109
Member
- Oct 2, 2023
- 25
it only cost several thousands of dollars
i hate everything so much i really dont want to die but i just dont know what there is to do anymore, im sick of being myself, easily frustrated at every little thing. im such a pathetic sensitive snowflake i dont know why i still try especially since i try and try harder every day but its still not enough, because im never not gonna be myself. im never not gonna be stuck in this body. i wish there was another way; live or die, and neither is a good option.
i disappoint my family and friends everyday and the facade i put up is getting harder and harder to keep up. i went to the hospital for a week and missed christmas and ruined everyones holidays and im expected to feel better and in some aspects i do but in other aspects i feel worse. i dont wanna be on suicide watch, so i have to be ok. i just dont see a future where im worth something, i have no motivation to do anything, i just want to abuse drugs and go to sleep and draw porn and im bound to be a useless leech for the rest of my life, but i cant afford to die without 100% accuracy and i dont want anyone to find me at the bottom of a cliff. at least my family cant afford hospital bills. i wish i wasnt so sensitive. fuck my stupid gay life.
i just cant stop fantasizing about it. even when i feel ok, the idea of buying sn lingers in my head. i want to live. i love my life. but ii just cant stop hating myselff. its just a visceral, strong, intense, overwhelming hatred that supersedes everything else in my life and its impossible to live with this feeling. its impossible to live in this body. someone elses soul would thrive in this body, its so unfortunate i had to be the one to inherit it. im so sorry for being alive, im sorry for being incapable of changing. how are you supposed to live in a body that rejects you
i ruin everything
i hate everything so much i really dont want to die but i just dont know what there is to do anymore, im sick of being myself, easily frustrated at every little thing. im such a pathetic sensitive snowflake i dont know why i still try especially since i try and try harder every day but its still not enough, because im never not gonna be myself. im never not gonna be stuck in this body. i wish there was another way; live or die, and neither is a good option.
i disappoint my family and friends everyday and the facade i put up is getting harder and harder to keep up. i went to the hospital for a week and missed christmas and ruined everyones holidays and im expected to feel better and in some aspects i do but in other aspects i feel worse. i dont wanna be on suicide watch, so i have to be ok. i just dont see a future where im worth something, i have no motivation to do anything, i just want to abuse drugs and go to sleep and draw porn and im bound to be a useless leech for the rest of my life, but i cant afford to die without 100% accuracy and i dont want anyone to find me at the bottom of a cliff. at least my family cant afford hospital bills. i wish i wasnt so sensitive. fuck my stupid gay life.
i just cant stop fantasizing about it. even when i feel ok, the idea of buying sn lingers in my head. i want to live. i love my life. but ii just cant stop hating myselff. its just a visceral, strong, intense, overwhelming hatred that supersedes everything else in my life and its impossible to live with this feeling. its impossible to live in this body. someone elses soul would thrive in this body, its so unfortunate i had to be the one to inherit it. im so sorry for being alive, im sorry for being incapable of changing. how are you supposed to live in a body that rejects you
i ruin everything
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