Rather be dead than happy .

[C_F]

Anyone else reach a point where you'd rather die and call it quits oppose to trying to even be happy anymore ? It's a sad place to be .

Yes, I can be happy from time to time but I shut it down lately. Like the other day, I saw a very uplifting quote and I immediately chose to forget about it and not feel anything good from it. I just want to focus on being ready to CTB because like a lot of you said, I know the pain will come back hard anyway. I'm tired of being ok and then not. It's perpetual and I'm tired.

Interesting. I never knew what the definition of happy was until recently. When it happened, I actually didn't understand the feeling, and the person who made me have these feelings had to actually explain what it was.

For me, out of my 51 years, it came out of nowhere.

Try to be happy again? I honestly don't know how. Would I like to be again? Absolutely. I just don't expect it. Very thankful it happened that once, so I could experience it and now I know what it was like.

Do you know what triggered this sudden happiness?