Ready for my bus but terrified of my family finding me

[sadpeach]

I'm one hundred percent ready to go; I've tried everything to get help. Nothing works. My last resort was having myself admitted last month and that was anything but helpful. I truly believe my brain is just wired funny or something. The most the healthcare system has done for me is give me a few official diagnoses and throw some SSRIs, anxiety & sleep meds at me. I'm a lost cause. I think I'm destined to go out like my old man who took his life with a shotgun back in 2018. I dunno. A couple things he gave me are his nose and crippling depression lol.

The only thing holding me back is trying to find a way for my fiancé to not find me. He's already found his father and his sister deceased… I really don't want him to find another person he loves. Why can't this be easier? :(

 

[CW36]

I'm one hundred percent ready to go; I've tried everything to get help. Nothing works. My last resort was having myself admitted last month and that was anything but helpful. I truly believe my brain is just wired funny or something. The most the healthcare system has done for me is give me a few official diagnoses and throw some SSRIs, anxiety & sleep meds at me. I'm a lost cause. I think I'm destined to go out like my old man who took his life with a shotgun back in 2018. I dunno. A couple things he gave me are his nose and crippling depression lol.

The only thing holding me back is trying to find a way for my fiancé to not find me. He's already found his father and his sister deceased… I really don't want him to find another person he loves. Why can't this be easier? :(

Sorry to hear about your situation. So you're planning to use a firearm?

 

[XdragonsoulX]

i feel this heavily, I'm afraid of my partner finding me I plan to try to go to a hotel or somewhere outside of the house so he doesn't have to find me and that there would be a better chance of authorities finding me after I'm gone

 

[sadpeach]

Sorry to hear about your situation. So you're planning to use a firearm?

I'm still trying to decide on a method. It seems like the best way to go for me, but too messy. I have access to a shotgun so realistically it's a good option. I just can't help but think about my fiancé having to find me like that. I was interested in SN but it seems like it's damn near impossible to get it in the USA.

i feel this heavily, I'm afraid of my partner finding me I plan to try to go to a hotel or somewhere outside of the house so he doesn't have to find me and that there would be a better chance of authorities finding me after I'm gone

It's definitely a hard spot to be in. Do you two live together? I've thought about that too, but with him knowing I'm wanting to CTB me randomly getting a room would set off alarm bells. Everyone's acting like I'm glass since I've gotten out of the hospital.

 

[TheAngel]

Plzz don't do this. If you have problem run somewhere safe where nobody knows you start a new life but please don't do it. Suicide doesn't eliminate any problems it just eliminates chances of life ever getting better. If you want someone to talk just talk to me alr but don't do it there is still time ...RUN

 

[CW36]

I'm still trying to decide on a method. It seems like the best way to go for me, but too messy. I have access to a shotgun so realistically it's a good option. I just can't help but think about my fiancé having to find me like that. I was interested in SN but it seems like it's damn near impossible to get it in the USA.

It's definitely a hard spot to be in. Do you two live together? I've thought about that too, but with him knowing I'm wanting to CTB me randomly getting a room would set off alarm bells. Everyone's acting like I'm glass since I've gotten out of the hospital.

Yes, shotgun suicide is a messy business. Obviously if you went down that route, best to do it in an external environment, so someone else finds you. Full suspension hanging is the best bet failing that (still the most popular method overall worldwide). I wouldn't jump, too risky and SI would be the worst. With drowning, the problem is you might never be found if wearing weights. Train and cars involve others. Cutting is frankly cruel and crap. Prescriptions and poisons are likely to fail. So if I was in your situation, my top two methods would be firearm and FSH, and in a wooded environment. A to spare loved ones and B to reduce chance of a rescue. That's my opinion, but think this through and make sure you're still 100%. Cause neither method offers a second chance right.

