Venting pressure to ctb rising

[savoytruffle]

we're barely scraping by, soon to be kicked out of our home, and all i see when I look into my mother's eyes is the disappointment she feels by my flunking out of military school. it was our liferaft, a chance to be in a cushy job for the rest of my life and support my family, to finally get out of poverty and I couldn't last THREE fucking DAYS in boot camp. and now my life feels infinitely worse than boot camp ever was. a way out through college is pretty much over, there's no way i am getting the degree within the timeframe im allowed, and no employer will take someone with a 12 year old's resume and the social skills of a wet sock.

many times I catch her looking at me with a crushed expression and I just want to gouge out my fucking eyes right there. it feels so selfish to even think about it but maybe part of the reason i want to put an end to this is to be remembered differently. not as the failure I currently am, but as something else. i think this will be my final year, no more TV shows to wait on to delay me. im so tired im so tired im so tired

 

[MiMif]

we're barely scraping by, soon to be kicked out of our home, and all i see when I look into my mother's eyes is the disappointment she feels by my flunking out of military school. it was our liferaft, a chance to be in a cushy job for the rest of my life and support my family, to finally get out of poverty and I couldn't last THREE fucking DAYS in boot camp. and now my life feels infinitely worse than boot camp ever was. a way out through college is pretty much over, there's no way i am getting the degree within the timeframe im allowed, and no employer will take someone with a 12 year old's resume and the social skills of a wet sock.

many times I catch her looking at me with a crushed expression and I just want to gouge out my fucking eyes right there. it feels so selfish to even think about it but maybe part of the reason i want to put an end to this is to be remembered differently. not as the failure I currently am, but as something else. i think this will be my final year, no more TV shows to wait on to delay me. im so tired im so tired im so tired

Expectations especially ones you have for yourself that you don't keep suck. Honestly if you can try therapy. I can't do therapy cause my parents are still supporting me and don't believe in therapy but if you can maybe try.

Being suicidal and depressed sucks anf that seems to be what your experiencing. Not sure if there's any real solution cause I haven't found one.

At the end of the day it's your life. I love you stranger and whatever you do he confident in your decision and do it with a smile.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all, it must be dreadful being in that situation. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.