Her strategy is to portray me as psychosis patient who cannot be trusted. My reply was: I document every single session in detail. I write long posts about it on the internet without mentioning her name. I talked about her unprofessional work to my friends, family, random people on the internet, even with my psychiatrist. My point is: she cannot smear as paranoid insane person. I document everything we said on detail throughout the whole therapy. I might have to use online forum posts in order to defend me in court . Lol.
I am not sure where to start. I will write it down in my native language later today, with clear names and stuff like that. It shows my real assets. My friends and the community on here where I documented everything she said or done to me.
I already mentioned it in this forum a couple of times. My friends considered my therapist a red flag. I showed them mails that were so poorly writen. I thought maybe I should trust in therapists. Smart people told me that. This was a car crash.
3,5 months ago me and my therapist had an argument. I wanted to continue therapy in 1 to 1 therapy sessions. She only offered switching between single/and group sessions. I asked her whether she can extent the therapy sessions with this application to my health insurace. Her answer was I am not enough altruistic for that. An argument started I told her it would help so much if she did that. She insinuated therapy is pointless in my case anyway. She discouraged me from continuing therapy. She blamed me that we barely make progress. I blamed her.
I wanted to keep the therapy and wrote her a 9 pages analysis so that the application to extend therapy doesn't take too much of her time. She demanded to write her some answers to questions like therapy goals.
We had one meeting in August. There were no arguments. I didn't expect she would be still angry. In her mails she was sort of friendly.
I think I might be a little bit condescending towards her. I admit that and that contributed to the argument. She forgets many important things I say to her. Even core events of my childhood. I think she isn't that smart. And her low motivation combined with low skills to analyze me don't make her a good therapist. My psychiatrist suggested to change my therapist but noone answered my phone calls or mails I sent.
The day today was absolutely insane. I took 1mg lorazepam afterwards I never would have expected something like that could happen. I am catastrophizing social interactions. But I did not imagine such a disaster. My life is so absurd. I explained my therapist the current mood I am in. I felt more stable than usual. The last days were good. I talked about the chemistry master student in my self-help group and how she tried to gaslit me. I found a good way to find a solution. I described everything to one of my closest friends who is also mentally ill and he witnessed the conflict withhis own eyes when he accompanied me to a self-help group session. Two borderline women have a fight and sent themselves passive-aggressive messages in sublimnal ways. But if you confront them they will deny that. I wanted to mediate this conflict and made everything worse. The chemistry master student was even more angry on me. She gaslit me and undermined my mental stability. But I distanced myself from her. We had no contact for around 3 weeks.
I explained this self-help group drama to my therapist. I had to correct her multiple times because her memories were faulty. She forgets stuff all the time. Or she doesn't get my point. I might be condescending towards her. I admit that. But it is also her low motivation. Extending therapy should take 5 weeks, With her it took like 3,5 months. In many instances she is so unprofessional. We had a dispute about the chemistry master student. I told her how much I suffered from the toxic atmosphere and passive-aggressive language. And how annoying it is for me not being able to communicate about it openly. Because everything is often only insinuated and cannot be talked freely. When I contront the chemistry master student she will always deny it. And my therapist sort of blamed me the victim and not the person who gaslit me. She said something like you talked badly about the chemistry master student behind her back. You are the one who did something wrong. Though, I only wanted to mediate the conflict between them because the atmosphere was really toxic. I messaged a third member of the group so that he helps me to calm down the mood. She also didn't get seemingly that confronting the chemistry master student would not be a good strategy because they would always blame it on my paranoia and never believe me. And instead by using gaslighting undermining my mental stability. I got angry. How can she do victim blaming in this instance? In German there is the beautiful term Täter-Opfer Umkehr.
