Venting quick vent — jealousy

[anonymouswebuser]

i think if i could possibly stop intentionally searching for what others have that i don't (it could be something as simple as a good friend, having fun in a vc, a classmate with constant higher grades) i'd be just a little bit less miserable
i can't even find a split second to stop myself, the moment i see them active on call while i'm staring at the screen blankly i start feeling my face heat up and an aching warmth spread in my chest
even today, such a stupid and silly ass situation
i was walking with my classmates because i had to get some things done with them
one of them had a sudden side ache and couldn't walk at a normal pace
all of them rush to her immediately, insisting they should walk her home and they'll get it done for her
asking her if she needs help
but when i was in worse circumstances, could you guess if they even acknowledged it? no! :D
i'm constantly like a boiling kettle, finding every flaw in my life and every sweet little blessing in others' life
i wish it was the opposite, i still feel like a child whenever jealousy gets to me. i'm supposed to be a mature grown up that shouldn't be so easily influenced like this.
it keeps getting worse to the point it is one of the reasons as to why i wish i was never disturbed when i was peacefully sleeping in the slumber of nothingness when i still didn't exist
emotions are weird.

 

[Haematemesis]

i totally understand your situation and let me add my own experience

whenever i see someone who has a single trait better than me i stop and start to think about it. it's not an automatic reaction i fear, instead i do it intentionally. just to torture myself

it's super irrational and i don't know why i do this

it sometimes gets super awkward like "this person did a bad thing and got away with it and i did a good thing ten years ago and not everybody praised me"

it's genuinely unhealthy and if i were to look at my thoughts from an outsider's perspective i would laught at myself and think that im insane

it kills every bit of joy i get from life. i don't have the worst life but i cant enjoy it if anyone has it better

 

[anonymouswebuser]

i totally understand your situation and let me add my own experience

whenever i see someone who has a single trait better than me i stop and start to think about it. it's not an automatic reaction i fear, instead i do it intentionally. just to torture myself

it's super irrational and i don't know why i do this

it sometimes gets super awkward like "this person did a bad thing and got away with it and i did a good thing ten years ago and not everybody praised me"

it's genuinely unhealthy and if i were to look at my thoughts from an outsider's perspective i would laught at myself and think that im insane

it kills every bit of joy i get from life. i don't have the worst life but i cant enjoy it if anyone has it better

actually it usually gets as worse as you're describing precisely
it hurts a lot, i'm so sorry for you

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

i don't have the worst life but i cant enjoy it if anyone has it better

My condolences, truly, but I cannot stop laughing at this.
It has the same vibe as: