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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
I feel like Im living for other people. I cannot be alone. I cant bear to be alone, I always want someone near me I WANT to live for them. I love when I make people happy and thats what holds me here. Whenever I am alone I always want to end it cuz for me I am not worth it. When Im with other people Im too distracted to focus on my thoughts. When I'm with other people, I can feel like I have a purpose, like maybe I'm needed, and that keeps me going. I am alone rn and I dont like it. I dont want to be alone Im scared. Rn there's someone Im more focused then other people and they (wont refer any gender related stuff) also are having a hard time in life and I dont want this persons death before me. Its selfish tho so yeah whatever I guess. I just want someone here rn. I want to cut myself but I promised someone I wouldnt. Im biting my fake nails tho and they actually really help. I want to sleep but Im too scared to go to sleep. My house is really scary. If someone would be here it wouldnt be like this but in the other hand will it ever be this way? Eventually I need to be ok to be alone.
 
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C

CogitoMori

Specialist
Oct 21, 2024
375
It should be okay to live for other people. People will say you should live for what makes you happy, but if love or connection with people is what makes you happy, suddenly that's a problem because, "You're not living for yourself." Why would I want to live for myself if service to others is what makes me truly happy?
 
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danny10

danny10

Banned
Jan 8, 2025
264
I live for other people too. I live for my daughter, for my wife, for my mother and father. But I don't want to live anymore. I also know that my death would mean a lot of pain for the people I love. I don't want to cause them any pain. Hence I am living on but I don't want to continue. Should I feel ashamed that I am planning to CTB when I have a little daughter? I feel horrible to be honest.
 
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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
I live for other people too. I live for my daughter, for my wife, for my mother and father. But I don't want to live anymore. I also know that my death would mean a lot of pain for the people I love. I don't want to cause them any pain. Hence I am living on but I don't want to continue. Should I feel ashamed that I am planning to CTB when I have a little daughter? I feel horrible to be honest.
It's clear you deeply care about your daughter and your family, which shows how much love and responsibility you have in your heart, even in the midst of such intense pain .Please know that feeling this way doesn't make you a bad person it means you're human and struggling.It's okay to feel conflicted and to sit with those feelings. You don't have to solve everything right now. Just know that your feelings are valid, and you're not alone in this, even if it feels that way. I'm here for you to listen, without judgment, whenever you need!! Your pain matters, and so do you. You're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough right now the fact that you're still here shows a strength you might not even realize you have.
 
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danny10

danny10

Banned
Jan 8, 2025
264
It's clear you deeply care about your daughter and your family, which shows how much love and responsibility you have in your heart, even in the midst of such intense pain .Please know that feeling this way doesn't make you a bad person it means you're human and struggling.It's okay to feel conflicted and to sit with those feelings. You don't have to solve everything right now. Just know that your feelings are valid, and you're not alone in this, even if it feels that way. I'm here for you to listen, without judgment, whenever you need!! Your pain matters, and so do you. You're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough right now the fact that you're still here shows a strength you might not even realize you have.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it truely means a lot for me. I cannot share my suicidal ideation with anyone so it's so great to find people like you on this site who understands. Do you also feel suicidal?
 
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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
Thank you so much for your kind words, it truely means a lot for me. I cannot share my suicidal ideation with anyone so it's so great to find people like you on this site who understands. Do you also feel suicidal?
You can share anything with me Im a good listener. I am a new member thats why my prive messages are closed I suppose. I am more than willing to have a chat with you once it opens. I dont know when it opens though.
 
danny10

danny10

Banned
Jan 8, 2025
264
You can share anything with me Im a good listener. I am a new member thats why my prive messages are closed I suppose. I am more than willing to have a chat with you once it opens. I dont know when it opens though.
Just sent you a message on private.
 
Ashes of a Dreamer

Ashes of a Dreamer

Looking for freedom out of this hell
Dec 29, 2024
50
That's a great question: should we live for others to prevent them from suffering when we reached the point of not bearing it anymore?

There isn't an unique answer, and there are some, like you, that think we should - and I understand it, I used to think the same, and wouldn't be here writing this message if I haven't considered the possible impact of my death on others.

However, after so long - reached the 30s - I decided that it's a miserable existence just continuing here for the loved ones. They tried, I tried, but the suffering continues and gets bigger with time, so I'm done, and they'll have to find ways to deal with my death. Is it egoistic? Of course, but I think that I would understand if someone I like commited suicide - the despair was too big, I would think.

