LostinTime24
Discharged&Defeated
- Mar 26, 2024
- 55
Wanted to make a post to summarize my thoughts as I need to take action within a month or two as my financial situation worsens.
It's really hit me now 7 months since my deployment ended and as my name suggests suffering from bipolar type 2 and schizophrenia. I've done treatment from the VA but as what comes with mental illness you lose everything. My friends are gone, my military friends all gone and my family views me as a failure as I've also lost my civilian job. I've been medboarded out and have been coping the best I can but I guess I need reassurance from people on this forum who might be going through the same thing.
What was the point of it all? Why have the family problems growing up? Why financial hardships? Why did I get bullied for years when I changed schools? Why did I work hard for years working two jobs and going to school and serving in the national guard in which I deployed twice? Why did I finally achieve my goals just to lose it all to hereditary mental illness?
I want to end it but the worst part of it all is the silence now in my life I can't even go out with say a party with friends before the end, it's just defeat and despair and then I'm gone. I guess maybe I seek meaning in which their isn't and it's jarring as I get moments of clarity like now when making this post.
I'll be going with SN and make a post when the time comes or not I feel that the end maybe should be private I also need more info on that. I don't know really what I seek with this not to be woe is me I just feel so much of what went wrong for me was just out of my control. I don't see a way out and just want peace at this point. I'm trying to let go but despite everything I seem to be unable to go through with it I had access to firearms in the past which would've guaranteed success. I guess seek helping in letting go.
It's really hit me now 7 months since my deployment ended and as my name suggests suffering from bipolar type 2 and schizophrenia. I've done treatment from the VA but as what comes with mental illness you lose everything. My friends are gone, my military friends all gone and my family views me as a failure as I've also lost my civilian job. I've been medboarded out and have been coping the best I can but I guess I need reassurance from people on this forum who might be going through the same thing.
What was the point of it all? Why have the family problems growing up? Why financial hardships? Why did I get bullied for years when I changed schools? Why did I work hard for years working two jobs and going to school and serving in the national guard in which I deployed twice? Why did I finally achieve my goals just to lose it all to hereditary mental illness?
I want to end it but the worst part of it all is the silence now in my life I can't even go out with say a party with friends before the end, it's just defeat and despair and then I'm gone. I guess maybe I seek meaning in which their isn't and it's jarring as I get moments of clarity like now when making this post.
I'll be going with SN and make a post when the time comes or not I feel that the end maybe should be private I also need more info on that. I don't know really what I seek with this not to be woe is me I just feel so much of what went wrong for me was just out of my control. I don't see a way out and just want peace at this point. I'm trying to let go but despite everything I seem to be unable to go through with it I had access to firearms in the past which would've guaranteed success. I guess seek helping in letting go.
