Story psychedelic trip tried to kill me.

[sadfemboy:(]

first time writing something, and I'm not good at writing.
It's no secret my drug usage is getting worse every day, what started at something to stimulate me for work, and then at the end of the relax calm me down is turning into quite the addiction (who would've guessed)
At this point I just want to write something down that will be read, I had a really really bad trip earlier.
I'm not sure what I was expecting from psychedelics, but the first hour was really enjoyable. Then, the voices came. It felt like all my emotions and body parts were talking to each other. They were telling me to stop breathing, I reached for the SN I have. I then snapped back into reality and realised what I was doing, I'm not ready to take that yet. Yet I easily could've gone through it subconsciously, I was NOT in control my body at that point. Something else was.

This is the second near death experience I've had this month, earlier I managed to accidentally overdose on something else and spent half the day throwing up.

All my friends are cutting me off because of my usage, not a single person checked up on me either night. My messages are always empty. It's sad, I don't know what to do.

It's been a couple days now but I've just been in the most negative mood, I want to do it again, I want to go through with what the thoughts said

(oops clicked enter too early, will edit)

 

[gottacheckout]

Did you eat or drink mushrooms or consume LSD? Mushrooms tend to be more mild unless you get into large amounts.

 

[sadfemboy:(]

Did you eat or drink mushrooms or consume LSD? Mushrooms tend to be more mild unless you get into large amounts.

It was a 2CB pill, I'm not sure what I was expecting but the trip I had felt more like acid

 

[gottacheckout]

I've found that psychedelic trips can get more intense when I'm by myself. Also when I'm having psychotic issues. When I was younger I found myself utilizing psychedelics more, both shrooms and acid, sometimes they were just an escape but more often they gave me an insight into brain.

I'm not sure ctb while tripping is the best idea, possibly easier to make a mistake. I'd probably make the sn more difficult to access. If you decide you want to ctb that way then get it set up before you take the psychedelics.

 

[sadfemboy:(]

I've found that psychedelic trips can get more intense when I'm by myself. Also when I'm having psychotic issues. When I was younger I found myself utilizing psychedelics more, both shrooms and acid, sometimes they were just an escape but more often they gave me an insight into brain.

yes, that last part exactly. I felt like I got to hear what my brain wanted unfiltered. I've been trying so hard to get better, but that experience has told me the only thing my body wants is death. It was my first time taking anything alone there's normally someone else with me

it got pretty crazy, I have 10 blahajs (soft toys) in my bed and at one point they were communicating with me it felt like electric systems. pretty weird experience
This rough part lasted about 20 minutes, I literally emptied all my draws looking for diazepam I couldn't take listening to my own thoughts enhanced.. It's like overthinking every single though to an extreme extent

 

[gottacheckout]

I don't want to minimize your experience but your mind has been thinking about death and there is a high probability that your trip was just emphasizing those thoughts.

Thanks for letting me know what a blahaj is, just remember that I'm a COB. Their communicating to you isn't unexpected, I've had several experiences where inanimate objects seemed to do it.

 

[Romanticize]

Suicidal people and people with depression shouldnt really trip on psychedelids (but I did, of course, hundreds of trips on acid, shrooms, 2CB, MDMA, 4-ho-met, 4-ho-mipt, ketamine) because it usually amplifies their thoughts and depression. Ego death can be sometimes beneficial, but if you have mental problems, its usually nothing good.