About four years ago, I started taking Lexapro (20mg). Within a few months, I felt extremely suicidal, depressed, and anxious. I had never been suicidal before taking an SSRI—I only had mild anxiety, but my doctor insisted this medication would help. When I told him it was making me suicidal, he added Effexor at the highest dose.
This combination caused genital numbness and made me so suicidal that I began researching assisted suicide. I begged my doctor to let me stop, but he told me to keep taking it. I quit cold turkey, and thankfully, the numbness went away, and I stabilized. But the suicidal thoughts lingered.
A year later, I tried Zoloft. The same thing happened—this time with memory problems, depersonalization, and such severe panic attacks that I couldn't even drink coffee. I stayed on it for another year before quitting last January. At first, I felt better—my anxiety was still there, but the suicidal thoughts faded.
Then, after a family crisis and a sleepless night, I started getting brain shocks. For three months, I barely slept, and my anxiety became so extreme that my hair fell out. A doctor prescribed an antipsychotic, which made me lose even more hair (all over my body) and turned me into a zombie. I quit after two weeks.
Hospitalized and desperate, I was forced onto a mood stabilizer and Zoloft again. The suicidal thoughts returned. My parents made me try Cymbalta, which left me sleepless for five days, completely numb genitally, and with such bad brain fog and memory issues that I'd go to fill up my car and pay for gas, then drive away without filling up. My brain burned constantly, like it was on fire. I quit cold turkey again.
Now, a year later, I'm a shell of myself. I feel no emotions—no joy from music, no love for my family (though I know I love them), no runner's high. I used to be passionate and full of life; now, I'm empty. I am starting to lose hope that I can continue to live life like this. I should also add that I have been on no medication for over a year now. I still to this day have numb genitals and a lack of orgasms. I cannot feel joy or sadness in any form. Cymbalta took my soul and sense of self and my pleasure.
This combination caused genital numbness and made me so suicidal that I began researching assisted suicide. I begged my doctor to let me stop, but he told me to keep taking it. I quit cold turkey, and thankfully, the numbness went away, and I stabilized. But the suicidal thoughts lingered.
A year later, I tried Zoloft. The same thing happened—this time with memory problems, depersonalization, and such severe panic attacks that I couldn't even drink coffee. I stayed on it for another year before quitting last January. At first, I felt better—my anxiety was still there, but the suicidal thoughts faded.
Then, after a family crisis and a sleepless night, I started getting brain shocks. For three months, I barely slept, and my anxiety became so extreme that my hair fell out. A doctor prescribed an antipsychotic, which made me lose even more hair (all over my body) and turned me into a zombie. I quit after two weeks.
Hospitalized and desperate, I was forced onto a mood stabilizer and Zoloft again. The suicidal thoughts returned. My parents made me try Cymbalta, which left me sleepless for five days, completely numb genitally, and with such bad brain fog and memory issues that I'd go to fill up my car and pay for gas, then drive away without filling up. My brain burned constantly, like it was on fire. I quit cold turkey again.
Now, a year later, I'm a shell of myself. I feel no emotions—no joy from music, no love for my family (though I know I love them), no runner's high. I used to be passionate and full of life; now, I'm empty. I am starting to lose hope that I can continue to live life like this. I should also add that I have been on no medication for over a year now. I still to this day have numb genitals and a lack of orgasms. I cannot feel joy or sadness in any form. Cymbalta took my soul and sense of self and my pleasure.
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