I was pretty mad. Then she did something insane. She told me an anecdote. She exactly knows patients like that. For example, people with borderline who always pretend to be the victim while devaluing me as a therapist, accusing me and blaming me for stuff I never did. And then they sit in front of you and say literally nothing. She chuckled after she said that. It was obviously targeted against me. She just did what the chemistry master student did to me. I was really really stunned how unprofessional such a behavior is. I already told my psychiatrist and friends that she is a mess and unprofessional but I never would have imagined something like that. But wait it will become WAY worse.
I was stunned. I looked deep into her eyes to give her a guilty conscience for what she just did. She looked away. I talked about my suicidality that I almost killed myself last October. By the way she also forgot that. She asked me whether I am refering to this October. No, I am not. She is a catastrophe as therapist. I wanted to give her a guilty conscience for what she just did to me. I told her I think I cannot continue therapy with her because there is not enough trust between us anymore. The conflict which I hoped might be over was solved after this long break. But she still seems to be pissed at me. I might be a person who tends to lecture people. And maybe this makes me not that sympathetic. But this behavior of her cannot be excused. She manipulated me after I told her explicitly that I struggle with such behavior/passive-aggressive language/such a toxic atmosphere. I told her I wll search for a different therapist. This made her really mad. She only wrote the extension of my therapy sessions under the promise that I will take the sessions only with her. And yes I promised that to her but I never signed a contract or something. But such a breach of trust of manipulating me in such a way is inexcusable. In a prior session she already blamed solely me for our dispute. And told me my autism is the reason why I am offending other people in such a way. (also her) Did she actually think I would continue therapy with her after such a breach of trust? Why in the world would she think so? Tbh my trust in therapists is completely gone after today. This was a horror show. I had good therapists. But holy shit what the fuck is wrong with this woman. I think I will use AI as therapist from now on.
In the session of today I told her something I recently shared in this forum. You can get a lot of reparations if you are victim of child abuse in my country. And that I hope that this might help me to solve my money issues. Moreover, it is a legitimate way of sueing for one's rights. I could make the case in my opinion very convincing to increase the chance to get that money. It would help me if she or my psychiatrist gives me proof that we talked in therapy about the abuse and if she could evaluate the likelihood that she child abuse led to my inability to work. We talked about it in the middle of the session. And at the end of the session. The different was that after I told her that I won't continue therapy with her she became really angry.
She said she will note down: that this is a dishonest money making scheme of me. The purpose according to her wasn't processing my traumata it only would be a way to get money. Especially, because I don't stop the contact with my mom. (That has nothing to do with my case).
I told her I am still eligible to get that money. And it is not a dishonest money making scheme. I experienced traumata in my childhood by my mom and this led to my inability to work. And this is why I am eligible to receive that money. Teachers never intervened in the case despite the fact my behavioral problems (crying every day in first and second class) were obvious.
I was pretty scared that she takes revenge by telling lies about my condition so that I lose my nursing case money, or my severely handicapped pass would not be renewed. She really scared me. So I tried to scare her back. She said to me she will write down that I was paranoid this session and I just invented a lot of stuff in my fantasy because of my past psychosis. I found this incredibly abusive. Which therapist actually does something like that? I replied. Well I document all sessions in detail on my devices. I send long audio messages about every single session, I write down what happened after every single session in an anonymous online forum, I talked with friends, family, strangers online and even my psychiatrist about her. I think she was not pleased when I said to her that I talked with my psychiatrist about the therapy and that she recommended me to switch the therapist. I wanted to say to her. Her goal to pretend I was an untrustworthy psychotic and paranoid patient will fail because I document literally everything. She scared me very much with her threat to portray me as someone who tries to cheat with the social services. I had the feeling I needed to scare her back so that she won't actually do it. I told her whether she knows what people talk about her in online reviews. And that I find it really under all contempt what other people talk about her. Actually, there are some reviews where people say about her how unprofessional she was: Some of them are quite funny. I told her though I won't publish anything about her. But she perceived it as if "I wanted to ruin her". She also told me she never expected me to be that dangerous. Tbh you are fucking with a person who has gone through so much trauma. You try to manipulate me and pretend in front of others I just invented such claims. What have you thought? That I am an easy target for your disgusting attempts to bring me down and low key bullying? I tried to defend me with the same weapons she used.
