angelcircuit
"I feel like I can do... just about anything."
- Feb 23, 2023
- 49
we never asked to be born yet here the fuck we are, brought into this nightmare unwarranted, and for what? trauma? disorders? war? pain? fuck that shit.
we, especially i, am tired. all i've been doing since i've fronted is daydream after daydream after daydream, and when i realize i live here i riot. sobbing, throwing shit, drowning myself in drugs and cuts and shit hoping for pain to go away and it never does. im sick of it.
im sick of dreaming about achieving my goals instead of actually doing them. because i can't.
no matter how hard i try to apply myself into hobbies i've always wanted to do, such as 3d art or animating, i always fall short. watching people younger than me reach such high expectations makes me want to put a bullet in my head. my art is never good enough, i never finish projects, and no matter how hard i fucking try i can't get anything out of it. its all just noise, i don't even enjoy art anymore but its the one thing im semi decent at. and when i finally get a commissioner they decide to leave me on read over and over again so thats awesome
outside of art i rot in bed, sleeping or dreaming with my eyes open as i think of more scenarios of a better life, with people and friends i don't have. its quiet, i'm alone, and there's nothing i can do to pass the time. i like to imagine fictional people comforting me and making me feel better, give me care no real living being ever has. its the only way i can fall asleep at night, pathetically enough, i don't have anyone, and im sick of sobbing and tearing seams apart with only the aching in my chest to comfort me. i think its cruel we were born. i sincerely do.
maybe i could actually gain it all if i tried harder, but i feel like ive tried my best throughout the years and it led to nothing. honestly? i just think its not worth it anymore, i've grown sick of it and i'd rather just kick the bucket instead of having the best life i can in the pit of fire that is earth lol. so funny, i used to be a very competitive person and now its like all the energy in me has been sucked away over the years
jesus i realize how all of this makes me sound pretentious. a lot of people have suffered far worse, and here i am crying about how i can't get stuff done even though its my fault. sorry.
anyways i also tried looking into SN because i was finally getting some money in, but when i checked the sites angel bookmarked all of them were gone so </333 im really pissed. this is awesome. yippee. i sobbed over that for a good few hours because it felt like my saving grace just dipped out on me ffs
we, especially i, am tired. all i've been doing since i've fronted is daydream after daydream after daydream, and when i realize i live here i riot. sobbing, throwing shit, drowning myself in drugs and cuts and shit hoping for pain to go away and it never does. im sick of it.
im sick of dreaming about achieving my goals instead of actually doing them. because i can't.
no matter how hard i try to apply myself into hobbies i've always wanted to do, such as 3d art or animating, i always fall short. watching people younger than me reach such high expectations makes me want to put a bullet in my head. my art is never good enough, i never finish projects, and no matter how hard i fucking try i can't get anything out of it. its all just noise, i don't even enjoy art anymore but its the one thing im semi decent at. and when i finally get a commissioner they decide to leave me on read over and over again so thats awesome
outside of art i rot in bed, sleeping or dreaming with my eyes open as i think of more scenarios of a better life, with people and friends i don't have. its quiet, i'm alone, and there's nothing i can do to pass the time. i like to imagine fictional people comforting me and making me feel better, give me care no real living being ever has. its the only way i can fall asleep at night, pathetically enough, i don't have anyone, and im sick of sobbing and tearing seams apart with only the aching in my chest to comfort me. i think its cruel we were born. i sincerely do.
maybe i could actually gain it all if i tried harder, but i feel like ive tried my best throughout the years and it led to nothing. honestly? i just think its not worth it anymore, i've grown sick of it and i'd rather just kick the bucket instead of having the best life i can in the pit of fire that is earth lol. so funny, i used to be a very competitive person and now its like all the energy in me has been sucked away over the years
jesus i realize how all of this makes me sound pretentious. a lot of people have suffered far worse, and here i am crying about how i can't get stuff done even though its my fault. sorry.
anyways i also tried looking into SN because i was finally getting some money in, but when i checked the sites angel bookmarked all of them were gone so </333 im really pissed. this is awesome. yippee. i sobbed over that for a good few hours because it felt like my saving grace just dipped out on me ffs
