I don't actually want to die, this is what I want instead

[redkitsune98]

I completely understand you because I am in a very similar situation. If that person is really the right one for you, the passing time will not and cannot help you to overcome it, in the best case maybe you can learn to live with it, but that loss will remain forever and no one can ever make up for it, believe me. People who talk about overcoming and finding new love are those who have not experienced that complete combat with someone that happens once in 1000 cases and you have to understand them, they are simply not able to understand your pain in completely because they have never experienced such love and harmony with someone. And yes, such a person and such love is one and only for the whole life and absolutely irreplaceable, such love is more valuable than anything and one can really die for it. Most people do not have the privilege to experience such love and they simply try to rationalize it in accordance with their own experience. I have a lot of life experience behind me, three marriages and a lot of emotional relationships, but if you put it all together it is not worth just an hour spent with her. What I am with her felt and experienced, that degree of emotional and physical closeness, compatibility and attraction, I have never experienced such commitment and personal transformation in my life. After that, after her, my entire existence on earth became meaningless, without her I am no longer and cannot be complete and whole, I miss her as if a part of my body and a part of my soul were torn away. The only thing that keeps me physically alive is that last one, a small glimmer of hope that maybe one day we will reconcile and be together, but everyday life without her is an unbearable hell and suffering, I think about her constantly, I dream about her often, I cannot and will never be able to accept that I live without her. There is no alternative for her in my life and when I even think of someone else I feel indescribable repulsion, for me there is simply only her, and that strong, mental bridge that will forever exist between us, despite everything.

You are so right. I won't settle for second best
I will just ctb and dream of him

 

[redkitsune98]

Wow - that's so deceitful.

i dont eventhink it was deceit, just beautiful promises because he actually loved me but was too afraid to carry out