Simba
Missunderstood Potato
- Dec 9, 2018
- 776
I'm getting stressed and a bit sad over the group home program that I'm not in anymore cause a)I'm on holidays in a different country and b)I feel like they'll all just move on as a place or whatever and I'll be behind.. I'm already been put to another group home program that is more permanent ,like a home for life ,by the same organisation but it's not the same.. Everything's different. Less spontaneous and more in place. I don't know what to do ,from what i understand there are reasons why the other group home program place put me here ,1 being self harm issues and apparently the fact that i was sexualy harassed is like "oh we'll put her there cause she's been sexualy harassed" .. The fuck anyone can get sexualy harassed !!!!!! I'm on holidays and i miss being in my previous place so much as i miss my friends ,too. I even don't always feel so much like maybe I'm not meant to be here... Like ,what is life beyond what we're living anyways ? I started some time ago thinking on ctb with SN ,got a site and it kinda scares me in all honesty... Not the buying process but the getting caught part is what scares me. So i get the SN ,then what ? Get those antiemetics whatever they're called and then I'll have my way out ? For fuck sakes ,i don't always understand this life ,like ,i really want a house with a garden - a female dog and a flock of chickens.. BUT due to price inflation in this world ,specifically also where i live it's pretty impossible to get a freaking house with a garden ,let alone an apartment ! I mean ,if you wanna get an apartment in an unsafe area i guess it'd be a tiny bit cheaper but not by much . Why am i even alive at this point ?? I get that the workers there are telling some of my friends why am i in the other place ,saying that I'm not independent n so on. I know I'm not fully independent but why do they gotta tell some of my friends about me ? Like "she's not here anymore so it's oks to talk about her". I'm not getting a house and I'm not getting a garden. I have to be realistic and practical that what i want is probably just not feasible unfortunately - tho i have the advantage of the disability money that i get once a month i guess but then in the other place I'm in I'm told it's "used and abused" ,why cause i want some savings so I'll have some base for my life ? Is that so horrible ?? I'm 29 ,single and have no romantic partner in my life and with my low self esteem i doubt someone would want to be with me romantically .... Anyways ,i guess this was just a rant to blow off... Sorry for the long post.
