Venting Recalling the worst sensation after my suicide attempt

[Mors.Mors.Mors]

On February 28, I attempted suicide. It did not work. I don't know how, but I woke up. You would think I blacked out for a short period of time, but I still opened my eyes again. The first thing I felt was an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia and panic since I used a metal bar in my closet to hang the rope. I could felt how hard the rope was squeezing my neck, and the lack of air which caused my brathing to be agitated. Even so, I remember that there was a feeling that I could categorize as the worst of all, it was a combination of hopelessness and helplessness to feel that my only attempt to escape from all the pain that life had caused me had not worked. I was thinking in my head: 'Now what am I supposed to do next?'

I feel somewhat better now. I had surgery on March 21, but that is no guarantee that my health problems will be fixed, and that's scary. I would like to know if things are just going to get better or not, so that I can take a decision now, and not lose any more time. I just don't want to do a lot of effort for nothing. But I don't consider myself able to do it again.

I feel so ridiculous when sometimes I tell myself that I will push thorugh everything only to end up failing again and again lol.

How scary it is to be alive.

Just gotta push through the pain I guess.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you went through, I despise how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Mors.Mors.Mors]

That sounds really horrible what you went through, I despise how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms. But anyway best wishes.

Yeah. Euthanasia should be at least an option for chronic illnesses. The potential they have to destroy a precious live is terrible.