Ben11

Ben11

New Member
Dec 6, 2020
4
Hiya! So basically I've made a promise not to cbt with my significant other, and I really REALLY don't want to break it but so it goes y'know? They really don't deserve to deal with my shit and they've just been the most supportive and nicest human being to me. Every day they honestly try their best and I feel like they deserve to have a promise kept. I just don't want to feel so bad if I do break it, does anyone have the same or similar experience? I'd really like to talk about it!
 
M

MMblackdemons

Member
Dec 4, 2020
7
I do understand your feeling!! I also have people near me that want me to promise this. And the thought of breaking their hearts makes me feel misserable. But stil i have my own thoughts
I do understand your feeling!! I also have people near me that want me to promise this. And the thought of breaking their hearts makes me feel misserable. But stil
 
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,024
I personally could not make a promise like that. The promise suggests that one will endure any circumstances, and I just can’t guarantee that. I could promise that I will do my absolute best to work in the direction of recovery, or that I would make ctb a last resort.
 
Gromit-CTB

Gromit-CTB

time for ctb
Nov 14, 2020
847
Making a promise is good for the other person, I have done this before but remember you have to live with what ever torment you are going through and can you cope. My ex left me after 30 years and that promise not to ctb through all those years just seems pointless to me now and I will ctb asap to end my suffering. Not saying you should do same but at the end of the day relationships can be temporary but our suffering is usually permanent
 
DeathBySuicide

DeathBySuicide

-
Nov 30, 2020
46
Yes, I have experienced this, too. I ended up breaking my pact with him multiple times, but failed each time (obviously). I don't know if I'm going to attempt to break it again; I love him too much to have to put him through all that again, but sometimes I do want to CTB ngl
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,169
I'd say that only living for others while you're unhappy is really sad.
I love my dad and I know he's gonna suffer lots once I CTB but I just can't live for 40 more years and keep dealing with this bullsh*t called life.

Let's say that being a "liar" and selfish person is needed to CTB. After all, we never asked to be born.
 
J

justsad&done

Visionary
Nov 11, 2020
2,804
That is not a promise I could keep and therefore not something I would promise to someone I care about. I have been on both ends of this situation. Unfortunately. I think it can bring up lots of feelings of guilt for everyone. You will feel guilty if you decide to break that promise. And your significant other will likely feel guilty for not doing more "to help you" if you do CTB.
 
death137

death137

miserable
Jun 25, 2020
1,162
My mother and siblings have made me promise not to ctb multiple times. But too be honest I don’t care. When I agreed to promise it was to erase huge suspicion. If I didn’t not only will I worry them all day but it will also increase the chance of them negatively affecting my suicide plan. I love them but continuing to live a miserable life for the sake of keeping a promise isn’t right.
 
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Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Oct 10, 2020
623
My mother does not make promises, but she did make me promise not to CTB within her lifetime. Since I should remain secure and taken care of as long as she remains sound of mind and body, I have no reason to break that oath, but that does not mean I cannot prepare. (She knows I am a member of SS BTW.)

I have non CTB reasons for obtaining sodium nitrite. There is some clinical evidence that small doses can boost nitric oxide levels in the circulatory system to counteract chronically low levels of nitric oxide in treatment resistant cases of congenital obstructive sleep apnea like mine. Also, I have a brother and friends who are wild game hunters that often supply us with venison from their kills, and curing venison with SN prevents and kills botulism, an infinitely deadlier entity than SN has ever been suggested to be.

Regardless of CTB, I would still likely be seeking to obtain a portable nitrogen tire inflation kit with a 150 CF aluminum cylinder (as compared to Max Dog Brewing's 20 CF cylinders) filled not with automotive grade nitrogen, but finest pure grade nitrogen for also using with my home brewing kit. (I love pear ale, and there are large pear trees in the backyard. Since it can't be bought locally, I need to brew it myself.) A 150 CF aluminum cylinder filled with pure nitrogen gas would supply far more than enough for me to repeatedly test it out safely and thoroughly the way LetzteAusfahrt detailed, with the proper type of mask he used pressed loosely against my face in a well ventilated area with good air flow.

SN would require extended preparation, while if something were to suddenly happen to my mother, I could dispatch myself with nitrogen hypoxia just as suddenly and be done with this awful existence. (My evil parasitical father now needs me far more desperately than anybody else in his life. Good. If he somehow outlives my mother, fuck him. I'll be delighted to abandon him and all my other asshole relatives.)

Otherwise, I will be teaching myself how to form a proper noose (including from bedsheets), hanging being the longtime universal CTB method of choice for preteens (like Katelyn Nicole Davis and the older sister of one of my former classmates ages ago), plus prison inmates (like NFL gridiron outcast Aaron Hernandez) and involuntary psychiatry ward patients on 24/7 suicide watches like Family Feud game show host Ray Combs (who successfully hung himself with bedsheets while on a 72 hour psychiatric hold in 1996).
 
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PNKPNDA

PNKPNDA

Member
Mar 8, 2020
70
i feel like people ask us to promise this so they can feel some kinda relief themselves idk imo its kinda selfish to try make someone promise that bcos u cant help how u feel
 
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Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Oct 10, 2020
623
i feel like people ask us to promise this so they can feel some kinda relief themselves idk imo its kinda selfish to try make someone promise that bcos u cant help how u feel

In my mother's case, she converted to Catholicism at age 12 along with her mother. (My atheist grandfather told them both to leave him out of their conversion, and they did.)

