dddaaangxl
cracked under the pressure
- Feb 9, 2025
- 9
i don't get why it's fair to try to force someone to live when you aren't going to help out their situation at all, but the mental hospital is a whole other level of unfair. i don't have a job and i'm stressing out because my bill from the mental hospital is a few hundred dollars- i didn't even want to be there and ironically i feel like i have to ctb now because i don't know how i'll be able to pay this without asking my parents for help which is just burdening them
im partly angered by my parents but also don't want to make their lives worse. im upset with them because they chose to have me but think the lifelong commitment of supporting your child (emotionally/financially/etc) is "too much". i dont want to make their lives worse though because i don't want my impact on the world to be so negative and i don't think i've done any actual good in my life
i don't fully blame my parents though since it's just the general state of the world and the system i live in that makes me want to ctb the most- and theres not anything they can do about it. i wish they hadn't conceived me but i don't think theres any good dwelling on the past
i don't even know what method to ctb with because i'm broke and fsh is kind of my only choice but fsh scares me because of my past experiences with it
(edit: more ranting)
i wish i could make a living writing and making games like i want but i don't think i can but i'm not passionate in anything else and with the way the system is i don't think i can have both a career that actually pays well and gives me a good enough work life balance to pursue my passion. i wish my parents would let me live with them, have my part time job, and work on my game but they don't seem to want me around unless i go to college like they want- and maybe i'd want to go if creative writing and game design were actual viable degrees to get but they aren't so i don't want to waste my resources
im partly angered by my parents but also don't want to make their lives worse. im upset with them because they chose to have me but think the lifelong commitment of supporting your child (emotionally/financially/etc) is "too much". i dont want to make their lives worse though because i don't want my impact on the world to be so negative and i don't think i've done any actual good in my life
i don't fully blame my parents though since it's just the general state of the world and the system i live in that makes me want to ctb the most- and theres not anything they can do about it. i wish they hadn't conceived me but i don't think theres any good dwelling on the past
i don't even know what method to ctb with because i'm broke and fsh is kind of my only choice but fsh scares me because of my past experiences with it
(edit: more ranting)
i wish i could make a living writing and making games like i want but i don't think i can but i'm not passionate in anything else and with the way the system is i don't think i can have both a career that actually pays well and gives me a good enough work life balance to pursue my passion. i wish my parents would let me live with them, have my part time job, and work on my game but they don't seem to want me around unless i go to college like they want- and maybe i'd want to go if creative writing and game design were actual viable degrees to get but they aren't so i don't want to waste my resources
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