Venting Really terrified and scared just a random vent from a random useless person

[moshimoshi]

I feel disgusting for venting, I don't know. Also idk if this is triggering so just a warning for graphic descriptions. I'm just really scared right now. I want to recover but it's so fucking hard. I was feeling fine an hour ago but now I feel awful. I hate myself so so much. I don't know why I'm even writing this post it's so stupid. I hate myself for not being better why can't I even do the most simple of things. Why is reality so hard to perceive I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. I want to dig my nails into my arm very deeply and rip off my flesh I want to carve every inch of my body until just bones remain and I want to rip out all of my hair and tear my eyeballs out of their sockets. Is there even any hope or have I been holding onto a fake illusion. I fucking hate the cycles of depression, I hate feeling good because it's unfamiliar and scary, and I hate feeling bad because obviously it's a horrible feeling and I feel like 85% of my life I've been in a depressed state of mind. Is there even hope if the one person I thought I could trust and the people I thought that loved me it all ended up being false. It's so disgusting and vile. I wish somebody would beat me up and kick my stomach over and over again until I cough up blood, I want to be tortured and treated like shit. I'm sorry. I know in the scope of everything it doesn't matter that I'm writing this vent, which is kind of relieving. Also when I try to help people I'm very worried if my words just make it worse. I've been trying to be strong I've been trying to work on myself but I still feel like I'm drowning. Most of all I just miss being hugged, I miss be comforted. I almost never see another human anymore, I see another human like once every two weeks it feels like no one gives a shit anymore and honestly I don't blame them

 

[Red Moon]

That's some self hatred but yes I'm also in isolation myself and I don't see myself getting out of it anytime soon. I'm glad that you posted that Kingdom Hearts fanart for me. Sorry about it.

 

[Ares]

I'm so sorry. That sounds like absolute hell. If you ever need me I'm here. You're not alone, okay? Don't feel disgusted for venting, getting those thoughts out of your head is healthy. We're here to give reassurances after all, so don't worry!! ^^

 

[robotomy]

I feel disgusting for venting, I don't know. Also idk if this is triggering so just a warning for graphic descriptions. I'm just really scared right now. I want to recover but it's so fucking hard. I was feeling fine an hour ago but now I feel awful. I hate myself so so much. I don't know why I'm even writing this post it's so stupid. I hate myself for not being better why can't I even do the most simple of things. Why is reality so hard to perceive I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. I want to dig my nails into my arm very deeply and rip off my flesh I want to carve every inch of my body until just bones remain and I want to rip out all of my hair and tear my eyeballs out of their sockets. Is there even any hope or have I been holding onto a fake illusion. I fucking hate the cycles of depression, I hate feeling good because it's unfamiliar and scary, and I hate feeling bad because obviously it's a horrible feeling and I feel like 85% of my life I've been in a depressed state of mind. Is there even hope if the one person I thought I could trust and the people I thought that loved me it all ended up being false. It's so disgusting and vile. I wish somebody would beat me up and kick my stomach over and over again until I cough up blood, I want to be tortured and treated like shit. I'm sorry. I know in the scope of everything it doesn't matter that I'm writing this vent, which is kind of relieving. Also when I try to help people I'm very worried if my words just make it worse. I've been trying to be strong I've been trying to work on myself but I still feel like I'm drowning. Most of all I just miss being hugged, I miss be comforted. I almost never see another human anymore, I see another human like once every two weeks it feels like no one gives a shit anymore and honestly I don't blame them

I have nothing to say for now. Just know that you have been heard.

 

[derpyderpins]

I feel disgusting for venting , . . Most of all I just miss being hugged, I miss be comforted. I almost never see another human anymore, I see another human like once every two weeks it feels like no one gives a shit anymore and honestly I don't blame them

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Being touch-starved and feeling isolated - especially when you are trying and fighting as hard as you are - is absolutely valid and you have every right to vent. Reading it, and remembering when I've felt similar, I don't find it disgusting, and I do give a shit. I wish I could send you a hug through the screen.

 

[carac]

The only thing I can offer you right now is a couple of quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer one of my favourite TV Shows

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it"

"Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together."

Buffy Summers

 

[robotomy]

I hope that you at least feel better after sleeping. I've had nights where decent sleep fixed some feelings, even if temporarily.