I'm so fucking done with life. I'm sick of the shit my abusive parents give me, and I'm tired of getting up everyday, working, and talking with people, who could care less about me. I feel like the biggest coward for being on this website. I feel like everyone else has a reason to be here, while I'm just a pathetic idiot. My therapist and I discussed the polyvagal theory, and I feel as if I'm teetering on the edge of the dorsal vagal state. At my job, I cannot think, move quickly enough, or say anything to anyone without feeling the urge to shutdown. When I'm at home, I usually just sit in a chair and do nothing. I don't want to move. Everything exhausts me, and I know I'm becoming a strain on my friends. I'm hoping to ctb so that they'll stop worrying about me and saving face. They deserve to be happy, and fuck me for getting in the way. I feel as though I'm arrogating any validity or purpose in all that I do and how I describe myself. I can't stand the idea that I exist; I can't stand the thought that I must be. I hope the end comes soon, and that it is painless. I hope God can forgive me if he exists and let me sleep. I can't do any of my hobbies anymore. I'm so tired of being here, trapped in this body. I'm such a fucking coward. I'm such a pathetic little creep, who doesn't deserve anything that he's been given. I hate myself so much. Just kill me now. Ok, I'm done.
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