Being raised by the conflict between my Catholic mother's integrity, congruency and compulsive honesty on one side, and my atheist father's compulsive hypocrisy, brainwashing, treason and lies on the other side (whilst preaching the Bible for manipulative control, misquoting it before we were old enough to read to justify his criminal abuses), my mother's sense of morality prevailed upon me, although the massive damage my father deliberately and systematically inflicted on me (with massive help from my stupid bullying teachers and cowardly school psychologists kissing his ass) caused completely irreparable damage.

My mother feared for her own life with good reason, and she had other children besides me to deal with, and she didn't want to believe my father is Satan himself, the Devil Incarnate, until it was far too late, so I cut her some slack. She and priests we've met have stated I am excluded from the gates of Hell on the sacramental grounds of "Diminished Capacity," while my conscienceless father is to pay the full price in the hereafter for the damage he inflicted. According to their belief system, my father will pay the eternal price if I CTB, and is already doomed. (Personally, I am agnostic.)
 
daddy Phil :)

daddy Phil :)

Member
Oct 21, 2020
52
I met a girl on the internet and she is really important to me, she was suicidal and cut herself a lot. She asked me to promise her to never commit suicide or to even cut myself. Now I feel stuck because of this.
I'd say that only living for others while you're unhappy is really sad.
I love my dad and I know he's gonna suffer lots once I CTB but I just can't live for 40 more years and keep dealing with this bullsh*t called life.

Let's say that being a "liar" and selfish person is needed to CTB. After all, we never asked to be born.
It is sad but what can I do if others are way more important for me than myself.
 
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G

graceful-exit

New Member
Dec 4, 2020
2
I promised my mom. I’ve kept the promise for over 15 years. She is now not willing to take care of herself by taking her daily (non psychiatric related meds) and is in essence taking her own life. I recently told her all deals are off and she didn’t argue with me. I think her chronic medical condition has finally made her somewhat understand my position.
 
Ben11

Ben11

New Member
Dec 6, 2020
4
Yes, I have experienced this, too. I ended up breaking my pact with him multiple times, but failed each time (obviously). I don't know if I'm going to attempt to break it again; I love him too much to have to put him through all that again, but sometimes I do want to CTB ngl
That really sucks, if you don't mind me asking, how strong is your prohibition to you in all honesty?
I met a girl on the internet and she is really important to me, she was suicidal and cut herself a lot. She asked me to promise her to never commit suicide or to even cut myself. Now I feel stuck because of this.

It is sad but what can I do if others are way more important for me than myself.
Right? It's just so difficult to find it in yourself to look after yourself because it feels selfish. Like if I don't look after this person and they do something, it's my fault because I'm the only person they listen to and enjoy, I can't take that away from them.
 
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Nymph

Nymph

he/him
Jul 15, 2020
2,523
That’s really sad, if you someday really consider ctbing maybe break up with them before? Or try to make them understand so that you can spend your last moment together. I promise like that is hard to keep when you’re suicidal. Sorry you’re in this situation <3 :(
 
Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
Apr 19, 2020
259
My boyfriend basically made me promise that, more or less guilt-tripped me into it honestly. I love him but I’m not sure if it’s a promise I can keep.
 
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DeathBySuicide

DeathBySuicide

-
Nov 30, 2020
46
how strong is your prohibition to you in all honesty?
It's strong, but sometimes, depression just gets too overwhelming for me. There's been times where depression was so strong that it completely overrules my logic and makes me go through with my suicide plans despite the pact being there.
 
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Deleted member 94

Deleted member 94

Wizard
Mar 24, 2018
696
Hiya! So basically I've made a promise not to cbt with my significant other, and I really REALLY don't want to break it but so it goes y'know? They really don't deserve to deal with my shit and they've just been the most supportive and nicest human being to me. Every day they honestly try their best and I feel like they deserve to have a promise kept. I just don't want to feel so bad if I do break it, does anyone have the same or similar experience? I'd really like to talk about it!
My sister once tried to extract a promise from me but I wouldn't give it because at the time I was a follower of the Hindu god Ram who to keep his father's promise accepted exile for 14 years. Not as naive now but still character driven they say the best way to keep your word is never give it in the first place.
 
Ben11

Ben11

New Member
Dec 6, 2020
4
That’s really sad, if you someday really consider ctbing maybe break up with them before? Or try to make them understand so that you can spend your last moment together. I promise like that is hard to keep when you’re suicidal. Sorry you’re in this situation <3 :(
Thank you so much for the suggestions, I kind of dislike the fact that I like the thought of having them be comfortable with being with me in when I take my own life. I really don't think it's fair to them but I'd probably be a little scared without them there, they are really all I have anymore! Thank you for your consideration as well, it does suck, but it could be way worse.
My sister once tried to extract a promise from me but I wouldn't give it because at the time I was a follower of the Hindu god Ram who to keep his father's promise accepted exile for 14 years. Not as naive now but still character driven they say the best way to keep your word is never give it in the first place.
I find religion, gods, and higher beings super interesting, if you don't mind me asking, how do you come to believe in stuff like that so deeply? I know that's a very vague question but I don't know what I'm asking either tbh hahah
 
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Deleted member 25174

Member
Jan 4, 2021
99
I never promise not to kill myself as such but if I have an appointment with the dr/therapist I can promise that I'll keep it and if they want me to renew the promise every week. I will tell them if I don't think i can keep it and then I put strategies in place. I started seeing someone a while ago (didn't last long) he tried to make me promise I'd never self harm again after like a week.....I was like buddy I won't even make a promise like that to my mum so no way you're getting it. I would rather tell people the truth then expectations and guilt about that don't plague me. I couldn't make an indefinite promise to never kill myself because I don't believe it . I could say I'll try my best or I'll talk to you before I act on it but no I'm not making promises that in my mind are meaningless and are more or less only done to placate the person I'm talking to