 

[John Ryder]

Plzz don't do this. If you have problem run somewhere safe where nobody knows you start a new life but please don't do it. Suicide doesn't eliminate any problems it just eliminates chances of life ever getting better. If you want someone to talk just talk to me alr but don't do it there is still time ...RUN

Well at least it's a change up from "permanent solution to a temporary problem". The pro life AI is advancing before our eyes! Like do you envision a local news segment 4 years from now? "And next, the double life of warm hearted Milwaukee native Ethel Wilson, who spent years as a candle in the dark, posting messages of hope on a prolific suicide cult web forum and preventing the unnecessary loss of countless 18 yr olds who had planned to overdose on Tylenol PM"
You'll be gone in 15 minutes

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I'm still trying to decide on a method. It seems like the best way to go for me, but too messy. I have access to a shotgun so realistically it's a good option. I just can't help but think about my fiancé having to find me like that. I was interested in SN but it seems like it's damn near impossible to get it in the USA.

It's definitely a hard spot to be in. Do you two live together? I've thought about that too, but with him knowing I'm wanting to CTB me randomly getting a room would set off alarm bells. Everyone's acting like I'm glass since I've gotten out of the hospital.

We do live together, and we spend a good amount of time together too (almost every moment which I don't mind) but I would like to play it as secretly as I can probably book it several months in advance and sneak away in the middle of the night without being noticed check in and that's it. He may file a report but by the time he notices and they find me I'd be a ghost

 

[sadpeach]

Plzz don't do this. If you have problem run somewhere safe where nobody knows you start a new life but please don't do it. Suicide doesn't eliminate any problems it just eliminates chances of life ever getting better. If you want someone to talk just talk to me alr but don't do it there is still time ...RUN

I get where you're coming from but I've been struggling with this for 11 years. Running won't rewire my brain. I've talked to people. Im content with not being alive.

 

[TheAngel]

Well at least it's a change up from "permanent solution to a temporary problem". The pro life AI is advancing before our eyes! Like do you envision a local news segment 4 years from now? "And next, the double life of warm hearted Milwaukee native Ethel Wilson, who spent years as a candle in the dark, posting messages of hope on a prolific suicide cult web forum and preventing the unnecessary loss of countless 18 yr olds who had planned to overdose on Tylenol PM"
You'll be gone in 15 minutes

Imagine a city where 2 million people live and each of the 2 million people have a dice of 3 trillion sides and everyone of them tosses the dice at the same moment and it lands in the same number. What are the chances of its happening? Mathematically, 1/ 10 to the power 147 trillion. That is the probability of being alive in this universe. Suicide doesn't eliminate problems of life it eliminates the chances of it ever getting better.

 

[sadpeach]

Yes, shotgun suicide is a messy business. Obviously if you went down that route, best to do it in an external environment, so someone else finds you. Full suspension hanging is the best bet failing that (still the most popular method overall worldwide). I wouldn't jump, too risky and SI would be the worst. With drowning, the problem is you might never be found if wearing weights. Train and cars involve others. Cutting is frankly cruel and crap. Prescriptions and poisons are likely to fail. So if I was in your situation, my top two methods would be firearm and FSH, and in a wooded environment. A to spare loved ones and B to reduce chance of a rescue. That's my opinion, but think this through and make sure you're still 100%. Cause neither method offers a second chance right.

I'm absolutely positive I'm ready. I appreciate the pointers really takes a lot of weight off knowing there are decent people out there really willing to hear me. Means a lot honestly.

Imagine a city where 2 million people live and each of the 2 million people have a dice of 3 trillion sides and everyone of them tosses the dice at the same moment and it lands in the same number. What are the chances of its happening? Mathematically, 1/ 10 to the power 147 trillion. That is the probability of being alive in this universe. Suicide doesn't eliminate problems of life it eliminates the chances of it ever getting better.

Pleeeeaase get this spammy garbage out of my safe space.

 

[John Ryder]

Imagine a city where 2 million people live and each of the 2 million people have a dice of 3 trillion sides and everyone of them tosses the dice at the same moment and it lands in the same number. What are the chances of its happening? Mathematically, 1/ 10 to the power 147 trillion. That is the probability of being alive in this universe. Suicide doesn't eliminate problems of life it eliminates the chances of it ever getting better.

"WhuuUuh!!?"

*immediately calls estranged father, come to terms with various neurological damage with a glance in the mirror, tosses N/backup SN into garbage with confident smile*

 

[sadpeach]

We do live together, and we spend a good amount of time together too (almost every moment which I don't mind) but I would like to play it as secretly as I can probably book it several months in advance and sneak away in the middle of the night without being noticed check in and that's it. He may file a report but by the time he notices and they find me I'd be a ghost

Honestly slipping away sounds doable for me possibly as well. I appreciate the idea

I wish you the best any which way I hope you're able to find some peace.

