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Do you interact with people, you disagree with idiologically, differently on the forum?

  • I ignore them completely.

  • I try to avoid them and am less inclined to hear them out.

  • I tend to be more unfriendly towards them (or worse).

  • No, it doesnt matter to me.


Results are only viewable after voting.
VisionsOfHell

VisionsOfHell

Experienced
Oct 31, 2020
259
I made the poll anonymous so please be honest.
The question is only in regards to interactions on this forum, since it's out of the question that people build echo chambers around themselves in other social media, but here we are all kind of in the same boat (wanting to die) so maybe it's a bit different.


Thank you.
 
GarageKarate07

GarageKarate07

Wizard
Aug 18, 2020
665
I made the poll anonymous so please be honest.
The question is only in regards to interactions on this forum, since it's out of the question that people build echo chambers around themselves in other social media, but here we are all kind of in the same boat (wanting to die) so maybe it's a bit different.


Thank you.
having a different opinion is good. I try not to say something negative so I don't upset sombody. But if I do say something I try really hard to be as nice as possible. It doesn't always work. Sharing information in a conversation is very very important and can end in resolution on a positive side. Don't push people away for having different views all we have is each other and then CTB.
 
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
I made the poll anonymous so please be honest.
The question is only in regards to interactions on this forum, since it's out of the question that people build echo chambers around themselves in other social media, but here we are all kind of in the same boat (wanting to die) so maybe it's a bit different.


Thank you.
I am finding it difficult to feel sympathy for them, especially if they express hostility towards my views.
 
Apathy79

Apathy79

Specialist
Oct 13, 2019
367
Just about everyone I know and love has different ideologies to me in some respect. Life would be boring as all heck if they didn't.

It's nothing if both people have half decent character. If it descends into personal bs, then they're a person to avoid, but that's because of who they are, not their ideology. I'd avoid people with similar ideologies to me who treated people who thought differently like that too.
 
Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

Unlovable
May 8, 2020
1,865
Can't decide how to vote. I'm a little bit of everything, except the unfriendly part, although I'm sure I've been guilty of that, too.
I've got one jackass on ignore, there's one or two I avoid, but for the most part I try to be friendly and respectful to everyone. But I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor, so I'm sure I come across as a jerk sometimes when I don't intend to.
 
Sprite_Geist

Sprite_Geist

NULL
May 27, 2020
1,510
There is nothing wrong with expressing a different viewpoint, because that is how conversations are started, and it is good because it can allow you or those on the other side to understand the oppositions perspective which in turn leads to empathy.

The problem is not always what we say, but how we say it. Some individuals do not know or are just unwilling to argue politely; this leads to the discussion turning very heated, insults are thrown and then everybody involved leaves feeling resentful toward whoever they were disagreeing with. This prevents anyone from seeing the other persons perspective which defeats the point of having a (constructive) argument in the first place. It is okay to disagree, inform, suggest and criticise one another, but you should try to be as diplomatic about it as possible. Some people will use the phrase: "I am just being honest. I am speaking my mind", but it is possible to be honest about how you think or feel without being overly mean-spirited about it.

On another note which ties in with this thread:

I have noticed two types of extreme behaviour; both on social media in general but also to an extent in this community: On one end there are those who do not know how to convey their opinion to others constructively, but on the other end there are those who do not know how to respond to other peoples opinions constructively either - overly offensive or overly defensive. It seems similar to an idea called the Horseshoe theory in politics. It states that the further you travel down either end of the political spectrum the more extreme the attitudes and beliefs become, so much that they are indistinguishable from the radial beliefs on the opposite end.

Everybody is wary of trolls and bullies in this community and they are right to be cautious, but a few have started to let their reasonable caution develop into paranoia. Newer members or those that are less known are eyed with suspicion, and certain newcomers might feel as if they are/have been talked down to, and have been meat with hostility - at least it feels like that anyway. We must be careful not take on the traits of unkindness that the bullies have. Otherwise we, the so-called "anti-bullies", will become bullies ourselves.

