I don't actually want to die, this is what I want instead

[redkitsune98]

I completely understand you because I am in a very similar situation. If that person is really the right one for you, the passing time will not and cannot help you to overcome it, in the best case maybe you can learn to live with it, but that loss will remain forever and no one can ever make up for it, believe me. People who talk about overcoming and finding new love are those who have not experienced that complete combat with someone that happens once in 1000 cases and you have to understand them, they are simply not able to understand your pain in completely because they have never experienced such love and harmony with someone. And yes, such a person and such love is one and only for the whole life and absolutely irreplaceable, such love is more valuable than anything and one can really die for it. Most people do not have the privilege to experience such love and they simply try to rationalize it in accordance with their own experience. I have a lot of life experience behind me, three marriages and a lot of emotional relationships, but if you put it all together it is not worth just an hour spent with her. What I am with her felt and experienced, that degree of emotional and physical closeness, compatibility and attraction, I have never experienced such commitment and personal transformation in my life. After that, after her, my entire existence on earth became meaningless, without her I am no longer and cannot be complete and whole, I miss her as if a part of my body and a part of my soul were torn away. The only thing that keeps me physically alive is that last one, a small glimmer of hope that maybe one day we will reconcile and be together, but everyday life without her is an unbearable hell and suffering, I think about her constantly, I dream about her often, I cannot and will never be able to accept that I live without her. There is no alternative for her in my life and when I even think of someone else I feel indescribable repulsion, for me there is simply only her, and that strong, mental bridge that will forever exist between us, despite everything.

You are so right. I won't settle for second best
I will just ctb and dream of him

 

[redkitsune98]

Wow - that's so deceitful.

i dont eventhink it was deceit, just beautiful promises because he actually loved me but was too afraid to carry out

 

[death_by_life]

Yesssss, this. My ex told me on a number of occasions that he only wanted me (and he claims to be poly, and I'm definitely not, so that meant something), but then betrayed me with a stranger he met on a trip abroad. He then said he sort of meant those things but also not really (he knew as he was saying them he shouldn't), and this new person was so unexpected and so very important so he was going to explore them. He knew if he betrayed me I'd leave, and despite all his talk of wanting me he completely forgot about me when it counted. I want there to be some way he can feel what I feel, but he only superficially wants to acknowledge it. It's been almost six weeks, and it still feels like the first six minutes. I'm angry that I still want him after all of this. I wish I had some good advice, but ctb is the only way I can see to end the pain for myself. I hope that's not the way of it for you, and a miracle happens and you get something wonderful out of it, whatever that may be.

 

[Coringa]

Acho que vc deve te dar tempo ao tempo, ainda está muito recente o término. Tudo vai se ajeitar, vcs ainda vão conversar e se entender.

 

[ctb2soble]

I want to go back to how happy I was the end of july.
I had my soulmate and he would fight the whole world for me, but then things started going awry and I lost the only person who ever made me feel complete.
I wish I had a way to get him back. I wish I could log on to someone's instagram account and have a deep conversation acting like I am somebody else, so that he could see how much it hurts to try to heal away from the one you love. That could make him remember me and think of helping me.
I wish I could just be right now in front of him, all fucked up and hurt because some gang beat me up, and he could see me like that and choose to help me.
I wish I could go back in time and relive the happy times we had together.
I wish I could wait a few years and meet him again and start something new.
I wish he was here

Heartbreak is legit one of the hardest things to endure, so I am truly sorry you're going through this. When my ex and I broke up, I had a mental breakdown and started hallucinating seeing and hearing him everytime I was alone. Then, he died a few years later and I have honestly never gotten over it even a decade later.

I hope he can see the good in your relationship and you two can at least be on speaking terms one day. And I wish you healing and peace, however you may find it.

 

[redkitsune98]

Yesssss, this. My ex told me on a number of occasions that he only wanted me (and he claims to be poly, and I'm definitely not, so that meant something), but then betrayed me with a stranger he met on a trip abroad. He then said he sort of meant those things but also not really (he knew as he was saying them he shouldn't), and this new person was so unexpected and so very important so he was going to explore them. He knew if he betrayed me I'd leave, and despite all his talk of wanting me he completely forgot about me when it counted. I want there to be some way he can feel what I feel, but he only superficially wants to acknowledge it. It's been almost six weeks, and it still feels like the first six minutes. I'm angry that I still want him after all of this. I wish I had some good advice, but ctb is the only way I can see to end the pain for myself. I hope that's not the way of it for you, and a miracle happens and you get something wonderful out of it, whatever that may be.

I understand your pain. I'm just tired of hurting, I wanna rest

Acho que vc deve te dar tempo ao tempo, ainda está muito recente o término. Tudo vai se ajeitar, vcs ainda vão conversar e se entender.

quanto mais o tempo passa menos acredito que isso possa acontecer. Ele vai voltar tarde demais, estou achando

Heartbreak is legit one of the hardest things to endure, so I am truly sorry you're going through this. When my ex and I broke up, I had a mental breakdown and started hallucinating seeing and hearing him everytime I was alone. Then, he died a few years later and I have honestly never gotten over it even a decade later.

I hope he can see the good in your relationship and you two can at least be on speaking terms one day. And I wish you healing and peace, however you may find it.

this one day is not something I have any strength left to wait for