She wanted that I come to the next session to meet with her again. I declined after what just happened I don't have enough trust anymore. I told her I am sorry. If she wants to say something to me she shall write me an e-mail. I knew with a new meeting in person she could just invent things because I am a still a patient that is from time to time paranoid. It felt like some sort of trap.
I told her if she has something to say to me please write me an mail. She declined. I asked but you want to say something to me. Why does it have to be in person and not per e-mail? She replied "simply no" a couple of times. I just stated again and again please write me an e-mail if you have something to say. Please write me an e-mail where you describe the session of today to me. She declined and replied she never handles such stuff over e-mail. I replied this is a lie. We exchanged quite some e-mails about mischievious stuff since therapy started. I reminded her can you remember when I showed you how to bypass paywalls? She replied well what's that about. This isn't illegal. And my reply was well actually it is illegal. Though my actual point was reminding her of the mails we exchanged. Then I reminded her of something else. I also posted it in this forum and talked with my friends about it in detail. She accused me of not having had handing in an anamnesis questionannaire some months ago. I think she needed it to write the application of extending therapy sessions.
I could look up the exact date. I also elaborated it to my friends in very long voice messages. She blamed me for not having had handing it in. But I was absolutely certain I handed it in because it took me 4 hours to fill it out. I begged her to look for it in her documents. But she rejected it and blamed it on. I tried to remain friendly. And said in a very polite way please could you look one more time. And then oh well she found it. I also reminded her of this incident. After a couple of times I still said to her please write me an e-mail if you have something to say to me. I decliced to meet her one more time in person. Not enough trust. Then she told me to leave her place. And I did so in peaceful way.
I am scared to see her in court again. This could become really expensive. One friend told me that. With not much money fighting a lawsuit is always hard. My dad and one friend calmed me down and said there will never be a lawsuit. Personally, I am really not sure. And I am scared. Another friend of mine was sort of speechless.
What are your remarks about this incident? Personally, I lost trust in therapy fully today. I will message my psychiatrist (I really like her) with a short note of what has happened. And what her evaluation of this story is.
I am not sure where to start. I will write it down in my native language later today, with clear names and stuff like that. It shows my real assets. My friends and the community on here where I documented everything she said or done to me.
I already mentioned it in this forum a couple of times. My friends considered my therapist a red flag. I showed them mails that were so poorly writen. I thought maybe I should trust in therapists. Smart people told me that. This was a car crash.
3,5 months ago me and my therapist had an argument. I wanted to continue therapy in 1 to 1 therapy sessions. She only offered switching between single/and group sessions. I asked her whether she can extent the therapy sessions with this application to my health insurace. Her answer was I am not enough altruistic for that. An argument started I told her it would help so much if she did that. She insinuated therapy is pointless in my case anyway. She discouraged me from continuing therapy. She blamed me that we barely make progress. I blamed her.
I wanted to keep the therapy and wrote her a 9 pages analysis so that the application to extend therapy doesn't take too much of her time. She demanded to write her some answers to questions like therapy goals.
We had one meeting in August. There were no arguments. I didn't expect she would be still angry. In her mails she was sort of friendly.
I think I might be a little bit condescending towards her. I admit that and that contributed to the argument. She forgets many important things I say to her. Even core events of my childhood. I think she isn't that smart. And her low motivation combined with low skills to analyze me don't make her a good therapist. My psychiatrist suggested to change my therapist but noone answered my phone calls or mails I sent.
The day today was absolutely insane. I took 1mg lorazepam afterwards I never would have expected something like that could happen. I am catastrophizing social interactions. But I did not imagine such a disaster. My life is so absurd. I explained my therapist the current mood I am in. I felt more stable than usual. The last days were good. I talked about the chemistry master student in my self-help group and how she tried to gaslit me. I found a good way to find a solution. I described everything to one of my closest friends who is also mentally ill and he witnessed the conflict withhis own eyes when he accompanied me to a self-help group session. Two borderline women have a fight and sent themselves passive-aggressive messages in sublimnal ways. But if you confront them they will deny that. I wanted to mediate this conflict and made everything worse. The chemistry master student was even more angry on me. She gaslit me and undermined my mental stability. But I distanced myself from her. We had no contact for around 3 weeks.