I apologize if the last piece of this post goes off on a tangent, but I thought that it might be appropriate to this topic.
 
stygal

stygal

low-wage worker
Oct 29, 2020
1,732
I have some principles I live by and want others to follow as well which are:
I don't judge people by their heritage/looks/preferences (that don't hurt others) in any way
I keep it friendly in discussions
I try to show empathy for others
I try to keep my criticism constructive
If someone counter-argues with an argument that has some form of reason or validation then I think about it and might adapt my point of view accordingly instead of blindly dismissing it
If anyone I come across here adheres to those ground rules I definitely am willing to talk to them even if our ideologies don't align.
 
GarageKarate07

GarageKarate07

Wizard
Aug 18, 2020
665
I have some principles I live by and want others to follow as well which are:
I don't judge people by their heritage/looks/preferences (that don't hurt others) in any way
I keep it friendly in discussions
I try to show empathy for others
I try to keep my criticism constructive
If someone counter-argues with an argument that has some form of reason or validation then I think about it and might adapt my point of view accordingly instead of blindly dismissing it
If anyone I come across here adheres to those ground rules I definitely am willing to talk to them even if our ideologies don't align.
Its hard to gauge because we dont always know at what level of upset they might be on a site Like this. We can't stop backing each other up though. This is a hard subject. ❤
 
stygal

stygal

low-wage worker
Oct 29, 2020
1,732
Its hard to gauge because we dont always know at what level of upset they might be on a site Like this. We can't stop backing each other up though. This is a hard subject. ❤
Nobody is perfect and not every discussion will always lead to a desired outcome for both parties.

Especially on the internet people are more then often pretty much rude and so caught up in their own point of view. Doesn't hurt to try imo.

Here on ss the best thing one can do is show empathy for those "lost souls" that found their way to this forum.
 
NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
I'm all for personal expressions, I just prefer it done respectfully. There are ways of saying things that don't involve insulting other people.

What I openly don't like, is when people on goodbye threads (for example) talk to the OP as if their decision is wrong. Considering this is a pro-choice forum, that irks me.
 
GrumpyFrog

GrumpyFrog

Exhausted
Aug 23, 2020
1,913
Not sure which option to pick. Most likely, I wouldn't even remember if you disagreed with me ideologically in a thread 1 once I move on to thread 2. For me discussion is about the discussion, not the participants.
Within one thread, I used to interact with people who disagreed, ask them questions and exchange opinions, but after some incidents that happened to me personally, and multiple small thermonuclear wars I watched from the sidelines, I concluded it is very likely to lead to conflict and to make me the bad guy for "initiating" it and now I don't engage with people with different opinions at all.
 
D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,921
I'm quite happy to listen to people with other points of view, I enjoy it, even if I disagree.
However, if they expect me to listen to them then I also expect them to have enough respect to listen to mine.
Argument is fine as long as it's done respectfully. However, if it fails to be respectful or shows hypocrisy or not listening, then I just leave well alone. I don't have the energy to enter into tit for tat flame wars. That shit just bores me.
If people can't be civil or keep an open mind then I've no inclination to talk to them at all.
So I pick and choose who I respond to depending on what I recall of their previous interactions.
 
VisionsOfHell

VisionsOfHell

Experienced
Oct 31, 2020
259
For me it is not about whether people are polite, it is about whether their goals show respect for fundamental human rights, that shapes how much I think we can talk in good faith...
But that alone leaves so much room for intetpretation, doesnt it? In my opinion, if someone's end goal is to decrease human suffering I'm willing to debate them (although these days I'd rather watch than participate).

Of course there are always people who just want to debate you over made up issues like racism which I'm not gonna waste my time on. But I wont treat them worse or avoid them if we are talking about something else.
 
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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,728
*Drags over the GPE soapbox* (It's only an inch off the ground, really it's more like an exercise mat, so yeah, *drags over the GPE exercise mat*)

In my opinion at the moment, in response to the OP along with much reflection, ideologies are like an opiate. If someone's interactions are such that they seem to me to be under the influence of a strong ideology no matter the discussion, then because I feel like I'm communicating with the ideology and not the person, I tend to avoid communicating with them.

