Thanks to every reader, thanks to them putting their time into doing so! Id understand if someone skips reading also, either way Good night!
I have been a N.E.E.T. from 2024 that too in a third world country. I finished school & just stayed at home afterwards, no college or source of income of my own. I spent 2 years this way. Initially I had my reasons to kill myself but with time I realized that I would not do it. Also, I would actually want to continue living but it is just that I am sort of scared to go head on with people my age who have been becoming better while I spent most of my time in the house. I do not wish to start small or just stay alive. I used to aspire about a lot of things. I mean I could do it because I have no desires but the fact that all my peers are so much ahead of me makes me really anxious. I am happy for them but I just wish I would not be judged if they ever hear about what happened with me. I have become really afraid of judgements. I avoid going out of the house because I have obsessive compulsion disorder. I have been on medications but it does not help. I literally do weird random acts on streets sometimes. I am scared to face people now. With time, I developed this habit of keeping my head low as if I was bowing all the time. That's how bad I avoid eye contact. 2 years before though? I was in a great place - Social, had friends, grades, enjoying stuffs, normal physique et cetera. Now I am academically lost, behind - probably overweight, bloated even, socially anxious, low self esteem, immature ( Biggest concern! ) et cetera. I hate the fact that I deliberately became this man child & avoided my responsibilities as I passed 18. I hate the fact that people around me seem so much more mature. I know I can put up the excuse of my illness which has been there for more than a year now, but I still should have fought harder, tried more! I am 19 currently by the way. I know the things I need to work on but I just don't know how to deal with the negativity in my head that keeps judging people back, fears judgements, gets anxious over other people doing better, envies others!
Excuse my usage of more than 2 although less than 4 letter words in this post. I really apologize because of that.
Night!
Bye!
I have been a N.E.E.T. from 2024 that too in a third world country. I finished school & just stayed at home afterwards, no college or source of income of my own. I spent 2 years this way. Initially I had my reasons to kill myself but with time I realized that I would not do it. Also, I would actually want to continue living but it is just that I am sort of scared to go head on with people my age who have been becoming better while I spent most of my time in the house. I do not wish to start small or just stay alive. I used to aspire about a lot of things. I mean I could do it because I have no desires but the fact that all my peers are so much ahead of me makes me really anxious. I am happy for them but I just wish I would not be judged if they ever hear about what happened with me. I have become really afraid of judgements. I avoid going out of the house because I have obsessive compulsion disorder. I have been on medications but it does not help. I literally do weird random acts on streets sometimes. I am scared to face people now. With time, I developed this habit of keeping my head low as if I was bowing all the time. That's how bad I avoid eye contact. 2 years before though? I was in a great place - Social, had friends, grades, enjoying stuffs, normal physique et cetera. Now I am academically lost, behind - probably overweight, bloated even, socially anxious, low self esteem, immature ( Biggest concern! ) et cetera. I hate the fact that I deliberately became this man child & avoided my responsibilities as I passed 18. I hate the fact that people around me seem so much more mature. I know I can put up the excuse of my illness which has been there for more than a year now, but I still should have fought harder, tried more! I am 19 currently by the way. I know the things I need to work on but I just don't know how to deal with the negativity in my head that keeps judging people back, fears judgements, gets anxious over other people doing better, envies others!
Excuse my usage of more than 2 although less than 4 letter words in this post. I really apologize because of that.
Night!
Bye!
