Ready to CTB by partial but scared

[matilda2023]

I'm being evicted and will have to move back with my parents in my 30s. This record will haunt me for years. To not get caught since I'd have to leave this weekend, I have to do it this week. I've completely failed at life and can't recover from this and don't want to be a burden.

I've been reading through every partial thread and sometimes I feel reassured by posts saying I'll be unconscious in seconds and then discouraged by all the fails. I just don't have any money to be able to buy anything for full. I'm scared of failing, not dying at this point. I wish I had a guarantee it will work and I won't wake up. The threads are helpful and overwhelming all at once. It seems so simple and yet so complicated.

 

[qwerty1969]

It's a luck thing. My twin brother managed to CTB via partial. He essentially broke his neck. I want something that has a no fail outcome.

 

[lebrodude]

It's a luck thing. My twin brother managed to CTB via partial. He essentially broke his neck. I want something that has a no fail outcome.

Damn that must have been a long drop method he used to achieve that. Very brave of him.

 

[qwerty1969]

No, he basically was inches off the ground and was leaning forward. When he was found he still had a weak pulse but he couldn't be revived. I think he was just very determined to get it done.

 

[DarknessAndDespair]

if is about money problem, could a friend perhaps lend you some money until you get back on your feet? I would be very scared to attempt partial. I am preparing to go by N2.

 

[matilda2023]

if is about money problem, could a friend perhaps lend you some money until you get back on your feet? I would be very scared to attempt partial. I am preparing to go by N2.

No, I don't really have friends and the ones I do have aren't financially well off. At this point, the eviction is a done deal anyway and no one will rent to me again. I just need accessible ways out due to timing of needing to do it and not having money. If a belt doesn't make me unconscious in the time it's supposed to I can probably get rope on Amazon. I just tried practicing with a scarf but it made me actually gag and almost throw up and I'm scared a sheet would have the same impact?

 

[FuneralCry]

Hanging certainly sounds like a difficult method to succeed with and I envy those who managed to go through with it. I also fear ctb potentially failing, the thought of such a thing sounds so horrific to me but anyway I hope that you find the freedom that you are searching for.

 

[matilda2023]

Hanging certainly sounds like a difficult method to succeed with and I envy those who managed to go through with it. I also fear ctb potentially failing, the thought of such a thing sounds so horrific to me but anyway I hope that you find the freedom that you are searching for.

Thank you I won't be interrupted since I live alone which is helpful but when I try to practice, I get a little dizzy but don't black out which makes me nervous that I'll just be hanging or dangling and not getting anywhere. But I have a strong phobia of vomiting so SN is too scary for me. I'm even fine with the idea of full suspension honestly. I just want to be able to black out and let it happen
Update: I ended up ordering BDSM rope on Amazon. Hopefully it works and is strong enough