want to. I feel like I will relapse sooner or later but it's worth another shot, no? I have failed four attempts 'til now, so I believe that there is some hope for me. Sometimes (most of the time, actually) I wish those attempts would've been a success, but they ended up not being that. Might aswell make something out of it.

To start off - a small introduction !!:

Spoiler: Introduction :3

I guess I should start off by introducing myself just a little bit! :D
My name's Rudi (wow) and no, I'm not a girl and yes that name is short for Rudolf (call me anything but Rudolf)
In case anyone is interested in wanting to know what I look like, here's a face reveal:
I'm tired 24/7, this explains me pretty well! :3

I have a few fav songs which are also my comfort songs, and they would be these:

1119 - Edwin Rosen
New York, Rio, Rosenheim - Sportfreunde Stiller
The way life goes - Lil Uzi Vert, Oh Wonder
Mit dir kann ich alleine sein - Jeremias
The Spins - Mac Miller, Empire of the sun
Right here - Lil Peep
Martin - Carseatheadrest

I love love writing, drawing, reading, stars and, as you can tell, cats. Unfortunately I don't have a cat :( would love to have one tho! (fav breed is nebelung >:3)
And, lastly, I'm from Germany :D but I'm german and turkish.

My birthday is soon and I really want to feel just a tad bit better until then and I'm actually hopeful. Life is giving me opportunities, so I guess I could make something out of them.
I actually drank an entire liter of water today! Considering how I barely drink any water and mostly forget to do so, I think this is a huge step :3 and I actually ate some food. More than usual. Yippe!!
Can't say much about today overall. It wasn't a good day but I guess it could be worse. Happy to have achieved some stuff atleast. :D

I'm pessimistic and optimistic about this aaghh

 

[timf]

Just a word to encourage drinking water. You do not want to try to pass a bladder stone, it can be quite painful.

 

[Rudi]

Just a word to encourage drinking water. You do not want to try to pass a bladder stone, it can be quite painful.

I literally forgot to drink water today, thank you!! :,3

 

[damienlerone03]

The way life goes - Lil Uzi Vert, Oh Wonder

REALLLL SHITTTT RUBYYYYY

My birthday is soon

also i see u boi

 

[EternalShore]

a little late, but I'm wishing you the best in your attempted recovery, Rudi! :D

 

[Rudi]

a little late, but I'm wishing you the best in your attempted recovery, Rudi! :D

thank you shore !! <3

REALLLL SHITTTT RUBYYYYY

ONE OF MY FAV SONGS EVER DAN

also i see u boi

6 days left heh

 

[Rudi]

—> 27th June 2025

Update - I don't think I'm doing too well but I don't wanna give up. Then again I feel this close to relapsing and I can't even control it. I'm doing pretty okay during the day and also when I wake up but once it's night I suddenly lose it again. I feel like cutting myself til I bleed to death, I feel like leaving absolutely everyone in my life and all the other bad shit. I can't control myself, I can't control my own feelings and actions and it's killing me. I have nothing to live for.

Weirdly I still wanna recover, though.

 

[Rudi]

I sometimes genuinely forget i ever started this in the first place.
Either way

—> July 9th 2025

Recovery process is somewhat going well. Didn't end up relapsing even though I was very close to doing so. That's a huge step, I think.
Finally drank like 3 litres of water and actually started eating more, think I'm done starving myself lol. Pretty okay day, this is going better than I thought it would :p

 

[Rudi]

I love vanishing for months and then randomly coming back.

August 30th 2025

I have a feeling I'm close to full recovery! And this time I really hope I won't relapse, that'd just be upsetting. I've been doing much much better lately especially this past week, also starting to drink more water than usual (I usually don't go over a liter, it has now gone up to two! :D) and eating healthier. Proud to say I'm also finally able to leave my damn bed more than once a week without someone having to drag me out of it.
This would be it, just felt like sharing. <3