Venting Punishment is better than self love

[OhWellDerp321]

What do I mean by this?

I mean if you are actually trying to improve on something, punishing yourself is better than loving yourself.

By punishing yourself i dont mean self harm.

Lets say this. You want to stop making constant stupid mistakes at work.

You can take the path of "loving yourself' and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. "Realizing that you are not stupid and all humans make mistakes".

Yeh sure. Gurantee you next day or next week you will go back to making stupid mistakes

Why? Because you didn't have any consequences as a result of your mistake. You still ate dessert. You still went home and watched your favorite netflix series.
Well guess what. Eventually there will be a big consequence. Which is your lose your job due to those stupid mistakes.

The only way to improve is by punishing yourself. Not by self harm because that wont do you any good. Cant stop making stupid mistakes at work if you are in the hospital and cant work.

If you make a mistake at work. You cant eat dessert for the next 3 days. Make another mistake at work? Good. You cant watch netflix for a week. You now have something to actually hold you accountable.
If you keep making mistakes, slowly you will start getting pissed off that you cant enjoy your favorite things. Then you still slowly try to at least improve.

If self love worked, you wouldnt be repeating the same mistakes.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it can go too far in the opposite direction sometimes. When I screw up, I'll spend the next few hours 'beating myself up' mentally on how stupid I was to do that. I'll keep ruminating on it- which means I'm concentrating less- which means I'm more likely to make more mistakes. I think there has to be a balance between being stern with yourself but not undermining your own confidence.

The 'punishment' idea is interesting though. Try to teach yourself to make less mistakes through association with deprivation. I've never tried that.

My work is practical though so- generally, when I make a mistake, I will pay the 'cost' in time, effort and frustration trying to fix it. I always hope that will stop me messing up again but, it doesn't always! Maybe I should try your method. My waistline could do with missing a few desserts.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

I think it can go too far in the opposite direction sometimes. When I screw up, I'll spend the next few hours 'beating myself up' mentally on how stupid I was to do that. I'll keep ruminating on it- which means I'm concentrating less- which means I'm more likely to make more mistakes. I think there has to be a balance between being stern with yourself but not undermining your own confidence.

The 'punishment' idea is interesting though. Try to teach yourself to make less mistakes through association with deprivation. I've never tried that.

My work is practical though so- generally, when I make a mistake, I will pay the 'cost' in time, effort and frustration trying to fix it. I always hope that will stop me messing up again but, it doesn't always! Maybe I should try your method. My waistline could do with missing a few desserts.

Yeah "beating yourself up" doesn't equal improvement. Beating yourself up is more like "I am so stupid for making this mistake". Which could be true or could not be true. But either way, if nothing is done afterwards, beating yourself up or loving yourself won't make a difference. You can say "I am not a stupid person, I can do better". But will you? If you have already made the same mistakes multiple times, something isn't working.

Punishing yourself is a better reminder to yourself and actually gives yourself a motivation to improve.

 

[patheticparasite]

Don't forget to treat yourself when the punishment has been successful, though.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

Don't forget to treat yourself when the punishment has been successful, though.

i don't reward myself if it works. because rewards are only for if you over achieved something.

the reason i have to punish myself is because i screwed up. so not screwing up is nothing to be rewarded for. its just normal.