Anyway, let me hear your responses to this question, I think it leads to an interesting dialogue.
 
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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
Just sent you a message on private.
Hello Danny, I tried to answer to you but it doesnt let me do it. It says change sentence and stuff but even though I change it I cannot send message to you :(( IDK what to do
 
DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
@Lupisour I cant reply to your PM either Im sorry to tag you to this thread but I dont want you to think that Im not replying to you. I want to talk to you and reply but I cant the system wont let me.
 
DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
That's a great question: should we live for others to prevent them from suffering when we reached the point of not bearing it anymore?

There isn't an unique answer, and there are some, like you, that think we should - and I understand it, I used to think the same, and wouldn't be here writing this message if I haven't considered the possible impact of my death on others.

However, after so long - reached the 30s - I decided that it's a miserable existence just continuing here for the loved ones. They tried, I tried, but the suffering continues and gets bigger with time, so I'm done, and they'll have to find ways to deal with my death. Is it egoistic? Of course, but I think that I would understand if someone I like commited suicide - the despair was too big, I would think.

Anyway, let me hear your responses to this question, I think it leads to an interesting dialogue.
If you're willing, I'd like to challenge the perspective that "it's done" and "they'll have to deal with it." Could there still be avenues unexplored? Could there be a way to shift from merely surviving for others to finding even a small reason to keep going for yourself? Life, though fraught with suffering, also holds unexpected opportunities for healing and joy sometimes in the most surprising places or moments.

You asked if choosing to end your life despite others' pain is selfish ,understanding someone's pain doesn't diminish the devastation their loss can bring to those who care about them. Grief isn't just about losing someone; it's about losing the possibility of helping them, of sharing their burdens, and of creating new memories together.

I think this is where we split up: Living for others can be both a source of purpose and a source of anguish. It depends on whether that act of living for others feels meaningful or just another obligation piled atop the pain. For some, the love and support of others become lifelines that anchor them to life. For others, when the internal suffering outweighs any external connection, the act of continuing for others can feel hollow or unsustainable.
I see your point, and it's an honest, vulnerable one. But for me, the idea of living for others isn't a burden it's a source of fulfillment and purpose. Making others happy, easing their suffering, and being there for them brings me a kind of joy that feels larger than myself. It's not just about obligation.When I think about the pain my absence would cause to those I love, it's not guilt that keeps me here, it's the realization that, through my presence, I can be part of their strength and happiness.
 
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danny10

danny10

Banned
Jan 8, 2025
264
Hello Danny, I tried to answer to you but it doesnt let me do it. It says change sentence and stuff but even though I change it I cannot send message to you :(( IDK what to do
No worries, it's probably because you're a new member. In a few days your chat should be activated.
 
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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
No worries, it's probably because you're a new member. In a few days your chat should be activated.
Thanks for understanding I didnt wanted to be misunderstood into make you feel like im leaving you on read<3
 
kissmegoodbye

kissmegoodbye

Member
Jun 15, 2024
9
I feel like Im living for other people. I cannot be alone. I cant bear to be alone, I always want someone near me I WANT to live for them. I love when I make people happy and thats what holds me here. Whenever I am alone I always want to end it cuz for me I am not worth it. When Im with other people Im too distracted to focus on my thoughts. When I'm with other people, I can feel like I have a purpose, like maybe I'm needed, and that keeps me going. I am alone rn and I dont like it. I dont want to be alone Im scared. Rn there's someone Im more focused then other people and they (wont refer any gender related stuff) also are having a hard time in life and I dont want this persons death before me. Its selfish tho so yeah whatever I guess. I just want someone here rn. I want to cut myself but I promised someone I wouldnt. Im biting my fake nails tho and they actually really help. I want to sleep but Im too scared to go to sleep. My house is really scary. If someone would be here it wouldnt be like this but in the other hand will it ever be this way? Eventually I need to be ok to be alone.
this is really relatable,, i really am just staying alive for my boyfriend but it's hard when he's away/busy and he isn't there to help distract me from my family and life. i am in so much pain everyday but it feels like it's worth it so i may live for him and keep making him happy everyday, that's really the only purpose i have in life. living for others is tough but im happy it gives me a reason to be alive.
 