I explained this self-help group drama to my therapist. I had to correct her multiple times because her memories were faulty. She forgets stuff all the time. Or she doesn't get my point. I might be condescending towards her. I admit that. But it is also her low motivation. Extending therapy should take 5 weeks, With her it took like 3,5 months. In many instances she is so unprofessional. We had a dispute about the chemistry master student. I told her how much I suffered from the toxic atmosphere and passive-aggressive language. And how annoying it is for me not being able to communicate about it openly. Because everything is often only insinuated and cannot be talked freely. When I contront the chemistry master student she will always deny it. And my therapist sort of blamed me the victim and not the person who gaslit me. She said something like you talked badly about the chemistry master student behind her back. You are the one who did something wrong. Though, I only wanted to mediate the conflict between them because the atmosphere was really toxic. I messaged a third member of the group so that he helps me to calm down the mood. She also didn't get seemingly that confronting the chemistry master student would not be a good strategy because they would always blame it on my paranoia and never believe me. And instead by using gaslighting undermining my mental stability. I got angry. How can she do victim blaming in this instance? In German there is the beautiful term Täter-Opfer Umkehr.
I was pretty mad. Then she did something insane. She told me an anecdote. She exactly knows patients like that. For example, people with borderline who always pretend to be the victim while devaluing me as a therapist, accusing me and blaming me for stuff I never did. And then they sit in front of you and say literally nothing. She chuckled after she said that. It was obviously targeted against me. She just did what the chemistry master student did to me. I was really really stunned how unprofessional such a behavior is. I already told my psychiatrist and friends that she is a mess and unprofessional but I never would have imagined something like that. But wait it will become WAY worse.
I was stunned. I looked deep into her eyes to give her a guilty conscience for what she just did. She looked away. I talked about my suicidality that I almost killed myself last October. By the way she also forgot that. She asked me whether I am refering to this October. No, I am not. She is a catastrophe as therapist. I wanted to give her a guilty conscience for what she just did to me. I told her I think I cannot continue therapy with her because there is not enough trust between us anymore. The conflict which I hoped might be over was solved after this long break. But she still seems to be pissed at me. I might be a person who tends to lecture people. And maybe this makes me not that sympathetic. But this behavior of her cannot be excused. She manipulated me after I told her explicitly that I struggle with such behavior/passive-aggressive language/such a toxic atmosphere. I told her I wll search for a different therapist. This made her really mad. She only wrote the extension of my therapy sessions under the promise that I will take the sessions only with her. And yes I promised that to her but I never signed a contract or something. But such a breach of trust of manipulating me in such a way is inexcusable. In a prior session she already blamed solely me for our dispute. And told me my autism is the reason why I am offending other people in such a way. (also her) Did she actually think I would continue therapy with her after such a breach of trust? Why in the world would she think so? Tbh my trust in therapists is completely gone after today. This was a horror show. I had good therapists. But holy shit what the fuck is wrong with this woman. I think I will use AI as therapist from now on.
In the session of today I told her something I recently shared in this forum. You can get a lot of reparations if you are victim of child abuse in my country. And that I hope that this might help me to solve my money issues. Moreover, it is a legitimate way of sueing for one's rights. I could make the case in my opinion very convincing to increase the chance to get that money. It would help me if she or my psychiatrist gives me proof that we talked in therapy about the abuse and if she could evaluate the likelihood that she child abuse led to my inability to work. We talked about it in the middle of the session. And at the end of the session. The different was that after I told her that I won't continue therapy with her she became really angry.
