I'm not that thing that people wish I was. I don't care anymore about being a good whatever for people. Every time I try to fulfill that people, they sense it's artificial and ridicule me for it. But if I don't try, they talk down to me and act like they're going to teach me something. They have nothing to show me except what I've already seen. I'm sick from these people I'm supposed to love. I'm afraid to show my rage. I will have to turn it inward again. Lately I am only more convinced that I could successfully end myself if only I used the chaos I feel when I'm around these emotional lunatics.
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