Help Protective alter won’t let me CTB

[BloomingAzaleas]

To preface this, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and there's a certain alter that is very protective of me and my life. This also includes preventing me from CTB.
They always thwart and stop any attempt I try, whether it's in the moment or throwing out my methods before I even get a chance. This has all happened multiple times.
I love them like family but it just makes me so upset and hopeless like I won't ever be able to die on my own terms. I won't ever be able to accomplish the one dream I have left of this world, to cease.
So I pose a question that I'd like some help with:

How do I cope with being forced to live against my will?

 

[poa.alpina]

Oh my, that's... relatable :( i can't say i suffer from the same disorder, but there are 2 people... and i have the same problem! I once started preparing to destroy my last drawings, after which i planned to ctb, but they stopped me... I know they are not doing this out of spite, but it still hurts. As one of them said "it's all pro choice and stuff until you might loose a loved one and be left alone". I know it saddens them, which makes me feel even more of a burden.

I'm sorry for not answering the question. I don't know either. I "cope" by just sleeping a lot. That's all.

 

[kadjflakflajlk]

what is an alter

 

[SVEN]

what is an alter

Alternate personality ? Like it used to be referred to as "split or multiple personalities" I believe.
The condition was induced in mind programmes such as MK-Ultra by the US government by guys such as Ewen Cameron.

 

[vaguebluur]

To preface this, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and there's a certain alter that is very protective of me and my life. This also includes preventing me from CTB.
They always thwart and stop any attempt I try, whether it's in the moment or throwing out my methods before I even get a chance. This has all happened multiple times.
I love them like family but it just makes me so upset and hopeless like I won't ever be able to die on my own terms. I won't ever be able to accomplish the one dream I have left of this world, to cease.
So I pose a question that I'd like some help with:

How do I cope with being forced to live against my will?

I'm in the exact same boat with d.i.d and eupd I wish I knew how many alters I have I don't even knows what's what anymore or who's against me or trying to help they play games with me.

 

[kadjflakflajlk]

Alternate personality ? Like it used to be referred to as "split or multiple personalities" I believe.
The condition was induced in mind programmes such as MK-Ultra by the US government by guys such as Ewen Cameron.

he means a voice in his head?

 

[SVEN]

he means a voice in his head?

No, I'm no authority, however my understanding is that an 'alternate personality or personalities' are fragmented, discrete individual persons within the one mind. They may well not be aware of each other, resulting in missing time periods for the 'main' personality whilst an alter is in control.
In the instance of voices being heard, they are addressing a constant, ongoing personality.

 

[kadjflakflajlk]

oh like that movie split

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful and tiring feeling trapped in that situation, I just think the unfortunate reality is that if someone doesn't find a way to leave this world then they have no choice but to suffer.