lowres
Scum
- Feb 9, 2019
- 119
My usually fleeting feelings of a higher power controlling my life just to torment me is becoming more consistent again.
A few days ago my father was arrested. He's generally a kinda of paranoid conspiracy guy but apparently in the last few weeks he has gotten way worse (it was possibly a drug induces psychosis i didn't know until a few days ago that he used to smoke crack), he sold his favourite dog because he believed it was trained to spy on him, him and his girlfriend had fought very heavily a few weeks ago and two days ago it came to a head when he tried to get them back from her and he went to their school having a loaded gun in his car. He could have got into a fucking gun fight with the police if they didn't get there in time
I was relatively stressed by this but i felt i had to be there for my family, i was stressed not sure what to say to my siblings to help them or how i could at all help my family members dealing with his lawyer and keeping his business running so i tried to get some support from my friends.
My one friend who is away from school generally just tried to keep me grounded and distracted from it all and focus on other things and i really appreciate him for what he was capable in doing but, my only other friend who i once considered my "best" friend was just mean to me about the whole situation he made a generalized "women ammiright" comment directed towards my fathers gf saying she probably blew it out of proportion. She was just trying to protect her kids for christsake, i also said i was worried about how to speak to my younger sister and he just told me to tell her to repress her feelings LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. I got upset by this so he just hung up on me refusing to acknowledge his fuck up. He called me earlier today and i told him that he really hurt me and he just hung up and refused to speak to me. I just ghosted him on every platform and blocked his phone number because i cannot deal with emotionally unavailable narcissist bastards.
I don't know what to do anymore, at every positive turn in my life the powers that be tell me to go fucking die, im supposed to be going to school for animation in a few months i just got officially accepted into my second choice today. Im supposed to be happy right now and excited for the future but i can't im destined to be abused and remained unloved permanently forever just being teased with tidbits of happiness till i die.
I'm too cowardly to live and too cowardly to die, ive never considered my self religious but i still pray every night that i die in my sleep or my health complications finally take me.
I think it would be a shame to waste the potential my future has but potential is utterly garbage if unable to be tapped into.
A few days ago my father was arrested. He's generally a kinda of paranoid conspiracy guy but apparently in the last few weeks he has gotten way worse (it was possibly a drug induces psychosis i didn't know until a few days ago that he used to smoke crack), he sold his favourite dog because he believed it was trained to spy on him, him and his girlfriend had fought very heavily a few weeks ago and two days ago it came to a head when he tried to get them back from her and he went to their school having a loaded gun in his car. He could have got into a fucking gun fight with the police if they didn't get there in time
I was relatively stressed by this but i felt i had to be there for my family, i was stressed not sure what to say to my siblings to help them or how i could at all help my family members dealing with his lawyer and keeping his business running so i tried to get some support from my friends.
My one friend who is away from school generally just tried to keep me grounded and distracted from it all and focus on other things and i really appreciate him for what he was capable in doing but, my only other friend who i once considered my "best" friend was just mean to me about the whole situation he made a generalized "women ammiright" comment directed towards my fathers gf saying she probably blew it out of proportion. She was just trying to protect her kids for christsake, i also said i was worried about how to speak to my younger sister and he just told me to tell her to repress her feelings LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. I got upset by this so he just hung up on me refusing to acknowledge his fuck up. He called me earlier today and i told him that he really hurt me and he just hung up and refused to speak to me. I just ghosted him on every platform and blocked his phone number because i cannot deal with emotionally unavailable narcissist bastards.
I don't know what to do anymore, at every positive turn in my life the powers that be tell me to go fucking die, im supposed to be going to school for animation in a few months i just got officially accepted into my second choice today. Im supposed to be happy right now and excited for the future but i can't im destined to be abused and remained unloved permanently forever just being teased with tidbits of happiness till i die.
I'm too cowardly to live and too cowardly to die, ive never considered my self religious but i still pray every night that i die in my sleep or my health complications finally take me.
I think it would be a shame to waste the potential my future has but potential is utterly garbage if unable to be tapped into.