I remember reading anecdotal accounts about how after Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Fox News became influential, some people's personalities totally changed, such as a formerly mild-mannered person becoming combative with everyone, even their own family members. A cult ideology like Hare Krishna, or the peace and free love hippie movement, may make one want to embrace everyone, and thought stopping is employed if one considers a different perspective, that not everyone is huggable and not everyone can or will want to become so. Both extremes feel empowering and good/"good."

Ideologies dictate who is an enemy and worthy of not only condemnation but damnation, who is a friend and worthy of shared space on an elevated platform above all others (why I just renounced my decades-old soapbox for a mental exercise mat), and a sharply defined and restricting view of how the world "should" be. There isn't room for nuance or for indecision. One is either worthy of inclusion or exclusion, heaven or hell.

Ideologies can take over a person like the zombie ant parasite, and the person becomes a ventriloquist dummy. I used to be a ventriloquist dummy when I was Christian, especially when I was Southern Baptist, and when I was pro-life, and it felt good to be so right; I had opiates. It has not felt good to realize there is no loving God who has my back, nor that the person I loved who committed suicide was not selfish or inept or irrational, but in pain, and there was nothing I could have done to stop him or improve his situation -- in other words, I'm a lot more powerless than feels at all comfortable. In reflection, there's even some suicide ideology on the forum that's in direct opposition to pro-life ideology, such as "What makes us so different from/better than everyone else/normies," and I tend to avoid that, too.

Thanks, OP, for the opportunity to think.

*rolls up exercise mat*
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,921
Observation: there is also positive bias, those who see what they want to see due to their interpretation of life based on their experience. Confirmation bias is the hardest thing to see in one's self, precisely because one is attuned to seeing a specific thing to the exclusion of all else.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,423
My parents argued practically nonstop for the 11 years they were together. It's given me a tendency to not want to butt in when I see two people arguing even when I agree with one side way more than the other. I try not to engage except when I've been engaged upon first though I don't stick to this like it's some sort of code or anything.

I will admit I've avoided some threads these past few months from multiple users because if I gave my take they probably won't like me anymore and as much as I like to beat myself up for being evil I also have a strange need to be liked by everybody so I'm always paralyzed when people I don't hate or were nice to me end up hating each other. I have a tendency to not wish to speak ill of anyone who's even been remotely kind to me and it does hurt me a little when two or more such individuals clash over some issue or rude slight or whatever.

My guess is part of the hostility lately is tied to the election dominating the news these past few months and forcing everyone to pick a side (or firmly announce their lack of a side). The Repairthe13times2 site's efforts probably didn't help either and accomplished at least some of the infighting they probably craved. I don't know for sure though.

I just wish it could stop but I'm not gonna pretend people from all sides of whatever random thing is upsetting everyone today are gonna change their minds and shake hands and take back the things they said to other users just because I want them to. I don't mean to call out anyone specific either since there's tons of examples of stuff going on that I saw and probably even more that happens whenever I'm taking a break from the site to do school and work stuff.
 
Donk

Donk

Useless since day 1
Jan 3, 2020
1,131
Of course there are always people who just want to debate you over made up issues like racism which I'm not gonna waste my time on. But I wont treat them worse or avoid them if we are talking about something else.

Okay I'll bite....you just made Racism an issue by saying it doesn't exist. It might not "exist" where you are from but I can assure you it's real to many minorities. I'm not arguing whether racism is right or wrong because in some capacity everyone is a racist But to say it doesn't exist is quite ignorant.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,728
Okay I'll bite....you just made Racism an issue by saying it doesn't exist. It might not "exist" where you are from but I can assure you it's real to many minorities. I'm not arguing whether racism is right or wrong because in some capacity everyone is a racist But to say it doesn't exist is quite ignorant.

Yeah, I'll bite, too, since OP is setting up their own thread for a lock.

Nom nom nom.

