I will be CTB within the next 3 weeks, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to share my thoughts on life and Suicide. My situation is a bit unique so maybe it will help others.
I have had clinical depression for over 30 years, sometimes bearable but many times I just wanted it to end the mental suffering. I always managed to get through it with support from my family(it seems to be genetic as a few of my siblings suffer with it as well do differing degrees) and medication. I do recommend getting anti depressants if you are suffering with depression.
I was always able to understand that my suffering would end and my life really was exceptional, my problems were strictly due to chemical imbalances and caused me to have a distorted perspective on my life.
My experience with therapy has been terrible though. All the ones I found seemed to do nothing more than keep an eye on you for a few days so you didn't CTB but not really helpful long term. The thing was every place that supposedly was for mental health really ended up being for drug and alcohol abuse, which was not my problem. I wish there were subjective therapists that were not completely against CTB from the start and actually tried to understand why I(WE) feel this way, but I'll address that after I explain why I can't recover this time.
So after suffering with depression for years I was hit with a diagnosis of terminal Prostate cancer. Now I get depressed and can't tell myself things will be better if I can just get through the current crisis. SO I think anyone should have the option to end their life for any reason, but Mine is a situation that simply can't be "recovered" from with medication and/or therapy. I did all the things I should have, got Chemo, took all the drugs they wanted to pump into me and felt better for a while but knowing that ultimately I was going to die relatively soon. I now am starting to feel the pain and inconveniences that I knew were coming.
So I have decided to CTB in the most peaceful way I could find and could actually accomplish(Nitrogen) So having said all this, here are my thoughts in no specific order.
1. Religion is nonsense, praying won't save me. If God wanted me to be cured I would not have gotten cancer in the first place.
2. Suicide is no more selfish than others expecting you to live in agony. So don't be worried or ashamed of the decision if you choose it.
3. Most people don't REALLY think you will do it. They will be sad and say they wish they had known and would have done more. I have made it very clear that there is nothing that could have been done to stop me so don't beat yourself up. That is specific to my situation, but I know many people that simply being treated nicely or helped financially would have changed their lives for the better(Especially when their "Loved Ones" are very capable of helping and will say things like "I would have given him/her all my money if I could only have them back" So if you do have needs that can help you get past your depression let people know "This is the time, if you want to help do it now or forever hold your piece"
4. Life is not inherently GOOD and death "BAD" that is just the way we have been conditioned.
5. I have always thought life was just an inconvenience that I did not ask for. I did very well in school, I just didn't want to have to go. I had a very successful career but just didn't want the hassle of earning a living. I was not expecting luxury with no effort, I was just looking to be left alone basically. When you think about it, you only have a few years to be a kid(less for kids these days) before you are expected to be somewhere at a certain time, learn whether you want to or not, Earn a living just to exist in reasonable comfort. then if you are lucky you will get maybe 10 good years at the end to enjoy your life's work(I won't even get that)
6, If Jesus ever actually showed up again and asked all these organized religions for the money they have been collecting in his name so he could help those in need, They would crucify him again. Hey Pope, how about allowing some homeless people into one of your Mansions or give them some of the literally BILLIONS of dollars that have been donated to your false bullshit religion!!!
7. People should have to be able to guarantee that their kids will be sufficiently taken care of financially before they conceive them. Having kids and then just telling them you are on your own now is bullshit, they didn't ask to be born.
8. If you want to keep someone from CTB don't just tell them things will get better, MAKE THEM BETTER OR SHUT THE FUCK UP.
9. The desire to die does not in and of itself mean someone is insane or irrational and must be stopped. No one has the right to force anyone else to exist if they don't want to.
10. People should have the option of a peaceful death at any time and for any reason if they decide living just isn't for them.
Thoughts anyone?
I have had clinical depression for over 30 years, sometimes bearable but many times I just wanted it to end the mental suffering. I always managed to get through it with support from my family(it seems to be genetic as a few of my siblings suffer with it as well do differing degrees) and medication. I do recommend getting anti depressants if you are suffering with depression.
I was always able to understand that my suffering would end and my life really was exceptional, my problems were strictly due to chemical imbalances and caused me to have a distorted perspective on my life.
My experience with therapy has been terrible though. All the ones I found seemed to do nothing more than keep an eye on you for a few days so you didn't CTB but not really helpful long term. The thing was every place that supposedly was for mental health really ended up being for drug and alcohol abuse, which was not my problem. I wish there were subjective therapists that were not completely against CTB from the start and actually tried to understand why I(WE) feel this way, but I'll address that after I explain why I can't recover this time.
So after suffering with depression for years I was hit with a diagnosis of terminal Prostate cancer. Now I get depressed and can't tell myself things will be better if I can just get through the current crisis. SO I think anyone should have the option to end their life for any reason, but Mine is a situation that simply can't be "recovered" from with medication and/or therapy. I did all the things I should have, got Chemo, took all the drugs they wanted to pump into me and felt better for a while but knowing that ultimately I was going to die relatively soon. I now am starting to feel the pain and inconveniences that I knew were coming.
So I have decided to CTB in the most peaceful way I could find and could actually accomplish(Nitrogen) So having said all this, here are my thoughts in no specific order.
1. Religion is nonsense, praying won't save me. If God wanted me to be cured I would not have gotten cancer in the first place.
2. Suicide is no more selfish than others expecting you to live in agony. So don't be worried or ashamed of the decision if you choose it.
3. Most people don't REALLY think you will do it. They will be sad and say they wish they had known and would have done more. I have made it very clear that there is nothing that could have been done to stop me so don't beat yourself up. That is specific to my situation, but I know many people that simply being treated nicely or helped financially would have changed their lives for the better(Especially when their "Loved Ones" are very capable of helping and will say things like "I would have given him/her all my money if I could only have them back" So if you do have needs that can help you get past your depression let people know "This is the time, if you want to help do it now or forever hold your piece"
4. Life is not inherently GOOD and death "BAD" that is just the way we have been conditioned.
5. I have always thought life was just an inconvenience that I did not ask for. I did very well in school, I just didn't want to have to go. I had a very successful career but just didn't want the hassle of earning a living. I was not expecting luxury with no effort, I was just looking to be left alone basically. When you think about it, you only have a few years to be a kid(less for kids these days) before you are expected to be somewhere at a certain time, learn whether you want to or not, Earn a living just to exist in reasonable comfort. then if you are lucky you will get maybe 10 good years at the end to enjoy your life's work(I won't even get that)
6, If Jesus ever actually showed up again and asked all these organized religions for the money they have been collecting in his name so he could help those in need, They would crucify him again. Hey Pope, how about allowing some homeless people into one of your Mansions or give them some of the literally BILLIONS of dollars that have been donated to your false bullshit religion!!!
7. People should have to be able to guarantee that their kids will be sufficiently taken care of financially before they conceive them. Having kids and then just telling them you are on your own now is bullshit, they didn't ask to be born.
8. If you want to keep someone from CTB don't just tell them things will get better, MAKE THEM BETTER OR SHUT THE FUCK UP.
9. The desire to die does not in and of itself mean someone is insane or irrational and must be stopped. No one has the right to force anyone else to exist if they don't want to.
10. People should have the option of a peaceful death at any time and for any reason if they decide living just isn't for them.
Thoughts anyone?
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