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Depressive_Thoughts

Depressive_Thoughts

Member
Jan 6, 2025
52
Yeah, I can relate to that as well... after living all alone for a couple of years, I came to the conclusion that when someone else is around I feel more relaxed, less anxious, I really enjoy having someone into my life. I had to accept this fact in order to be able to understand that perhaps I could try and have a healthy relationship and, hell, maybe go on with my "life". I also have a son, which makes me think that because of my CTB thoughts , I'm a horrible person.
 
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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
@Lupisour I CANT SEND DMS;-; Please look here Im sorry its probably because Im a new member. I also wanna talk to you
 
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Ashes of a Dreamer

Ashes of a Dreamer

Looking for freedom out of this hell
Dec 29, 2024
50
If you're willing, I'd like to challenge the perspective that "it's done" and "they'll have to deal with it." Could there still be avenues unexplored? Could there be a way to shift from merely surviving for others to finding even a small reason to keep going for yourself? Life, though fraught with suffering, also holds unexpected opportunities for healing and joy sometimes in the most surprising places or moments.

You asked if choosing to end your life despite others' pain is selfish ,understanding someone's pain doesn't diminish the devastation their loss can bring to those who care about them. Grief isn't just about losing someone; it's about losing the possibility of helping them, of sharing their burdens, and of creating new memories together.

I think this is where we split up: Living for others can be both a source of purpose and a source of anguish. It depends on whether that act of living for others feels meaningful or just another obligation piled atop the pain. For some, the love and support of others become lifelines that anchor them to life. For others, when the internal suffering outweighs any external connection, the act of continuing for others can feel hollow or unsustainable.
I see your point, and it's an honest, vulnerable one. But for me, the idea of living for others isn't a burden it's a source of fulfillment and purpose. Making others happy, easing their suffering, and being there for them brings me a kind of joy that feels larger than myself. It's not just about obligation.When I think about the pain my absence would cause to those I love, it's not guilt that keeps me here, it's the realization that, through my presence, I can be part of their strength and happiness.
Oh, I liked you message, and reading that exists people like you, who really want to help others, gets me sort of emotional kkkkkkkkk Anyway, I appreciate that you can find purpose doing so, but I`m tired of just existing, waking up day by day with the same old problems that I`ve already shared with others, but no one can really solve, just listening and giving me advices I`ve already known (it`s not their fault, there are things which are completelly out of anyone control).

About the surprises of life, you`re right, it can happen, as well as it can`t. We never really know what`s coming, so we just follow our expectations - when you have none, it`s the path for suicide or spiritual enlightenment hahahahahaha

And about your reply, I don`t know the conditions of your life, but one thing that is aligned to that purpose - living for others - is becoming a health professional or a spiritual leader. May you find some sense through the inevitable pain of life.
 
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DevonBostick'sAss

DevonBostick'sAss

BillyIdol
Jan 10, 2025
61
reading that exists people like you, who really want to help others, gets me sort of emotional kkkkkkkkk Anyway, I appreciate that you can find purpose doing so, but I`m tired of just existing, waking up day by day with the same old problems that I`ve already shared with others, but no one can really solve, just listening and giving me advices I`ve already known (it`s not their fault, there are things which are completelly out of anyone control).

About the surprises of life, you`re right, it can happen, as well as it can`t. We never really know what`s coming, so we just follow our expectations - when you have none, it`s the path for suicide or spiritual enlightenment hahahahahaha

And about your reply, I don`t know the conditions of your life, but one thing that is aligned to that purpose - living for others - is becoming a health professional or a spiritual leader. May you find some sense through the inevitable pain of life.
I completely understand how exhausting it can feel to wake up to the same problems, especially when the solutions seem out of reach or beyond anyone's control. It's true sometimes, advice or a listening ear isn't enough to fill that void or change the circumstances. But just sharing your struggles like this takes courage, and I hope you give yourself credit for that. Life's unpredictability can feel like a double edged sword sometimes it brings surprises we never saw coming, and other times, it feels stagnant. That balance between having no expectations and staying open to what life might bring is tricky to navigate, but I admire the humor and insight you've woven into your thoughts about it.
As for your point about finding purpose in living for others, it resonates deeply with me. There's something powerful about the idea of channeling pain into something meaningful, like helping others heal or find peace, whether through health, spirituality, or even small acts of kindness.

Thank you for your kind wishes I hope you can find moments of light, even in the midst of what feels like inevitable pain. You're not alone in feeling this way, even if it sometimes seems that way. And if there's ever anything I can do whether it's listening, reflecting, or just being here I'm more than happy to. Take care of yourself <3
 
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