trashisland
outsider
- Aug 5, 2025
- 140
bruh I literally can't do anything its so embarrassing. I can't sleep. I either dont sleep at all or if I do sleep I wake up multiple times in the night, im lucky to get even 5 hours these days. I can't eat, im so afraid of parasites or contamination ive sworn off certain foods because of it and if I think for even a moment there's something wrong I get sick and I can't eat anymore. im not smart and if I do well in learning anything in the beginning I get burnt out and do terribly. I have no social skills, but if I spoke about them id be here all day. I just can't handle people in any way, and I know it sounds stupid to say but I can't help the thought in my head that my whole life has been livestreamed directly to everyones brains, which is why I feel so nervous around them that they all know something about me that they wont tell me. its always there, sometimes it gets so severe I get genuinely afraid if people talk to me because I think theyre going to confront me about something I thought or did. I literally walked out on the only job I had at 16 after two shifts because of this, I thought they all hated me. and I just couldnt handle the work in general. I can't even handle eye contact because I think people can read my mind that way. it's just all so much and its such a pathetic thing to believe, but I can't help it, I dont even doubt it. anyway, im severely depressed on top of that. I just have zero motivation, sometimes I just sit on my bed and stare at the wall for hours not even thinking about anything. im just extremely lazy these days, but ive never wanted to do anything anyway. I have zero goals or aspirations either so im just drifting through life with no purpose and suffering the whole time, I have issues with everything. ugh, idk anymore im just venting