 

[CW36]

I'm absolutely positive I'm ready. I appreciate the pointers really takes a lot of weight off knowing there are decent people out there really willing to hear me. Means a lot honestly.

Pleeeeaase get this spammy garbage out of my safe space.

No worries at all. Yes, lot's of decent people are to be found in this community. The outside world would have you think we're more like monsters and cowards. Ignorance isn't always bliss.

 

[TheAngel]

I get where you're coming from but I've been struggling with this for 11 years. Running won't rewire my brain. I've talked to people. Im content with not being alive.

I get it is hard is so hard nobody deserves the pain that you've been through..But think about it You have been through all that and still are alive. You passed through all those turmoils Life threw at you all those dark nights when you cried to sleep. You are brave braver than anyone . This shall too pass . Please if you need to find solution to problem I'll help you find it . And I'll support you through everything. Before you decide anything I just want you to visit a old age home and talk to them about their mistakes past and how they feel about death. It'll help . If you haven't recieved love , please help someone else get it.
At last I will say that God gives hardest challenges to his strongest warriors. You are the bravest just hangin there ok?

 

[sadpeach]

On a happier note I'm interested in full/partial suspension. Got my mojo to start getting my plan in order.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

Honestly slipping away sounds doable for me possibly as well. I appreciate the idea

I wish you the best any which way I hope you're able to find some peace.

It's the best way I see cause I don't even have to take the car can just Uber or use public transit depending on where you are (we share a car so that would be better for me) but I plan to use this method so he won't find me when it's my time to ctb

 

[sadpeach]

I get it is hard is so hard nobody deserves the pain that you've been through..But think about it You have been through all that and still are alive. You passed through all those turmoils Life threw at you all those dark nights when you cried to sleep. You are brave braver than anyone . This shall too pass . Please if you need to find solution to problem I'll help you find it . And I'll support you through everything. Before you decide anything I just want you to visit a old age home and talk to them about their mistakes past and how they feel about death. It'll help . If you haven't recieved love , please help someone else get it.
At last I will say that God gives hardest challenges to his strongest warriors. You are the bravest just hangin there ok?

I don't believe in god. If he exists, I have a lot of qualms with him lmao. I have lots of love. In theory, I have a pretty decent life if you minus the prison that is my mind. Imagine spending every single moment of your life unable to think about anything other than ending your life. You're talking to someone and you appear happy, but you just think,"I could go slit my wrists right now and I'd be happy finally." Or fantasizing about taking a bath with a toaster. Please don't speak on something you know nothing of.

 

[TheAngel]

"WhuuUuh!!?"

*immediately calls estranged father, come to terms with various neurological damage with a glance in the mirror, tosses N/backup SN into garbage with confident smile*

I'm sorry for all that happened in your life . Know one deserves the pain you've been through. My friend, my brother , THIS LIFE ,THIS NIGHT ,YOUR STORY ,YOUR PAIN ALL OF IT MATTERS. Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. You have the power to stop it all and say " This is not how my story ends"

 

[sadpeach]

It's the best way I see cause I don't even have to take the car can just Uber or use public transit depending on where you are (we share a car so that would be better for me) but I plan to use this method so he won't find me when it's my time to ctb

Well in the meantime I hope you're able soak up that time with your partner I'll definitely be doing so too

 

[TheAngel]

Im

I don't believe in god. If he exists, I have a lot of qualms with him lmao. I have lots of love. In theory, I have a pretty decent life if you minus the prison that is my mind. Imagine spending every single moment of your life unable to think about anything other than ending your life. You're talking to someone and you appear happy, but you just think,"I could go slit my wrists right now and I'd be happy finally." Or fantasizing about taking a bath with a toaster. Please don't speak on something you know nothing of.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Your condition is treatable it's called as Harm OCD . It's like you have an intrusive thought that always bugs you in. But this is TREATABLE. Im sorry if I sound insensitive but I care about you.

 

[sadpeach]

Im

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Your condition is treatable it's called as Harm OCD . It's like you have an intrusive thought that always bugs you in. But this is TREATABLE. Im sorry if I sound insensitive but I care about you.

