Venting poverty is killing me, and I'm so exhausted

[overmorrow]

I've always struggled financially, both when i lived with my parents, and when i didn't, money was always an issue, but it wasn't the primary factor of me being depressed, and trying to attempt because of it

they were broke too, and made me live a life of complete misery, throughout middle school and highschool i was forced to watch my classmates have things that, if i wanted to own, I'd have to work for months, while they could afford it in a single day

I've accepted it, for a lot of time, but now, in the last 2 years, i keep thinking of how many years I've wasted, I've never traveled, never went on vacation or such, or a luxurious restaurant, I don't have a car nor anything valuable to my name, i struggle with my body health, a lot

now another summer has almost passed, 1 month left, a lot of my colleagues and friends are in other countries, and i keep seeing their Instagram posts about how much fun they're having, it saddens me, because i know I'll never get to have anything like this

I was never one to search for attentions, or ask for help, but god how i wish i could've killed myself earlier, i thought, let's wait, maybe I'll have some luck, but no, luck isn't real, there's no magic that's going to save me

it's just the way it is, i imagine this is rock bottom, but somehow, things only manage to get worse

 

[lightningwallcloud]

I've always struggled financially, both when i lived with my parents, and when i didn't, money was always an issue, but it wasn't the primary factor of me being depressed, and trying to attempt because of it

they were broke too, and made me live a life of complete misery, throughout middle school and highschool i was forced to watch my classmates have things that, if i wanted to own, I'd have to work for months, while they could afford it in a single day

I've accepted it, for a lot of time, but now, in the last 2 years, i keep thinking of how many years I've wasted, I've never traveled, never went on vacation or such, or a luxurious restaurant, I don't have a car nor anything valuable to my name, i struggle with my body health, a lot

now another summer has almost passed, 1 month left, a lot of my colleagues and friends are in other countries, and i keep seeing their Instagram posts about how much fun they're having, it saddens me, because i know I'll never get to have anything like this

I was never one to search for attentions, or ask for help, but god how i wish i could've killed myself earlier, i thought, let's wait, maybe I'll have some luck, but no, luck isn't real, there's no magic that's going to save me

it's just the way it is, i imagine this is rock bottom, but somehow, things only manage to get worse

Yeah, as someone also from a poor family, it's insane how unfair it is. Not only is everything 100x harder because you're not already in the network/club where opportunities are, but if you ever do get anything, you still have to forever deal with the reality that you have no village. No one can send you money if you end up in trouble, etc. because they don't have it. For your entire life you will have the fire under your feet knowing you have no safety net. It's unfair and never truly escapable especially because of what it does to your brain - you will never fit in with those born into it.