hooman57
New Member
- Aug 13, 2026
- 2
helllooo everybuddy
i dont mean for this to be an edgelord post, but i wanted to share my story a bit and how thinfs are going for me
im a diagnosed autistic with adhd, some sociopathic tendancies, anxiety and depressive disorders and traumas and such and such
life has never really beenn good to me, my upper body is covered in scars from neck to chest to arms to hands, some of my earliest memories involve perverse sexual experiences, which i can never feel too bad about since i deliberately allowed them and initiated them, ever since middle school ive wanted to commit suicide and since then my desire to end my life has only become more drastic and branched out.
ive been beaten, abused, mentally abused, i have my anxiety disorder because of childhood trauma and i still live in the same house
im mentally disconnected from everybody around me, my friends my family i feel nothing from, my environment is sickening and im nowhere near where my soul is supposed to be, im a starving stray dog trapped in a tarpit, i want nothing else than to have a life that isnt tjis one but that fact brings me some guilt because its objectively a good life, i just have a weird fascination with NOT wanting the good life, im a bit of a mental and physical masochist, i never mind being mentally strained and possibly developing worse symptoms, varying of course.
the only person in life i want to be around is going througj even worse than me and always has so im out of options, theyre in no shape to be a comforting figure to me at the moment, although i would sacrifice everything for them, because i dont want what i have, and a life involving them is much more suited for me
i tried to severally harm myself the other day using psychedelics and other drugs but instead i just had a good trip because im already too mentally far gone to trip out on drugs.
my life is not where im supposed to be, something awful happened not long ago and ive switched tracks down a path i feel horrible in, i pray everyday for a better tomorrow but sometimes i find myself tellimg God ill be seeing him soon, the idea of suicide is only comforting to me and the way things are now, i see no other place to go but up.
i have nothing, i feel nothing but anxiety heartbreak disappointment and misery, i have nobody, i try and try so often for something but every chance is rejected, ive done horrible things in life and am repaying my karma
so many people have abandoned me in life, ive been mentally and psychologically ruined, ive been shredded apart, everyday i feel existential agony due to how horrible my lifes become and how unreal it feels, im too overly conscious so by default that stresses me out more. ive only recently in life learned social skills and still i am awful at communicating properly, i twitch i fidget i make weird animalistic movements and noises, i see beauty only in things that are uglyier and darker.
i have many horrible and disturbing urges in my head but thankfully im strong willed enough to never ever act on them (dont worry nothing predatory), though fantasy isnt off the table
when i say id do anything for the life i desire i lean anything
this is all i can really think of for now, things are awful for me and ive never wanted suicide more, im glad i got to be able to spill all this somewhere and i hope i can bust out of this loop soon, regardless ill escape it somehow
thanks for reading buddys kekekekke
i dont mean for this to be an edgelord post, but i wanted to share my story a bit and how thinfs are going for me
im a diagnosed autistic with adhd, some sociopathic tendancies, anxiety and depressive disorders and traumas and such and such
life has never really beenn good to me, my upper body is covered in scars from neck to chest to arms to hands, some of my earliest memories involve perverse sexual experiences, which i can never feel too bad about since i deliberately allowed them and initiated them, ever since middle school ive wanted to commit suicide and since then my desire to end my life has only become more drastic and branched out.
ive been beaten, abused, mentally abused, i have my anxiety disorder because of childhood trauma and i still live in the same house
im mentally disconnected from everybody around me, my friends my family i feel nothing from, my environment is sickening and im nowhere near where my soul is supposed to be, im a starving stray dog trapped in a tarpit, i want nothing else than to have a life that isnt tjis one but that fact brings me some guilt because its objectively a good life, i just have a weird fascination with NOT wanting the good life, im a bit of a mental and physical masochist, i never mind being mentally strained and possibly developing worse symptoms, varying of course.
the only person in life i want to be around is going througj even worse than me and always has so im out of options, theyre in no shape to be a comforting figure to me at the moment, although i would sacrifice everything for them, because i dont want what i have, and a life involving them is much more suited for me
i tried to severally harm myself the other day using psychedelics and other drugs but instead i just had a good trip because im already too mentally far gone to trip out on drugs.
my life is not where im supposed to be, something awful happened not long ago and ive switched tracks down a path i feel horrible in, i pray everyday for a better tomorrow but sometimes i find myself tellimg God ill be seeing him soon, the idea of suicide is only comforting to me and the way things are now, i see no other place to go but up.
i have nothing, i feel nothing but anxiety heartbreak disappointment and misery, i have nobody, i try and try so often for something but every chance is rejected, ive done horrible things in life and am repaying my karma
so many people have abandoned me in life, ive been mentally and psychologically ruined, ive been shredded apart, everyday i feel existential agony due to how horrible my lifes become and how unreal it feels, im too overly conscious so by default that stresses me out more. ive only recently in life learned social skills and still i am awful at communicating properly, i twitch i fidget i make weird animalistic movements and noises, i see beauty only in things that are uglyier and darker.
i have many horrible and disturbing urges in my head but thankfully im strong willed enough to never ever act on them (dont worry nothing predatory), though fantasy isnt off the table
when i say id do anything for the life i desire i lean anything
this is all i can really think of for now, things are awful for me and ive never wanted suicide more, im glad i got to be able to spill all this somewhere and i hope i can bust out of this loop soon, regardless ill escape it somehow
thanks for reading buddys kekekekke