Racial gaslighting sounds like
 
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feast or famine

feast or famine

Tell Patient Zero he can have his rib back.
Jun 15, 2020
313
I don't mind if someone has different belief systems than me in every regard. I find it interesting in a sense. I enjoy hearing other people's views. But what I've noticed on these forums is that people can't seem to engage in debate without low blowing and making shit personal. That's not for me. No one is better or worse than someone else for their views. I wish more people understood that.
 
VisionsOfHell

VisionsOfHell

Experienced
Oct 31, 2020
259
Doesn't matter too much to me.

I try not to get wrapped up in ideology or politics too much on here since those things tend to be divisive.
Yeah maybe I shouldve just stayed out of it too. Didnt expect people to have so much disdain for others with a different worldview even if they are always kind. The only people I avoid are ones that are toxic but other than that it doesnt matter much to me aswell.

In regards to the racism thing: 163737
Anyways, believe it or not I didnt want to start a debate so I wont respond to this any further.
 
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Weary Soul

Weary Soul

Soon I will be free
Nov 13, 2019
1,158

"Do you interact with people, you disagree with idiologically, differently on the forum?"​

I will interact with anyone on the forum whether they agree with me or not or I agree with them or not.

I can learn so much from people and different perspectives.

I did not see a category that captures this so I did not vote (unless I missed it).

That being said, while I understand that many come from different places of pain and I tend to give people chances, I will not interact with anyone who undermines me here by calling me names.

Peace to all.

<3
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,728
Yeah maybe I shouldve just stayed out of it too. Didnt expect people to have so much disdain for others with a different worldview even if they are always kind. The only people I avoid are ones that are toxic but other than that it doesnt matter much to me aswell.

In regards to the racism thing:View attachment 54358
Anyways, believe it or not I didnt want to start a debate so I wont respond to this any further.

According to The Atlantic: When racist became common parlance, rapidly replacing prejudiced starting around 1970, it was understood mainly in its dictionary-style definition: "Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior." What sat in the memory is "It's wrong to think people are inferior because of something like their skin color, or to be mean to them because of that."

If one has not lived in the Southern US, it may be easy to say racism doesn't exist or that the word is just a political tool. I moved to the Deep South at the age of eighteen and lived there for seventeen years. The racial hatred and sense of color-based inferiority was rampant on both sides of the fence. Holy crap, the toxicity was an ever-present undercurrent and general overtone, and I will tell stories if anyone wants to hear them, but only if they're asking in good faith and not to bait me. Growing up in Arizona, my dad was a cop, and in general a good guy, very caring about his community, but the bad guys were Black and Mexican, and the jokes, demonization and disdain for cultures related to those races was also an ever-present undercurrent in my home that bred for me feelings of superiority, disdain, dismissal, and fear that I had to do work to understand and remove from my way of thinking, like having worn glasses that warped my perception. After moving to the South, my mother became a more overt racist because the environment supported it and encouraged it to flourish.

Though it's making the rounds on the Internet, it is not accurate that Trotsky invented the word racism. It was first used in the US with regard to Native Americans in 1902. Trotsky didn't use it until 1930. If he used it as a weapon to cause confusion, well, that's what a good manipulator, disinformationalist, propagandist, and/or psyops operative does.



Finally, I detected some subtle shaming in the thread title, and the poll, but I first commented from a stance that it was presented in good faith. However this comment just doubles down on the shaming and taking on the role of victim: "Didnt expect people to have so much disdain for others with a different worldview even if they are always kind." Maybe you have experienced this and I have not been aware of it, so I don't want to negate your experience, but likewise I don't want to be blanketed with an attitude I don't have.

There are people on the forum whose ideologies I disagree with, but when it comes to non-ideological interactions, they are compassionate and participate in mutual support and reciprocity, or, if you prefer, they act "kind." There are others whose ways of interacting I disagree with as much as their ideologies, and that is why I either ignore them or am "unfriendly" toward them, however I always make a point irl as well as on the forum to never "low blow" or "make shit personal," as @feast or famine said, though it often gets spun that that's what I'm doing, or that I am narcissistic, or just want a following, or enjoy confrontation and am aggressive, or virtue signal, or morally grandstand, or am in some other way acting in bad faith rather than integrity -- that I am dirty. If I act in good faith when I see something in bad faith toward others or myself, I am painted with the stain of "unkind."

