The Eeyorish One
Member
- Oct 9, 2022
- 97
So I abbreviated the subreddit's name for the same reason we say ctb, but most of y'all probably know which one I'm talking about given it's popularity and pro-life stance.
Basically, I decided to kinda pour my guts out for the first time anywhere and just write it all down. (I've mentioned bits and pieces here though). I went to that sub because, frankly I will probably never be able to overcome my SI and other obstacles to ctb (which I mentioned there). So I was specifically asking for something, anything that could fix me that I haven't already tried since I figured my best shot at an answer would be a large pro-life community.
And all I got was crickets lol. The damn pro-lifers were stumped and just went back to responding to the posts of people that could actually be helped. I was embarrassed and eventually deleted it but now I realize what it actually meant was when you've been wanting to ctb since early childhood and have already tried all the meds, therapy, meditation, exercise, hobbies, etc then you're actually "valid" to them lol.
So yeah… in a weird way I feel better, knowing that even the pro-lifers have nothing for me. I've struggled feeling "valid" for wanting to ctb since I've never had a big specific reason like extensive trauma or abuse. But now I know. Unfortunately though… I still have no solution. I still don't think I can ctb, and I still can't find anything to fix me lol. I guess I'm stuck till the pain of living finally pushes me past those barriers in desperation
.
Anyways I just thought I'd share. Maybe it'll help someone else feel "valid" or something. Or not, who knows lol.
Basically, I decided to kinda pour my guts out for the first time anywhere and just write it all down. (I've mentioned bits and pieces here though). I went to that sub because, frankly I will probably never be able to overcome my SI and other obstacles to ctb (which I mentioned there). So I was specifically asking for something, anything that could fix me that I haven't already tried since I figured my best shot at an answer would be a large pro-life community.
And all I got was crickets lol. The damn pro-lifers were stumped and just went back to responding to the posts of people that could actually be helped. I was embarrassed and eventually deleted it but now I realize what it actually meant was when you've been wanting to ctb since early childhood and have already tried all the meds, therapy, meditation, exercise, hobbies, etc then you're actually "valid" to them lol.
So yeah… in a weird way I feel better, knowing that even the pro-lifers have nothing for me. I've struggled feeling "valid" for wanting to ctb since I've never had a big specific reason like extensive trauma or abuse. But now I know. Unfortunately though… I still have no solution. I still don't think I can ctb, and I still can't find anything to fix me lol. I guess I'm stuck till the pain of living finally pushes me past those barriers in desperation
. Anyways I just thought I'd share. Maybe it'll help someone else feel "valid" or something. Or not, who knows lol.