She said she will note down: that this is a dishonest money making scheme of me. The purpose according to her wasn't processing my traumata it only would be a way to get money. Especially, because I don't stop the contact with my mom. (That has nothing to do with my case).
I told her I am still eligible to get that money. And it is not a dishonest money making scheme. I experienced traumata in my childhood by my mom and this led to my inability to work. And this is why I am eligible to receive that money. Teachers never intervened in the case despite the fact my behavioral problems (crying every day in first and second class) were obvious.
I was pretty scared that she takes revenge by telling lies about my condition so that I lose my nursing case money, or my severely handicapped pass would not be renewed. She really scared me. So I tried to scare her back. She said to me she will write down that I was paranoid this session and I just invented a lot of stuff in my fantasy because of my past psychosis. I found this incredibly abusive. Which therapist actually does something like that? I replied. Well I document all sessions in detail on my devices. I send long audio messages about every single session, I write down what happened after every single session in an anonymous online forum, I talked with friends, family, strangers online and even my psychiatrist about her. I think she was not pleased when I said to her that I talked with my psychiatrist about the therapy and that she recommended me to switch the therapist. I wanted to say to her. Her goal to pretend I was an untrustworthy psychotic and paranoid patient will fail because I document literally everything. She scared me very much with her threat to portray me as someone who tries to cheat with the social services. I had the feeling I needed to scare her back so that she won't actually do it. I told her whether she knows what people talk about her in online reviews. And that I find it really under all contempt what other people talk about her. Actually, there are some reviews where people say about her how unprofessional she was: Some of them are quite funny. I told her though I won't publish anything about her. But she perceived it as if "I wanted to ruin her". She also told me she never expected me to be that dangerous. Tbh you are fucking with a person who has gone through so much trauma. You try to manipulate me and pretend in front of others I just invented such claims. What have you thought? That I am an easy target for your disgusting attempts to bring me down and low key bullying? I tried to defend me with the same weapons she used.
She wanted that I come to the next session to meet with her again. I declined after what just happened I don't have enough trust anymore. I told her I am sorry. If she wants to say something to me she shall write me an e-mail. I knew with a new meeting in person she could just invent things because I am a still a patient that is from time to time paranoid. It felt like some sort of trap.
I told her if she has something to say to me please write me an mail. She declined. I asked but you want to say something to me. Why does it have to be in person and not per e-mail? She replied "simply no" a couple of times. I just stated again and again please write me an e-mail if you have something to say. Please write me an e-mail where you describe the session of today to me. She declined and replied she never handles such stuff over e-mail. I replied this is a lie. We exchanged quite some e-mails about mischievious stuff since therapy started. I reminded her can you remember when I showed you how to bypass paywalls? She replied well what's that about. This isn't illegal. And my reply was well actually it is illegal. Though my actual point was reminding her of the mails we exchanged. Then I reminded her of something else. I also posted it in this forum and talked with my friends about it in detail. She accused me of not having had handing in an anamnesis questionannaire some months ago. I think she needed it to write the application of extending therapy sessions.
I could look up the exact date. I also elaborated it to my friends in very long voice messages. She blamed me for not having had handing it in. But I was absolutely certain I handed it in because it took me 4 hours to fill it out. I begged her to look for it in her documents. But she rejected it and blamed it on. I tried to remain friendly. And said in a very polite way please could you look one more time. And then oh well she found it. I also reminded her of this incident. After a couple of times I still said to her please write me an e-mail if you have something to say to me. I decliced to meet her one more time in person. Not enough trust. Then she told me to leave her place. And I did so in peaceful way.
I am scared to see her in court again. This could become really expensive. One friend told me that. With not much money fighting a lawsuit is always hard. My dad and one friend calmed me down and said there will never be a lawsuit. Personally, I am really not sure. And I am scared. Another friend of mine was sort of speechless.
What are your remarks about this incident? Personally, I lost trust in therapy fully today. I will message my psychiatrist (I really like her) with a short note of what has happened. And what her evaluation of this story is.
