What do I do when I know my mental is bad but its so internalized. It started when I realized I dont want to do art or crafts because it feels so meaningless. My art is isnt good and it feels like a waste of time. Whatever I craft is useless afterwards.
Now I know its not true, i can craft bookmarks or keychains. I can draw to be creative and let that flow.
But recently I realized it just boils down to how I feel so meaningless. Nothing I do is good and all these negative thoughts that just keep hitting me where it hurts. It makes me wonder why i feel so much weight just trying to live and do things
I scroll and scroll on social media just bc then im not thinking and if im not thinking I cant have these thoughts. But i know theyre wrong so why do i still think like this.
Makes me really sad. And apart of me wants to give into it and the other knows i shouldnt and it makes trying to do anything, getting better, so much more confusing and harder.
It's a very good question and a very hard problem to overcome. After reading my response below I realize I may have drifted a bit from your topic but I hope it's still somewhat relevant.
I'm dealing with it right now. I was working from home friday then off for the weekend and did almost nothing I enjoyed. Played a couple songs on my guitar and felt nothing. Haven't written any music. Haven't been playing the story games I love, just time-wasters. No joy, complete anhedonia, and feeling like it's all just a waste because I'm unhappy with the majority of the time I spend and not working towards anything.
Here's my plan: survive. That sounds really shitty, but here's what I know, because I've been fighting for so long: I have lived through something similar before. I have weathered very bad storms like this, and eventually I did want to write music again or play a new game or go somewhere new. It didn't make me a great musician, my music still didn't matter, but I know I've gone from enjoying/caring => no joy/no care => back to enjoying/caring.
I'm always going on to LaVieEnRose (sparing him the tag) about how I
know my thoughts are wrong, but like you've said they're internalized and I can't just get rid of them. One thing I can do is be a little better at managing them through each cycle. I've learned how to manage my diet and whatnot, took a long walk outside this weekend, cut out alcohol until I feel better, etc. None of it has "worked," but it's kept me stable so the wheels don't fall off and when my mood improves I don't have to dig myself out of a huge hole.
In the end, do the good times outweigh the bad? It's a tough calculation, but probably 'no.' Still, I want those good times while I have the chance, so for now I will acknowledge that my thoughts are unproductive and misleading and keep trudging. The only way out is through.
You hit the nail in the head for me, I do the same doomscrolling to avoid any actual thoughts coming to my brain, it isn't healthy, it made me dumber, I feel it.
This is also absolutely killing me. Not even doomscrolling. Just refreshing this page and other pages and checking a couple apps where I know there probably aren't any updates. It's just extreme avoidance of what is in front of me that I have to confront. The one good thing I did this weekend was take some time to completely unplug just to force myself to let my brain work stuff out. It's not even rest, but like you said the distracting stimulation is just avoiding, so you're pushing all this crap down you have to work through, and there's a big backlog. Then, yeah, extreme brain fog like I'm a complete idiot.