You do sound insensitive. I don't have "harm OCD". My diagnoses are major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, and social phobia but not harm ocd lol. And I've been seeking treatment for years, did you not even read my post? I've even been hospitalized. Clearly it's not treatable for me.

 

[John Ryder]

I'm sorry for all that happened in your life . Know one deserves the pain you've been through. My friend, my brother , THIS LIFE ,THIS NIGHT ,YOUR STORY ,YOUR PAIN ALL OF IT MATTERS. Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. You have the power to stop it all and say " This is not how my story ends"

I get what you think you're doing but it's patronizing and presumptive in the extreme to assume any given suicidal person you encounter is just a mildly confused dolt needing to hear the right slice of mealy mouthed platitude to "step baaaack from that leeeedge my friend" . This is the real world where grown adults arrive in that position as a last resort after no shortage of rational contemplation and attempts to better things. This is not a pioneer move, boss. Well trodden terrain and your SS career will be short if this is your one trick.

 

[TheAngel]

You do sound insensitive. I don't have "harm OCD". My diagnoses are major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, and social phobia but not harm ocd lol. And I've been seeking treatment for years, did you not even read my post? I've even been hospitalized. Clearly it's not treatable for me.

How old were you when you first started experiencing these things?

 

[sadpeach]

I get what you think you're doing but it's patronizing and presumptive in the extreme to assume any given suicidal person you encounter is just a mildly confused dolt needing to hear the right slice of mealy mouthed platitude to "step baaaack from that leeeedge my friend" . This is the real world where grown adults arrive in that position as a last resort after no shortage of rational contemplation and attempts to better things. This is not a pioneer move, boss. Well trodden terrain and your SS career will be short if this is your one trick.

Clearly homie thinks he's some disciple here to "save some lives" with a username like that lol. Cringing.

How old were you when you first started experiencing these things?

You aren't my doctor, pal. Bought time you sashay away off my post please and thank you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Im

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Your condition is treatable it's called as Harm OCD . It's like you have an intrusive thought that always bugs you in. But this is TREATABLE. Im sorry if I sound insensitive but I care about you.

I appreciate what you're trying to do but please bear in mind- many people- especially in this section of the forum have already heard this kind of stuff 100's of times before. To be brutally honest- many people come here to try and get away from the platitudes they hear everywhere else. I doubt it will be long before people start calling all of it 'toxic positivity.' Like I say- I appreciate it that you care about people but, might I suggest you look towards the 'Recovery' section to provide your support? People there may be more receptive to it.

Please do bear in mind that this is a pro-choice forum though. If you do post something and the OP replies to say they're not interested- in truth- everyone's going to get annoyed if you keep posting to tell them that they're wrong and to plead them to change their mind. It may come from a place of sympathy and care but it ends up coming across as patronizing- ie. You know more about their life than they do and you feel you have the right to tell them what and what not to do with it. I suspect this isn't your intention but please try to understand that this is how it may come across. As I said before, I think the 'Recovery' section may be a better place to try and help people. I wish you well.

 

[TheAngel]

Clearly homie thinks he's some disciple here to "save some lives" with a username like that lol. Cringing.

You aren't my doctor, pal. Bought time you sashay away off my post please and thank you.

I'm sorry if I have offended you in any ways . I wish you best of luck .If it helps just checkout this site sometime. You won't hear from me again

My Friend Told Me They Want to Die. What Should I Do?

When a friend admits they want to die, it may be a nerve-wracking situation for you to be in. What do you do? What do you say?

evolvetreatment.com

 

[sadpeach]

I'm sorry if I have offended you in any ways . I wish you best of luck .If it helps just checkout this site sometime. You won't hear from me again

My Friend Told Me They Want to Die. What Should I Do?

When a friend admits they want to die, it may be a nerve-wracking situation for you to be in. What do you do? What do you say?

evolvetreatment.com

Thanks for the giggle. Bye.

 

[Gaga786]

Im in the same boat as you. I think it is time for me to go. The worst thing is I will have to plan everything–something thats really hard because Im just so exhausted, I barely have the energy. Im also worried about the person finding me.

 

[CW36]

How old were you when you first started experiencing these things?

Ironic really, cause everyone knows the next two words that naturally follow the first two 'Of Death'.