putting on a facade before my planned date

[soledad.virgen]

anybody else do this? ive been making it seem like i have future plans for my studies, travel, projects, etc. but i just want to throw my friends and family off my trail. don't really care for their platitudes when ive been well aware that ive irredeemably messed up with my favorite person and i don't have any passion for anything besides them

 

[Nadir]

I'm putting in some minor effort to sort my finances for the future, doing exercise, all whilst knowing the date and plan. Jus continue like normal. Keeps my head straight.

 

[Aimiya]

Yeah, kinda hard to act normal and work on your "future" that'll probably never come.
But quoting the post above, some degree of normalness is necessary;

Keeps my head straight.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Yep. I have people thinking I have plans on what I'm going to do next year. While I'm telling them one thing, I'm actually planning something else. I won't be where they think I'll be. At least that'll throw them off my trail for a while anyways.

 

[theater]

Nope. No one to fake it in front of. Unless I'm at work.

 

[plan c]

Sorry that a post I sent earlier should go to another thread.

It's a very personal choice. but as of me... I've faked enough stuff for my loved ones already. I've been masking myself, posing as normal long enough and the day will always come for them to find out the truth.

 

[CogitoMori]

anybody else do this? ive been making it seem like i have future plans for my studies, travel, projects, etc. but i just want to throw my friends and family off my trail. don't really care for their platitudes when ive been well aware that ive irredeemably messed up with my favorite person and i don't have any passion for anything besides them

Our situations sound exactly the same. I'm cleaning and being productive and trying to show all the "opposite" signs of depression

 

[idhayam]

anybody else do this? ive been making it seem like i have future plans for my studies, travel, projects, etc. but i just want to throw my friends and family off my trail. don't really care for their platitudes when ive been well aware that ive irredeemably messed up with my favorite person and i don't have any passion for anything besides them

The reason why I waited is over, so my CTB date is essentially when I get the next opportunity. As per my schedule, this would be tomorrow. Previous attempts have failed and luckily no one else knew about this so I've been able to maintain a tight facade.

However, the fact that I might die tomorrow does scare me if I manage to get that opportunity like I have calculated, and unfortunately the panic within me was very visible - but I wasn't caught on.

I've been maintaining such facade because if I don't, the trust that I have with others around me which is giving me the time to attempt would be gone, and the other thing is that suicide and mental illness is subject to a lot of stigma which I don't not want to be caught onto.

 

[Phasmid]

I'm not the best at putting on a facade, so I have been isolating myself from people further so they don't catch wind of what I'd not rather deal with. I am planning on catching the bus soon so thankfully it shouldn't be long enough for people to get people worried.

 

[foreverlanguish]

It's been freakin' hard but yeah I've been doing that. Last thing I want is for my family to try to put a stop to my suicide or get worried, plus it's just better that I do this, so I must. I can't afford for any more fuck-ups like last time, especially when CTBing is so so risky.

 

[lostsoul2050]

Yep. Started to make plans for a vacation with a friend after crying myself to sleep in their spare bedroom the last time I saw them knowing that was going to be probably the last time I saw them.