Yeah, no.

I feel like the premise of this thread is the same kind of spin, to make others appear toxic who are not, and to be gaslighted into questioning their motivations and beliefs in order to erode their self-confidence and to doubt their sense of integrity and moral worth, because their stance is not "kind," shame-shame. Kind of like someone tells a little girl who stands up for herself to be quiet and go sit in the corner until she can be nice. To me, this thread and the comment I quoted are an effort to bait and drag someone down into the ditch and not only get them muddy, but convince them that they're nothing more than mudslingers themselves. No thanks.

Sincerely,

Good"Unkind/Toxic"PersonEffed
 
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Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

Unlovable
May 8, 2020
1,865
According to The Atlantic: When racist became common parlance, rapidly replacing prejudiced starting around 1970, it was understood mainly in its dictionary-style definition: "Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior." What sat in the memory is "It's wrong to think people are inferior because of something like their skin color, or to be mean to them because of that."

If one has not lived in the Southern US, it may be easy to say racism doesn't exist or that the word is just a political tool. I moved to the Deep South at the age of eighteen and lived there for seventeen years. The racial hatred and sense of color-based inferiority was rampant on both sides of the fence. Holy crap, the toxicity was an ever-present undercurrent and general overtone, and I will tell stories if anyone wants to hear them, but only if they're asking in good faith and not to bait me. Growing up in Arizona, my dad was a cop, and in general a good guy, very caring about his community, but the bad guys were Black and Mexican, and the jokes, demonization and disdain for cultures related to those races was also an ever-present undercurrent in my home that bred for me feelings of superiority, disdain, dismissal, and fear that I had to do work to understand and remove from my way of thinking, like having worn glasses that warped my perception. After moving to the South, my mother became a more overt racist because the environment supported it and encouraged it to flourish.

Though it's making the rounds on the Internet, it is not accurate that Trotsky invented the word racism. It was first used in the US with regard to Native Americans in 1902. Trotsky didn't use it until 1930. If he used it as a weapon to cause confusion, well, that's what a good manipulator, disinformationalist, propagandist, and/or psyops operative does.



Finally, I detected some subtle shaming in the thread title, and the poll, but I first commented from a stance that it was presented in good faith. However this comment just doubles down on the shaming and taking on the role of victim: "Didnt expect people to have so much disdain for others with a different worldview even if they are always kind." Maybe you have experienced this and I have not been aware of it, so I don't want to negate your experience, but likewise I don't want to be blanketed with an attitude I don't have.

There are people on the forum whose ideologies I disagree with, but when it comes to non-ideological interactions, they are compassionate and participate in mutual support and reciprocity, or, if you prefer, they act "kind." There are others whose ways of interacting I disagree with as much as their ideologies, and that is why I either ignore them or am "unfriendly" toward them, however I always make a point irl as well as on the forum to never "low blow" or "make shit personal," as @feast or famine said, though it often gets spun that that's what I'm doing, or that I am narcissistic, or just want a following, or enjoy confrontation and am aggressive, or virtue signal, or morally grandstand, or am in some other way acting in bad faith rather than integrity -- that I am dirty. If I act in good faith when I see something in bad faith toward others or myself, I am painted with the stain of "unkind."

Yeah, no.

I feel like the premise of this thread is the same kind of spin, to make others appear toxic who are not, and to be gaslighted into questioning their motivations and beliefs in order to erode their self-confidence and to doubt their sense of integrity and moral worth, because their stance is not "kind," shame-shame. Kind of like someone tells a little girl who stands up for herself to be quiet and go sit in the corner until she can be nice. To me, this thread and the comment I quoted are an effort to bait and drag someone down into the ditch and not only get them muddy, but convince them that they're nothing more than mudslingers themselves. No thanks.

Sincerely,

Good"Unkind/Toxic"PersonEffed
Please see the thread "Hunter Biden crack smoking footjob".