Putting affairs in order and being considerate

[haibiantou]

hi i'm quite new here

I want to ctb but I am concerned that I don't want to burden my family with my passing. Like the only thing that keeps me from doing it currently is the knowledge that it would really fuck them up.
Are there things that I can do to help make things easier for them either emotionally or practically?
Things I've thought of include
- writing notes to make it clear that this is not a rash or impulsive decision, that they shouldn't blame themselves and i am going peacefully
- writing a will
- closing my bank accounts
- ending my phone/wifi contracts etc
- taking myself of the doctor's and dentists lists (obviously i would pretend i was moving somewhere else rather than saying i'm gonna ctb)
- if i'm renting a place then making sure i've paid all the rent/i do it towards the end of my contract
- going through my belongings and donating old clothes/stuff so that they don't have a mountain of my crap to sort through

obviously i won't be there to see any of it play out but a close friend ctb'd a few months ago and I've seen how it's fucked up his family and I just want to try to minimise distress for them. like honestly i don't have a great relationship with them but I know they do love me in some capacity and i certainly don't want to ruin their lives. really i just wish i could fade myself out in the background without them noticing or just go back in time and stop myself being born but sadly that's not quite possible.

any thoughts appreciated

 

[Hemlock]

hi i'm quite new here

I want to ctb but I am concerned that I don't want to burden my family with my passing. Like the only thing that keeps me from doing it currently is the knowledge that it would really fuck them up.
Are there things that I can do to help make things easier for them either emotionally or practically?
Things I've thought of include
- writing notes to make it clear that this is not a rash or impulsive decision, that they shouldn't blame themselves and i am going peacefully
- writing a will
- closing my bank accounts
- ending my phone/wifi contracts etc
- taking myself of the doctor's and dentists lists (obviously i would pretend i was moving somewhere else rather than saying i'm gonna ctb)
- if i'm renting a place then making sure i've paid all the rent/i do it towards the end of my contract
- going through my belongings and donating old clothes/stuff so that they don't have a mountain of my crap to sort through

obviously i won't be there to see any of it play out but a close friend ctb'd a few months ago and I've seen how it's fucked up his family and I just want to try to minimise distress for them. like honestly i don't have a great relationship with them but I know they do love me in some capacity and i certainly don't want to ruin their lives. really i just wish i could fade myself out in the background without them noticing or just go back in time and stop myself being born but sadly that's not quite possible.

any thoughts appreciated

Personally, I would only put any affair in order if it were possible to do so without my loved ones' knowledge. Otherwise, they may get suspicious of me making plans to tie up loose ends in preparation for CTB.

 

[haibiantou]

Personally, I would only put any affair in order if it were possible to do so without my loved ones' knowledge. Otherwise, they may get suspicious of me making plans to tie up loose ends in preparation for CTB.

Yes, I would need to be very subtle and not let on... it is a big risk. I currently live alone so that would help things but you make a good point.

 

[in pain]

One thing I am trying to look into now is what happens in the case my method only partially works and leaves me in a vegetative state. I am not sure where to communicate that I don't want to be kept alive. As far as I understand the will is only for after death. Anyone know?

 

[haibiantou]

One thing I am trying to look into now is what happens in the case my method only partially works and leaves me in a vegetative state. I am not sure where to communicate that I don't want to be kept alive. As far as I understand the will is only for after death. Anyone know?

I know in the UK you can make an 'Advance Decision (Living Will)' however it is obviously not intended for people who want to ctb so I'm not sure how exactly that would play out.
This is copy-pasted from a website I was just looking up:

What can I refuse in an Advance Decision (Living Will)?​

You can use an Advance Decision (Living Will) to refuse any medical treatment including life-sustaining treatment, such as:

• cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if your heart stops
• being put on a ventilator if you cannot breathe on your own
• being given food or fluids artificially, for example through a drip, a tube through the nose or through a tube directly into the stomach
• antibiotics for a life-threatening infection

What can't I use an Advance Decision (Living Will) for?​

You can't use an Advance Decision to:

• Ask for something illegal, such as assistance to end your life.
• Refuse to be offered food and drink by mouth or to refuse care that keeps you clean and comfortable. This is because these things are part of basic care, which healthcare professionals have a duty to provide.

not sure if any of that is relevant or helpful, there may be an equivalent in your country if you're not from the uk

 

[in pain]

I know in the UK you can make an 'Advance Decision (Living Will)' however it is obviously not intended for people who want to ctb so I'm not sure how exactly that would play out.
This is copy-pasted from a website I was just looking up:

What can I refuse in an Advance Decision (Living Will)?​

You can use an Advance Decision (Living Will) to refuse any medical treatment including life-sustaining treatment, such as:

• cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if your heart stops
• being put on a ventilator if you cannot breathe on your own
• being given food or fluids artificially, for example through a drip, a tube through the nose or through a tube directly into the stomach
• antibiotics for a life-threatening infection

What can't I use an Advance Decision (Living Will) for?​

You can't use an Advance Decision to:

• Ask for something illegal, such as assistance to end your life.
• Refuse to be offered food and drink by mouth or to refuse care that keeps you clean and comfortable. This is because these things are part of basic care, which healthcare professionals have a duty to provide.

not sure if any of that is relevant or helpful, there may be an equivalent in your country if you're not from the uk

Thanks, I just saw that you need to have two witnesses in my location, so I guess I have to really make sure my method works.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish I could just disappear. I think maybe the family members not being the one to find you might reduce distress. I plan to write a note which is an attempt to give them closure, saying there is 'nothing you could have done to prevent this' and things like that. I do feel like no matter what you do, they will be upset, but as you said, you will not be there to see it. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

So from a basic framework perspective the answer to your question on what to do before dying is not that much different than dying by non-suicide processes. I googled "checklist for dying" and/or "what to do before you die", etc and found a lot of resources on what to do.

Another source of information is YouTube, I listened to quite a few videos on how to plan your own funeral or memorial service.

 

[haibiantou]

So from a basic framework perspective the answer to your question on what to do before dying is not that much different than dying by non-suicide processes. I googled "checklist for dying" and/or "what to do before you die", etc and found a lot of resources on what to do.

Another source of information is YouTube, I listened to quite a few videos on how to plan your own funeral or memorial service.

That's a really good idea, thank you.

I also wish I could just disappear. I think maybe the family members not being the one to find you might reduce distress. I plan to write a note which is an attempt to give them closure, saying there is 'nothing you could have done to prevent this' and things like that. I do feel like no matter what you do, they will be upset, but as you said, you will not be there to see it. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Yes true - I definitely don't want them finding me. Ideally the police or someone who will have some form of professional capacity and training to help them handle it.
Although I did have another fight with my mum yesterday so now I'm like 'is it even worth trying to be considerate?' lmao
Thank you for your kind words and good wishes - same right back to you too

 

[fox_wannabe]

I am just gonna withdraw all of my money from bank (my bank account is already piss broke) and just disappear.